Brother Bub,You wrote:"Rahman, thanks for your comment and your caring concern"No problem seeker ... But it's not really me as much as it is Jesus reaching out to you thru me ... He finds me an uncapped vessel to His easy pouring in this regard because He knows that i know all to well what it's like to be wounded by religion, and ostracised by religionist, and rescued to Himself, by His Spirit ... But in the long run, as i'm sure you'll soon one day agree, i'm glad that i had my initial blunt period with religion and religionist, because it did not allow me to become ingratiated to a denomination, church, or a preacher like so many other saints i know, but sent me straight into the loving arms of Christ Himself, to know Him for myself ... Now it doesn't matter at all whether i fit in with, or am accepted by anyone else but Jesus ... Holy Spirit's rescuing of me began with ..."Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" ... Matt: 11:28-30You're in need of His rest/light yoke bro, for serving Christ is most often a whole lot easier than serving mans doctinal interpretations of that service ... Being an agnostic couldn't have worked for you at all because as you said in your previous post "I did learn the basics of Christianity there", so you know better ... "Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God, Of the doctrine of baptisms, and of laying on of hands, and of resurrection of the dead, and of eternal judgment. And this will we do, if God permit. For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame" ... Heb. 6:1-6So you haven't gagged on Jesus, but on religion and religionist ... i noticed right away in your recent post these two very commendable and intelligent things that you decided to do ...#1 - I decided to commit myself to Christ#2 - I also made a commitment to read the Bible through several times and I still read from it nearly every day.That tells Jesus (and me) that even thru your pain you're still seeking after truth ... His truth ... That's exactly how i was ... And when we're like that it makes His heart glad, and activates toward us His promises of reward for such diligence ... For He Himself said ..."Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened ... Matt. 7:7,8"And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" ... John 8:32Brother Bub since by your post it is highly unlikely that just at the moment you'll be prone to sitting under anyones teaching i'd like to make this suggestion ... i'm praying that you have no disbelief towards the third person of the Godhead, Holy Spirit, for at this moment in time He is your only hope to being soothed of your hurt, and being led out of your spiritual wilderness ... Christ said this of Him ..."But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, He shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you" ... John 14:26And also Paul continued ...."For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? Even so the things of God knoweth no man, but the Spirit of God. Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God. Which things also we speak, not in the words which man's wisdom teacheth, but which the Holy Ghost teacheth; comparing spiritual things with spiritual" ... i Cor. 2:11-13If you have no objection may Holy Spirit, thru me, invite you to begin anew to read the Gospels, beginning with John, but before your doing so your asking Him to guide and reveal to you what it is that He wants to reveal to you, and i'm a witness that after His period of time with you, He'll make you to able to go back before the very folk that caused you your initial pain, and to show thru to them the love of Christ that they were supposed to show to you but didn't ... God has a special purpose for you brother if you'll just allow Him to untie the fetters satan has you bound in ... i hope and pray that you'll allow Him ... Ameni really do appreciate your prayers towards my struggle, and you know you have mine towards yours ... God bless you Bubbaguy, may His grace, peace and mercy follow you all the days of your life ...Br. R