pressingon
Mar 9, 2005
what would you tell someone who wants to marry an unbeliever? if there is another thread going, someone point me to it. Thanks pressingon
what would you tell someone who wants to marry an unbeliever? if there is another thread going, someone point me to it. Thanks pressingon
Well, I'm always one for pointing people to scripture - scripture is supposed to be authoritative (hopefully that means it has the last say). However, an experience in my own life has helped me see why we are instructed in this way.Someone I know very well got married to a non-believer...this marriage has now dissolved (after a very brief time). The dissolution was initiated and carried out by the unbelieving partner. The partner found this person's faith to be troublesome...didn't like the person talking about faith, going to church and a myriad of other ways in which the faith impacted that person's faith. The faith of the one was the MAJOR factor that caused this unbeliever frustration. This situation has been a disaster. A terrible grief for the believer and family - and it could have been prevented!!The bottom line is that when someone has a relationship with God that relationship will affect every area of his/her life and this will INEVITABLY cause problems when the rosiness of infatuation has passed. Psychologists have observed the couples fare better when they share a lot in common. In a sense believers have nothing in common with unbelievers...they may both like sports and other activities - so it may seem as though they have much in common - but it won't take long before they both discover that these minor commonalities pale in comparison to the mountains of differences.I sure hope this is helpful. This issue has come up over and over again in my life. I used to take a moderate approach to the issue...I tried to make allowances but after this experience I have changed my approach...this is a very serious matter. The very person who wants to excuse the relationship and make allowances will (almost guaranteed) be the one to suffer most. I would encourage to have a serious talk with your friend (if you are speaking of someone specific in this situation) - urge him/her to think about the kids...as he/she thought about all the possible implications? Is he/she prepared for the kids to never attend church? There are so many things to think about. Ultimately, we are safe when we heed scripture but unfortunately we live in an age when scripture can be read anyway so I hope my story helps a little.God bless.Stephen
what would you tell someoneDO NOT do it.
pressingon,From my angle, it creates a series of issues that might be good to note for other reasons. My mother has always tried her best to keep myself and my siblings in a Christian lifestyle. My father is not a Christian.I was not accustomed to praying for meals, praying for guidance, or even leaning on the voice of God. The first may seem minor, but a practiced tradition of prayerful intent is not a minor concern to me any longer. I had the choice of going with my mom on Sunday mornings or staying home. I was given the right to make my own decisions. There were many opportunities of learning I lost, and many events that I was never able to experience because of my choices. And there was much I could have learned had both my parents been amongst the ranks of the saints.While this choice is not a bad thing in my opinion, my life had two draws on it - one represented by my father, and the other my mother. It was a long, hard struggle for me that was a major dillema through most of my Jr. High and Sr. High years. I respect my dad greatly, but (praise God) was eventually drawn to the vantage point of my more softly spoken mother.Now, at the age of twenty-one, I am finding myself in a place of combat. Having returned from a place where my future lodging was difficult at best to arrange, I have returned for a short while to live with my parents while I get my feet back in the world. I agree with my mother most of the time, but am at odds with my father. In this scenario, how do I best respect my parents? They are a single unit, though one that I do not immediately comprehend. My father is the head of the household, as is his given duty. There are many choices that I must concider which he never would, and there are many easy choices for me that for him would not be so.All this being said for one point: your decision impacts more than two people.With that having been said, it is your choice, and God will honor it. My parents have been married for 28 years, and neither has regretted it. They love each other thoroughly, and I cannot say (in any way) that I find a negativity with their marriage.I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, grant you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, in order that you might know him more. (Eph. 1:17)
