Regret no more
I have struggled off and on with regret for a very long time. This is often how it begins, I am sitting alone, its quiet and I find my mind wandering when that accusing voice of “self” whispers “if only” into my ear. Those two simple words spoken and my heart becomes downcast, if only I had not done this or said that? “If only” I could go back and change that attitude or action in that moment in time. Regret is a powerful tool of the enemy and he uses self to attack with those two little words “if only.” As I considered these words and the power they have, the power I give them in taking my focus off of JESUS I began to pray. GOD in HIS mercy has shown me much over the years but the picture has become so much more clear to me, HE has given me deeper understanding into why I have so often struggled. I see that the root of this longing, of this desire to go back and have a “do over” is not a noble idea at all. No amount of telling myself I wish I could change things so that I would never have sinned against JESUS lessens the true sinful motivations of my heart. Deep down inside I want to feel better, I want to be worthy by my own merits. I use to think that if only I could change my actions then that person wouldn't be hurt, or caused to stumble. If only I could some how travel backwards and change myself so that I did not sin as I had done, if I had not lived for self things could be so different. But its futile thinking, the problem with “if only” is that its flawed. No amount of do overs can or will ever change anything because I would always be me, selfish, sinful me. So even if I could travel through time and “fix” everything I wouldn't because the problem would still be there, cause the problem was always me!! I realize now that the truth of the matter, the root of this sin in my life is a lack of faith, a lack of trust in HIM and a very deep rooted desire to be acceptable. I have been holding on to a hope that does not exist, a desire to change myself apart from HIM. Something that is impossible to do. JESUS does not require me to rewind time or go backward. HE does not ask me to fix every mistake or to make right each wrong...HE simply asks that I turn to HIM, repent of my sins, and submit my life unto HIM. As I move forward my eyes, my heart, my life are fixed on HIM and there is forgiveness and newness in life. As I walk with HIM there is peace knowing that those things in the past, those regrets that I have held on to, those moments that the enemy has used to attack me they are all forgotten and forgiven by HIM. I continue to see by hanging on to those hurts, those sins, those mistakes, I was attempting to be LORD of my own life, I was attempting to make my path straight with out HIM. By always giving power to those two little words, “IF only” I have been missing out on “What can be”! JESUS doesn't want my pound of flesh HE already gave HIS so that I would not have to. JESUS wants my whole heart to just simply realize that HE has taken care of everything, HE has done all that needs to be done and I just need to walk with HIM, abide in HIM, remain in HIM each moment or every day.
IT would be so easy today to place blame find excuse or other reasons why I struggle. Excuses that would make me “feel” better or lift the guilt I carry so that I could say see its not really my fault. That would be the way self would go, self would look deep inside, search over past sins and then proclaim its not really your fault because_______________________. LORD I don't want that easy road any more. I don't want to “feel better” or free up my conscious. FATHER I want to see the sin in my life for what it is, rebellion and hardness of heart towards YOU, I want to see it and then I pray help me turn from it!! No more excuses, no more easy roads, just knowing that all I need is JESUS and to come to the cross. JESUS is all that I need!!