Hi DEADn,
When I first came to Christ, I had a tendency to see EVERYTHING as "black and white." I say "black and white" in a general sense.
What I mean by it is that I submerged myself into the Word of God. The summer that I met the Lord, I read the Bible (cover to cover) repeatedly. I just couldn't get enough! I also spent enormous amounts of time in prayer (it was, after all, the summer and I was still in school). It was all new to me -- a belief in God, the knowledge that I knew this God, the power of His Word, the truth of the Gospel, etc... So, I took whatever I felt that the Bible was saying and applied it to everything in my life -- including everything that I had previously learned and all of the interactions as well.
I suppose that this is common for many new believers. It was especially true for me because I had gone from a strong embrace of an agnostic view about life and "faith" to one of complete surrender to God. So, I felt that I had literally passed from darkness to light ("black" to "white").
This attitude affected some of the relationships that I had.
I went from having parents, siblings, ministers and other Christians pleading with me to come to Christ and live for God...to literally questioning the validity of their faith due to some of what I felt were "worldly" habits. I began to judge others by my own experiences in terms of my testimony. If someone didn't seem to spend as much time in prayer as I did, I questioned whether or not they truly knew the Lord. If someone didn't believe what I believed in terms of doctrines, I questioned how they could be a "real Christian." Although I stayed away from being "coached" on doctrinal issues by pastors and teachers, I formed my own views and would vigorously argue with those who disagreed. I would debate Christians from other denominations or doctrinal perspectives to the point that, in retrospect, I know that I was especially condescending. While I probably didn't say it, I questioned their maturity and, at times, their relationship with God.
As a new believer, I immediately realized how little that I "fit" in this world. I was so constantly aware that I was an "outsider" and nothing more than an "ambassador" to a lost world that I questioned how real believers who seemed more "content" in the affairs of this life could truly know God. For me, it seemed that ALL of my tastes had changed the moment that I committed my heart to Christ. The change was sudden. I threw away my comic book collection, threw away my video games, threw away a big portion of my wardrobe, stopped "cold turkey" when it came to music, television, movies, books, etc... I stopped "hanging out" with my old set of friends (except in a constant effort to convert them to Christ). I would "spiritualize" everything that I did -- even to the point of praying over everything from the type of toothpaste/toothbrush that I should use to carefully researching each musician before I would sing a worship song.
So, this was a bit of "black and white" perspective that I felt as a believer. After some time, this attitude almost felt like a "burden." It seemed like the only time that the burden would cease was when I spent time in prayer. I would pray for others...and I always seemed to feel that any "judgmental" attitude that I felt would dissipate in the presence of God.
When praying, I felt convicted that I wasn't loving people unconditionally or treating them how I would want to be treated. I also realized that the Word of God was "black and white" -- it says what it means. However, it was also filled with RED. The words spoken by Jesus were always filled with grace and a longing by God to hold even the "most lost" of the lost (if they would just turn to Him).
Interestingly, I began to learn to rely on the grace of God the more that I learned of God's character. God doesn't want people to perish. He doesn't long for people to go to Hell. Yet, Hell exists and Christ is the ONLY escape. Yet, at the same time, this holy God deserves the best that we can give to Him.
As I grew in the Lord, I remember stumbling and failing God. The words of Paul in Romans 7 ("the things that I don't want to do I keep on doing") became quite real. More and more, I found myself falling upon the mercy and grace of God. I remember being helped at the time by knowing that some of the "heroes" of the faith -- from the Old and New Testaments -- also endured their own failures and bad "good ideas." In addition, I noticed that my "view" and opinions on certain doctrinal issues changed as I grew in the faith and study of His Word. I regretted having previously taken such a "hard line" stand with certain believers -- even though I felt so certain that I was correct at the time.
As believers, we all have one thing in common. We are all confined to this side of that "glass darkly." None of us have arrived to the point of earthly perfection. We are not spiritually "invincible" because we are all at different stages of maturity and it only takes a single stumble into a well-placed pit to "make a mess" of ourselves and require a rescue from the Lord. Thus, it is good to always remember that we each have different strengths and weaknesses.
In fact, this may be the key that keeps us from taking an absolute "black and white" attitude that affects our ability to love and interact with others. We must ALWAYS remain desperate for the help of the Lord. We can do NOTHING on our own! We must be aware of how easily it can be to fall short of God's perfection. This realization of our own failed humanity is one way to see and perceive other believers without placing ourselves ahead of them.
So, in a longwinded answer to your question, I think that we can be "black and white" when it comes to God's Word (what it says) but "red" (better than gray) when it comes to how we deal with others as well as how we perceive and rely on His grace for ourselves.