Hello pressingon,I would say "NO, don't do it!!!" with heartfelt concern. I am currently in an ongoing discussion with someone about this very topic. We are discussing it from a biblical/scholarly viewpoint, not an emotional/reasoned one. Scripture clearly teaches that a believer is not to be joined with an unbeliever----"only in the Lord" as taught by Paul in I Cor. 7:39.Then there is II Cor. 6:14-18. Paul teaches "Do not".......what one has to do is determine for themselves if he was issuing a "command" or just wise "advice". Personally, I see his words as commands, not advice. There is also this issue: Is God forced to abide by our choices if in fact He has forbidden marriage to a believer and unbeliever? Some would say "yes" God will honor our rebellion in this manner and He will then "join" the two as one in marriage. I dont' know about this, but if it were me, I would not do it.I know the passage of I Cor. 7:12-15 concerns the marriage of a believer (a new convert, I think) with an unbeliever and in that case, Paul says the unbeliever is sanctified due to the believer. In such a case, when the two were married they both were unbelievers----thus it was lawful for them to marry in God's sight. On the experience level, you have at least one post which tells of the terrible results which are common when a believer marries an unbeliever. Most are not "happily ever after" marriages. As II Cor. 6:14-18 states....."what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? what communion has light with darkness? What part has a believer with an unbeliever?" These are very serious points to ponder. Hope that helps. Blessings in Him, Cindy
Dear Pressingon,i've never been in the situation of marrying a "lost soul", i've met one 2 years ago, and she was nice, but God was telling me, every time i spend time with her, He said something like this "William, don't do it, you know what I want and said in My Word"then on 1 day, i woke up and God told me "let go" with tears in my eyes i wrote her an email, and told her why i couldn't go on, i told her about Jesus (once again) and told her, i can't, because God does not want it and that i want to live for Him, and not for myself.So i cried out to God that day, God whatever you want, and i don't know why, it feels horrible to let go, but please Your Will shall be done...then i lifted up my eyes and saw this piece of wood in my room on a table where a verse what written down. (right beside my bed, but i never looked at it)Psalm 37:5"Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass."(edit)Dear bro, God does not want us to be comprommising and things like that, and do as we please, because we think we're smarter and that i can't be that bad. (/edit)God calls us to be unspotted, and holy, where He can do as He pleases, and let God be your Shepherd, that you can say "i shall not want"yours in Christ JesusWilliamP.S.i know this is not quite of getting married, but more the first steps before a "relation"
God tells us Not to be unequally yoked. Disobey and watch how you suffer. When we openly disobey God no matter what it is....we go through a dry time of not walking with God. You will repent and in this case you might walk the rest of your life with this person because you made a vow and you must keep it. If you want to read how awful of a walk marrying someone that does not love God and let him have the Lordship in their life....read up on Madame Guyon's life....Personally, I lived with parents were my Mother was Saved and my Father was not....and I remember my Mother laying in her bed with a broken back that my Father had caused her during one of his drinking fighting nights.....and I also remember after many months seeing Religious men coming in and my Mother walking them to the door after sometime. It's my first memory of seeing my Mother out of that bed. She stayed married because of scriptures and she prayed....and it was awful.... But the rest of story....my Dad got saved.....and they were 2 completely different people trying to walk with God and live with each other.....they made it....and it was not easy. But the results...both made it to Heaven. Worth it? It's a hard walk...most don't make it.But you could take the easy route and walk out of the marriage because it's easier to sin and ask forgiveness rather than keep God's word and silently except your suffers with God's help no matter what. Do the "D" word and let that mark you for life....it will mark your soul no matter what. Sin takes a bite out of us...I know...I live with the mark that my sins have left....it's there though I am forgiven. And the mark will not leave while here....those that live it will understand....it's like a birth mark on your face....you learn to live with it and wish it was not so obvious.If you are unequally yoked now....Ephesians 6 will be needed and I Thess. 5 and definitely wisdom from James 1....and TONS OF PRAYER...get others to pray for you.If you are Not unequally yoked now...go interview a few Men and Women who have taken the walk and see what the results are. Like smoking ... go see the results in the hospital as you watch their loved ones cry as their loved one who smoked is dying or having their lung removed. I did Sunday.When you are Unequally Yoked....You are NOT the only one that suffers....the Children and Grandchildren will suffer.....PJ
