I could use some help

I hope someone can offer some thoughts or understanding for me. Since I moved to the east coast I find myself struggling often with despair. I pray and seek God but especially as we get closer to winter I find this heavy, hopelessness feeling grows so much worse. There are days when all I want to do is cry(I don't) but I struggle with it. I don't want to give in to feelings and emotions but this cycle seems to be continuing and I don't want to be in sin. I find myself grumbling about the weather, how cold it is, the area around me, how expensive things are...its all so petty and I am angry with myself for even giving any of it thought and yet its always there like this heavy weight I can't get rid of. I know this is me, I know the LORD wants to set me free from this and HE is faithful to do so and yet I find I keep falling into this sinful pattern. I don't want to be like this and yet here I find myself again????

Any thoughts shared I would be thankful. I love the LORD and I don't want to keep walking in this attitude or heart, HE has blessed me so much. I am ashamed of myself, I have no reason to despair like this...

God Bless
maryjane

Hi MaryJane,

Sounds like you asked God to stand in the gap or to share His heart. You find that as you come to recognize the source of your feelings what is from God, those for whom you are interceding, your own and the temptations of the enemy. When I realized this in my own life, it brought understanding. It won't make it easier but will allow you to work more effectively.

I learned about this living with a divorcee old enough to be my mother. There were times when I would return from work and be half way home when I would get hit by a wall of lust. Eventually, it happened that she had boyfriends who would come over. I noticed that if I rebuked this spirit of lust as I approached the house that they would quickly excuse themselves. It got much worse than that and I was eventually asked to leave. I learned through that the buffeting of a watchman is almost constant. You learn to discern and the true source of what was once innocent. The Christian life is no longer a game, it's always on.

I've learned that the spirit of fear isn't a poetic allusion, nor are lust or greed. I have authority in the name of Jesus to get rid of them. I encourage you to listen to Jackie Pullinger, Art Katz and Milton Green. They walk in the reality of the eternal. Don't listen to Paul Washer, Leonard Ravenhill or John Piper, their understanding is from a very different perspective. Seek the face of God about this believing that He will speak clearly to you.

Mj,

I don't want to make this purely physical, but in my college, a Bible college, my psychology class was just studying about depression and how a certain form of depression is largely weather related and how in this people can become depressed by moving to a new area with different surroundings with different weather.

Clearly you know the Lord can and will help you, but I don't believe this is JUST spiritual, but how our brains and bodies work. I do not know the answer to help you, but hopefully that you knowing that it's not because you have a wrong relationship with God that you are feeling this way. I believe it "could" be largely if not all physical depression that you may want to look into and pray about.

Take this with a grain of salt and if you think some truth is in it pray in this area and maybe some physical action needs to take place?

In Love,
Joe

Mary Jane,

EDITED: I think I know what you are talking about, Mary Jane. May I suggest there may be a physical component at work here. Joe mentioned weather. I would agree. It is a well known fact that when there are weather changes it effects our emotions, our feelings of well-being. This is often cause by lack of sunlight or its intensity. It is an established fact that people who live in the far north are more susceptible to suicide during the long dark hours of their winter.

I do not know how old you are, Mary Jane, but I also suspect menopause could be a contributing factor. That is a big one. Some resort to HRT but I would discourage it believing it healthier to do it naturally - with God's help, but you do not sin if you choose to go that route.

Let me ask you - have you ever experienced something in your past that was traumatic to you during this particular time of the year? Several years ago I noticed that come December I experienced depression and could not figure out why. I just felt blah, glum, humbug when I usually looked at it with delight and pleasure. In carefully considering the recent years it was in December we became aware that our only daughter was not going to be with us much longer. And she wasn't - she died on January 14. That Christmas immediately prior was the most depressing holiday ever. After meeting with my family that was always a joyous occasion, we left for her house spending time with her, her husband and two small children. It was NOT a joyous occasion. Very solemn. After coming to an understanding of what is contributing to my glum feelings it was a lot easier to deal with. It also helps to realize that life is not one joyous party, there will be emotional ups and downs and this is normal. These feelings causes us to be aware of how we need the LORD Jesus to provide us with emotional stability.

God bless, Mary Jane.

Sandra

Try exercise, walking, jogging or higher intensity exercise if possible. I don't want to sound simplistic but I know from my own life I struggle with the same things you mention when I do not get physical exercise. The way our body and mind feels can have profound effects on our spiritual state, feelings of depression etc.

