Natalie you have so eloquently brought a wonderful perspective to this conversation. You have paid a dear price for the faith you have, and I for one appreciate that you have shared it here.
Because the bottom line here is not trying to figure out formulas, or blame God for inconsistancies. It is the sharing of our own sometimes painful stories that build faith in ourselves and others.
That God must endure watching His beloved yet corrupted creation grind its way to redemption is a burden He carries. And he knows the pain of every person who lives before Him.
Jesus said, "Jerusalem, how often I wanted to gather you as a hen gathers her chicks- but you would not!"
I can't help but think that He grieves over our human suffering just as much or more than we do. Is it fair to think that if he did not hold to the hope of our redemption His own grief would be too much for Him to bear?
My handicapped daughter, 34 years old, is mentally around 12. But she and I attend a local church service here in the San Diego area designed specifically for mentally and physically challenged adults. I look around, and while it is grievous to see the chains that restrict the minds and bodies of these people, I also see an incredible outpouring of God's love- some from those with a wonderful gift of ministry, but some is just the way these "kids" minister love to one another!
The stories could melt a heart of iron. Many have conditions from birth, some from accidents- a couple men were run over by cars when they were toddlers! Some are bound by demons with no ability to understand or engage in spiritual warfare. They have the same sin problems, with rude and selfish behavior that they don't hide very well.
In the service they have very short attention spans, most all of them watching the door in the back to see if anyone is coming in. They wander about the church sanctuary, up on the stage to lead the singing- then they just stop and stare at the audience! Nearly every week a crude conga line forms during the worship time, they love to be active and moving.
This is no ordinary service!
Would that a sweet hand of healing might pass through and clear out all the maladies and calamitous misfortune! But that is not to be. For me, I just tell God I am so glad to be there, that He might use me for a moment, an issue, a soul to touch with His love, to be a part of whatever good He is doing in there!
Perhaps the larger perspective on healing is the hope of the coming Kingdom of God. We see a little healing here, a story of someone being healed a couple states away, stories of the great healings in the tent meetings of the '50's and '60's. We see "through a glass darkly" as we deal with the fact that we possess only a measure of the Spirit of God, not yet the fullness.
Perhaps one day we will be carried in the Spirit to see how prayers and healing worked out in our lives, along with a host of other events shaped by the way we either prayed or did not pray.
Which is why I will push myself to stay in prayer as much as I can, trusting that the sweet aroma of that will be useful to God.