What could an unbeliever and a believer possibly have in common that would make them think marriage is even possible?I know several couples who got married unequally yoked... and they all ended in divorce.When my wife got saved (we were married already) it took a couple years for me to get saved... and we almost ended up in divorce.It is a recipe for complete disaster... not to mention that the Bible forbids it. Why does it forbid it? For our protection. For our strengthening. Why would any believer not want to marry someone who would build them up in the faith, partner with them in ministry, and raise godly children?"To obey is better than sacrifice" means that God wants our obedience more than anything else we can sacrifice for Him. But if you take this out of context, you can also say that if you dont obey... there will be suffering.Krispy
what would you tell someone who wants to marry an unbeliever? Dear pressingon,Perhaps you ought to pray for the person, I'm not saying you're not, but I just think this one will be changed, not by arguments, but by a heart change.I've never heard of someone persuaded not to marry an unbeliever if they're committed, or in love.I sure it's happened, I just haven't heard about them...The person probably is resisting Holy Spirit's conviction. Plus having already spent much time with the unbeliever, is in a place where godly counsel isn't valued. He/she's blinded/trapped (ouch) it's making me hurt for them.If you wish, and by the grace of God I can commit to pray and fast with you for the individual, if you message me...In God's love,Richard
Gen. 3:15 \tAnd I will put enmity\tBetween you and the woman,\tAnd between your seed and her Seed;\tHe shall bruise your head,\tAnd you shall bruise His heel.” From the very beginning God's covenant with creation described how is would be. The precepts of God never, ever change. To be yoked to Jesus and learn from Him places you at odds with those who are the seed of Satan. What does light have to do with darkness? What does Jesus have to do with Satan? The depth of these Scriptures speaks to the hopes that we have in our hearts. It speaks to the substance of what motivates us in this life. These Scriptures speak not only to marriage between a man and a woman, but to all those who profess Christ. The divource rate among professed believers is the same as the lost. The source of the problem in what do we have faith in? God is not interested in quanty of faith, He is working to produce quality of faith in us who believe.In ChristJeff
Thank you all, for your great advise I think you are right. I feel the same way. She must be resisting Holy Spirit conviction. And her own flesh blinds her. This person is in my care at this time and I am praying for a softened heart, to give her the right words, as we will take time to talk of this tomorrow. My biggest question today is, maybe she won’t be unequally yoked because maybe she isn’t saved either.
My biggest question today is, maybe she won’t be unequally yoked because maybe she isn’t saved either. That is a valid question. There are many who profess to be Christians, but in reality are not. I found this to be the case with my sister who professed with robustness that she was a believer and was quite indignant when I discussed God's Word with her in relation to some sin issues (fornication). She married an unbeliever---knowing what the scriptures teach on this. I thought she was in rebellion. I now find out through my father that she was just "playing Christian" because she was young and didn't know what she wanted, so she grasped hold of Christianity for awhile. What I now know is that she is not unequally yoked........now the saddest part of this whole thing is knowing for sure she is not saved :-(
I think we will be shocked when we get to heaven and find out that many people who we thought were believers are not there......may we all be sure that we ourselves are there!Krispy
I would say that even among believers marriages can be unequally yoked. Just as two oxen would carry a yoke atop both their shoulders and pull a plow, so the example works for us. If one ox is weaker than the other, slower, maimed, or unequal in strength then the job is hindered and it becomes difficult for the strong ox who ends up pulling most of the weight. Soon they will both become tired and faint. This is a good example for Christians.A wonderful pastor friend of mine told me that when one get's married, one should never have to 'sink' or lower to a level that they were not at before, but that both partners should join, only to continue making progress forward, never backwards, never slowing down, only speeding up!In Jesus Christ, whom we love!-Eli
This discussion is locked.