Depression is one of the most debilitating experiences that can come to anyone's life. It is so internal, so exhausting, it eats so much energy, drives your mind to spin away looking for answers. Don't take it lightly!

My first thought is that depression is a spirit. There are evil spirits that are not violent, not lustful, not angry- just miserable and annoying! But spirits none the less.

Isaiah 61 is a messianic prophecy- "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me... The Lord has annointed me to preach good news to the poor... (And down to a line in verse 3-)
Isaiah 61:3 NKJV
[3] To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified."

The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness!

When you force yourself to praise God, when you feel exactly opposite, you are engaging in spiritual warfare!

Singing worship songs helps, giving you a vehicle for your mind and tongue, and while I hesitate to mention this- speaking in tongues is a way I praise God when that spirit comes to work on me. He doesn't like it!

The other thing that is a must for dealing with depression is to actively thank people for what they give you, and thank God for the specific blessings you recognize from Him. Call someone from your past that helped you in some way and thank them for what they did.

Depression is real, powerful, dangerous! But fight it with the weapons God has placed in your hand and heart!

And I think you can be assured that we your Christian friends on the forum love you and are with you in this fight! None of us are immune to this beast!

Hey MaryJane. You always seem to have a steady word. I am sure this is really bugging you.

How long has it been since you moved? You may be encountering (geographic) strongholds of the enemy that are different from what you have dealt with before. You know what I mean? There may be strategies against you that are hindering you because you are dealing with it as you have, before you moved.

Maybe some fasting and prayer with focus on thanks and praise would free you up some and open up some communication from the Holy Spirit about what is going on.

Love from Russell

Greetings and salutations MJ

When I moved from sunny central California to the Pacific Northwest the weather pressed in on me also. For me it was more in the spring. I expected it to rain in the winter but all the way through June!?!

I struggled a great deal. I wanted to work in the garden not play in the mud. I tried to soldier on. I prayed. I tried to praise. ..... Finally after I had been here over seven years I reached the end of my rope. I remember the day I was curled up crying out to the Lord. I asked why I was so miserable. I cried and ... I asked the Lord to get me out of here, change the weather, or change me. Then I fell asleep.

I wish I could tell you when I woke up it was all different. It was not. I am still here over 20 years later. It still rains in the spring .... and I love it. You see, when I stopped trying and lay broken at His feet, little by little, day by day He changed me. He is so faithful and gentle and loving!

There is a name for the seasonal issue ~ SAD
Seasonal
Affective
Disorder
I believe there are full spectrum lights that help. I really don't know because the Lord changed me.

I will be praying for you.
REJOICE! =)
Mary

MJ, I took a decision this year to move my family from US to India. It was not because we lacked anything, it was a decision that I took believing God was leading me there. Having lived in US for more than 5 years with a high paying Job, my life style was so sophisticated. There is nothing I gave a second thought about buying or doing (as long as it was not sinful). I had money and fast lifestyle to afford all things. Here in India it is very different, even if you want you cannot afford most of the things simply because they are not available. But in all this even I was tempted to complain and grumble. But in all this God has lead me triumph in Jesus. I believe God is training me to be dependent on him. I believe most of the so called Christians living in US who think of themselves as strong in faith cannot survive in any under developed Country. In contrast I see the Christians here especially in villages, with full of faith and practical dependency on Jesus, their words are so blessing and also their life. All this is because of lack of sophisticated life style in Indian villages. I believe God is training me for a greater Good.

Same could be your case too, God wants to train you by taking you out of your comfort zone which is West. It is when we are taken out of our comfort zone we start walking looking at Jesus alone, like how Peter walked on water coming out of his comfort zone (boat) (Matt 14).

There is this verse that my wife often quotes to me when she sees me getting discouraged due to the conditions in India.

Jeremiah 12-5:-"If you have run with footmen and they have tired you out,
Then how can you compete with horses?
If you fall down in a land of peace,
How will you do in the thicket of the Jordan?"

Weather in East or Conditions in India are just like running with footmen, if we start complaining about them then when will we be ready to run with Horses? Say to be ready to go to Africa or China? Do you think God can use a person who is complaining about Weather in East or lack of standards of living in India to go as a missionary to China or any other nation under persecution?

