taking that first step in faith....again

greetings

Without stepping into the area of "self-improvement" to much I wanted to ask what others are seeing when it comes to the topic of forgiving yourself? Is it even about forgiving myself or is it something deeper then that humanistic attitude? I have at times struggled much with regret, guilty feelings, and allowing the enemy to drudge up past sins over and over again. Each time it is the same, these memories play out in my head like an old movie and the same old feelings and emotions come, they wash over me like a flood, soon my mind is filled with just how sinful a person I am and I find myself almost begging GOD to forgive me all over again. I have come to see this more and more as sin in my life, perhaps deep down inside I still feel like I need to suffer for my offense? OR perhaps its some of that old Roman Catholic teaching that is still lingering, "YOU must do penance!" Either way I am seeing more each day that this attitude of heart and allowing myself to be downcast by these past sins is in and of itself sin on my part. The last time this came up, as I felt that same wave of guilt begin to wash over me the LORD quickened to my heart, "DON"T YOU BELIEVE ME? DON"T YOU TRUST ME?" I promise you I heard it just like that, a kind of gentle shouting to get my attention. At once I stopped and the regret that usually appears didn't come this time. In its place were questions...was I doubting GODS WORD? Was I doubting that HE would do all that HE promised HE would? Did I not believe HE was truly capable of forgiving me of even the darkest of sinful areas of my past? Was I trying still after all this time achieve some kind of feeling of being good or right because I allowed self to "torment" and "languish" over past sins??? Was there an attitude deep in my heart still searching to find forgiveness is some other way or place other then JESUS? As I pray over these things I am beginning finally to see things differently. I am beginning to see what HE has been attempting to show me for so long but in self have ignored. If I come to HIM and repent then I am forgiven simply because HE says it is so...I have been given a glimpse of this truth before but for to many times I have allowed it to slip away from me. This time I feel a since of freedom from HIM in that I now see the truth more clearly. This truth that HE has given me is like a precious gem and I want to hold on to it and not let it slip away. When the enemy comes round when he stirs up past sins and seeks to get me to take my focus off of JESUS I will have this precious truth to stand on and know that I am forgiven if I look to HIM and not the past and not self.I know this in my head to be true, it is a fact to me and real as any tangible thing could be... Still before I can be fully set free I feel there is something more holding me back but in my immaturity as a child of the KING I am not sure what it is. Is there still something deeper at the heart of this that is causing me not to move forward in HIM to truly know the comfort and peace HE has for me...is it lack of faith and fear? I see in the WORD how Peter moved forward from his sin of deny the LORD, and how Paul moved forward from his sin of persecuting the Christians before he came to JESUS and yet I guess deep down inside I wonder is it really that simple to just accept and believe as they did? Surely this kind of confidence and trust can only come from the HOLY SPIRIT...I know I could never find it within myself...and yet as I reflect for a moment in what I have heard from HIM, what I have read in HIS WORD, and what I know to be true I can't help but feel HE is pressing upon me once again to simply let go and take that first step in this area of my life!!

If you have read this far thank you for allowing me to share the things FATHER has placed on my heart.

God bless
maryjane

Thank you for sharing this with us, I believe it is a struggle that we all go through in one degree or another.

I really believe that you've answered your own question, just take the next step of faith, whatever that is, and then take the next step after that...

You know that you can silence the enemy by not elevating your faults above the Cross. And you know not to make a bunch of promises that you'll do better. We all need to trust His promises and appropriate them.

I think that plays out by just letting these times of temptation bring you to rejoice in His embrace and there will be supernatural strength. Temptation will always be there but victory is in Him.

In Christ,

Ron

"One Sabbath morning, I preached from the text, 'My God, My God, why has Thou forsaken Me?' and though I did not say so, yet I preached my own experience. I heard my own chains clank while I tried to preach to my fellow-prisoners in the dark; but I could not tell why I was brought into such an awful horror of darkness, for which I condemned myself. On the following Monday evening, a man came to see me who bore all the marks of despair upon his countenance. His hair seemed to stand up right, and his eyes were ready to start from their sockets. He said to me, after a little parleying, 'I never before, in my life, heard any man speak who seemed to know my heart. Mine is a terrible case; but on Sunday morning you painted me to the life, and preached as if you had been inside my soul.' By God's grace I saved that man from suicide, and led him into gospel light and liberty; but I know I could not have done it if I had not myself been confined in the dungeon in which he lay. I tell you the story, brethren, because you sometimes may not understand your own experience, and the perfect people may condemn you for having it; but what know they of God's servants? You and I have to suffer much for the sake of the people of our charge ... You may be in Egyptian darkness, and you may wonder why such a horror chills your marrow; but you may be altogether in the pursuit of your calling, and be led of the Spirit to a position of sympathy with desponding minds"

- Charles Spurgeon

Mary Jane,

I understand what you are saying. I grappled with it as well.

It may help to be able to discern the difference between guilt brought about by sin and regret for past sins.