I find myself grumbling about the weather, how cold it is, the area around me, how expensive things are...its all so petty and I am angry with myself for even giving any of it thought and yet its always there like this heavy weight I can't get rid of.

Greetings

First I wanted to say thank you all for sharing your heart here with me. I have been praying on these things and have found good seeds in what has been shared.

It was mentioned that the weather maybe playing a part, it is possible. I use to live in Nevada where we got over 300 days of bright sunshine a year to CT where there are just 190 days of partial sunshine each year. So the gray skies can influence me and on those days I do spend more time in prayer.

It was mentioned that perhaps something has happened this time of year to bring about these feelings? My answer to that would be no. I really have no excuse for this attitude of heart...

To answer another question if I had a choice in moving here, the answer is yes. We prayed about it and and felt GODS hand on our situation the entire time. Even now when I struggle with these feelings I know it's all my sin and I need to repent and die to it. Things here can be a lot more expensive and I do not like the weather so much but I realize those are just excuses to grumble on my part. I think I have been allowing these things to effect my attitude and heart even more then I realized.

I can not say that I like living here but I know in my heart its not about liking or disliking where I am its about trusting in HIM and walking by faith in where I am and what HE has for me.

Paul I want to say I appreciate what you wrote as well. I do need to seek HIM and have my attitude changed in this. I realize this as well, I may not like where I am in my flesh, but I have grown in my walk with HIM since moving here. My need for HIM has been greater and I realize that. I am out of my comfort zone and being stretched. Perhaps these times I go through are a reminder for me that I will never stop needing HIM. I will never reach that moment when I can walk on my own, I will always need HIM!!

Thank you again
God bless
mj

Hi MJ,

I like all the responses to your post. I read them with interest because I am experiencing the same thing! I live in a cold climate (Wisconsin), and as soon as I knew the weather was turning bad, I felt a heaviness over me. Also, I drive for my job, and I hate the bad weather driving! And also, I tend to get sick a lot in this season with colds, sinus problems, which I am battling now.

Some practical advice: Get your vit D level checked. I had mine checked and it was low, and now I am on supplements, and going to a tanning booth. I really would like to just get on a plane and go south for a few months! Low vitD can cause a lot of the symptoms you describe.

Not only that, Paul, but if you cast your cares on Christ, you make them virtually "nonexistent" by giving ownership over to Him. I have found that once I give my cares to Him, they no longer bother me and I am unhindered once again to praise Him and walk in peace. But casting our cares upon Him is not always as easy as one might think. A lot of things take place in our heart during the transition period of "owning" something and then "giving" it to Christ. The transition period can be very long or very short depending on us.

This provokes us to wonder: Did we really give it to the Lord at all, or have we been just deceiving ourselves with psychology? This can be torturous; it causes us to doubt in God's promises and adopt a fatalistic, defeatist mindset. This gives Satan ammunition to shoot at us. It is for this reason we must have an accurate understanding of God's character, the power of His Son's blood, the preservation and rejuvenation of the Holy Spirit.

The more we walk with God and suffer these trials, the more we'll begin to see patterns emerge as the seasons change in our walks with Jesus Christ. No matter what happens, the key to it all is to remain humble, open and honest before God. When Satan attacks your mind with suggestions, just keep saying, "These thoughts aren't for me" and then look up to Jesus in all your weakness.

It is VERY important to understand that they will not automatically stop when you do this; they will instead become insulated so that you can overcome them. In other words, they will become conquerable. The hurricane doesn't stop just because you put up storm shutters. When they come back the next day, with increased volume, you just repeat in your spirit again: "These thoughts are not for me" and look again to Jesus in surrendered weakness.

This is all part of the war we must fight. If you endeavor to live righteously, you will be persecuted, and the persecution is primarily in the spiritual. We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against demons who seek to inject our minds with impulses designed to draw out the lusts of our flesh in rebellion to God's Word. But we do not have to accept these impulses, and the inner man is allied with God to take these thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. It is in the process of apprehending these thoughts where we are wounded and fatigued. God realizes this, and therefore carefully monitors every test and trial He allows us to go through. When the trial has accomplished its purpose, He commands the waves to go no further and restores your soul to a place even higher than it was before the trial began.