When you sin you experience guilt that is accompanied by a desire to repent and do whatever necessary to fix any damage caused by my sin. This comes from God.

When you come to the LORD you repent of your past sins. You will confess your sins to people wronged and have made restitution, if possible - it is all under the blood. But the devil has a long memory and he knows you do, too. He will exploit that memory, guilt and make you feel worse then dirt.

It helps a lot to know the source of bad feelings. When this source can be identified you are on the way to victory. To reach victory means you should immerse yourself in the WORD and abide in HIS presence. Stay there. There you will find deliverance.

Mary Jane, I have concluded there is no one that has come to the LORD that the devil will not use something in their past to try to trip them up. He will exploit some unpleasant incident[s], exaggerate it where you get bogged down in the mire of self-pity and regret. Some will feel so bad they will go for professional counseling but this will only prolong the agony - the 'feel good' will be only temporary. Only Jesus can give you deliverance.

Make sense?

ginnyrose

Greetings

Thank you for your responses I do appreciate the insights. I have been praying on this much over the past twenty four hours. Ginnyrose I do think you are correct there is a difference between present conviction of sins that the LORD is showing me now that I must repent of and sins that I have already laid down at the cross. To often I have allowed my mind to dwell upon past sins and then been over come with regret. I think recognizing the difference between the two and using that understanding from HIM will really help me. I am seeing there are truly times to take each thought captive, if the enemy attacks with past sins I know to stand firm in HIM and there is no need for further repentance if I am feeling conviction over non repented sins I must come to the LORD and seek forgiveness, and in both I rest assured and trust that HE will and does forgive as HE says in HIS WORD.

This is the place to truly begin with this first step in these things HE has shown me.

God bless
maryjane

God bless you, Mary Jane.

ginnyrose

Yesterday we had a bible study in our fellowship on Romans 4. I shared from the following scripture on Abraham's faith.

Romans 4-19:-
Without becoming weak in faith he contemplated his own body, now as good as dead since he was about a hundred years old, and the deadness of Sarah’s womb; yet, with respect to the promise of God, he did not waver in unbelief but grew strong in faith, giving glory to God, and being fully assured that what God had promised, He was able also to perform.

Verse 19 says that Abraham contemplated (observed the fact of) his own body being as good as dead. He did not reject the fact of his old age, but accepted it. If someone told him you are Old like a dead man he would agree 100%. But if someone told him he cannot have a child he will disagree boldly saying God has promised me that I will have. There is a wonderful contradiction between accepting the fact and at the same time being strong in faith.

Same way Devil will tell us that we have sinned heavily in past and there is nothing Good in us. Agree with him and tell him that it is correct. But when he discourages you and tells that you will never have fellowship with God and never meet God's standard. Then rebuke him saying the Blood of Jesus has justified me and God has promised me about that. He has also given his Holy Spirit as a token of promise to preserve this body which is dead in Sin to be Holy and blameless before him.

Mary Jane,

Your post keeps tugging in my mind, knowing full well the struggle you are having...As I think about this I was just reminded of a verse that has ministered to me, and it is radical.

Luke 9:26: But Jesus said to him, "No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."

Do you understand what this means? If you plow a field you want to look straight ahead at a point - you keep your eyes focused on it and go for it so you can plow a straight furrow. But if you look down or back you will go crooked. Ok, Jesus says if you look back when plowing you are not fit for the kingdom of God. Think about that: not fit! The Holy Spirit has used this many times to whip me into shape! I am not fit and who likes to be told that?? Not me and I doubt very many others do, either.

Since we do not like to be told we are not fit, we realize we are in a position where we need help so we are forced to throw ourselves at his feet for assistance. You cannot do it alone - you are not strong enough.

God bless you, MJ.

Sandra

|
Mary Jane,

Your post keeps tugging in my mind, knowing full well the struggle you are having...As I think about this I was just reminded of a verse that has ministered to me, and it is radical.

Luke 9:26: But Jesus said to him, "No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."

Do you understand what this means? If you plow a field you want to look straight ahead at a point - you keep your eyes focused on it and go for it so you can plow a straight furrow. But if you look down or back you will go crooked. Ok, Jesus says if you look back when plowing you are not fit for the kingdom of God. Think about that: not fit! The Holy Spirit has used this many times to whip me into shape! I am not fit and who likes to be told that?? Not me and I doubt very many others do, either.

Since we do not like to be told we are not fit, we realize we are in a position where we need help so we are forced to throw ourselves at his feet for assistance. You cannot do it alone - you are not strong enough.

God bless you, MJ.

Sandra
--

Greeting Sandra
I have been considering your last post to me, it is a hard and difficult thing to hear especially when it hits the mark. I am not strong enough and never will be. I need Him so very much. It truly is about keeping my eyes focused on Him only. Thank you for sharing this with me you have given me much food to pray seek the Lord about.

God bless
Mj

You are in the stage of spiritual growth. Just be patient and trust the Lord. The waves will die by themselves. The Lord already saw that it is coming to you and He has already prepared for it. It is the Lord's battle, endure, give thanks and praise.