Amos 2: When I lived in Central Illinois, I had to fight similar temptations. There was a heaviness that hung over that area too and many people, even during the boom years, were struggling. A common line was that people wanted to escape the area to somewhere more plentiful and with less corruption and political maneuvering. As a contrast, I visited Denver and Colorado City a few years ago, an area that has been promoted in the media as full of opportunity and growing but when I rode their lightrail through the city, it was very different than described. I got a sense of hopelessness and depression even though the sky was clear and sunny and areas seemed new. Have you identified with the people where you lived and taken on their tenor in an effort to relate or just acclimatize? God wants you to agree with what He says about the value of life, judgement and His provision. If you are complaining, you are not thankful. If you want more and more, it is because you have not fully identified with The Lord saying that He knows what you need and will provide it and that what you need is simply food in your stomach and clothes on your back. Grumbling and complaining are actually considered equal to witchcraft. When you complain about the weather, you are saying that the good thing God created to care for the plants and animals (and you!) is not what you really need.

When you see your neighbor, is it in God's love? The one that pronounces judgement but offers grace and mercy. Are they 'nice' people or lost people? Please consider Amos 2 as you consider your surroundings and your own heart. Remember that this trial is not just so that you can come to state of being more like Christ but that Christ will be able to use you in new dimensions.

Amos 2:1-16 (KJV)
Thus saith the Lord ; For three transgressions of Moab, and for four, I will not turn away the punishment thereof; because he burned the bones of the king of Edom into lime:
[2] But I will send a fire upon Moab, and it shall devour the palaces of Kerioth: and Moab shall die with tumult, with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet:
[3] And I will cut off the judge from the midst thereof, and will slay all the princes thereof with him, saith the Lord .
[4] Thus saith the Lord ; For three transgressions of Judah, and for four, I will not turn away the punishment thereof; because they have despised the law of the Lord , and have not kept his commandments, and their lies caused them to err, after the which their fathers have walked:
[5] But I will send a fire upon Judah, and it shall devour the palaces of Jerusalem.
[6] Thus saith the Lord ; For three transgressions of Israel, and for four, I will not turn away the punishment thereof; because they sold the righteous for silver, and the poor for a pair of shoes;
[7] That pant after the dust of the earth on the head of the poor, and turn aside the way of the meek: and a man and his father will go in unto the same maid, to profane my holy name:
[8] And they lay themselves down upon clothes laid to pledge by every altar, and they drink the wine of the condemned in the house of their god.
[9] Yet destroyed I the Amorite before them, whose height was like the height of the cedars, and he was strong as the oaks; yet I destroyed his fruit from above, and his roots from beneath.
[10] Also I brought you up from the land of Egypt, and led you forty years through the wilderness, to possess the land of the Amorite.
[11] And I raised up of your sons for prophets, and of your young men for Nazarites. Is it not even thus, O ye children of Israel? saith the Lord .
[12] But ye gave the Nazarites wine to drink; and commanded the prophets, saying, Prophesy not.
[13] Behold, I am pressed under you, as a cart is pressed that is full of sheaves.
[14] Therefore the flight shall perish from the swift, and the strong shall not strengthen his force, neither shall the mighty deliver himself:
[15] Neither shall he stand that handleth the bow; and he that is swift of foot shall not deliver himself : neither shall he that rideth the horse deliver himself.
[16] And he that is courageous among the mighty shall flee away naked in that day, saith The Lord.

Greetings

I just wanted to share that I have been spending much time in prayer. GOD has shown me some things about myself that I didn't see before, some areas that I have repented of. I am learning to that while it is ok not to like all the gray cloudy days its not ok to have the wrong heart or attitude about it. I have also learned that no matter what I need to keep my eyes focused and fixed on HIM. I realize its easy for me to think I am doing so when in reality I have begun to look to the externals around me instead. Externals are always going to be there and beyond my control but not beyond HIS. I need to remember its not about this life so much as training me and growing me to be who HE has for me to be!! As I reread some of the things shared GOD really has been working on my heart to see and understand, sometimes things that come up in life are really for my benefit even if in my flesh I don't always see that. I am learning again to trust and walk in faith.

This morning is dark, gray, and rainy but after praying I am doing good. The same things are still there but HE has answered prayer and helped me overcome my sinful attitude and I am very thankful!! I give HIM all the praise and glory as always HE helps me overcome and keeps me pressing in.

God bless
maryjane

Hi MJ,

It is good to examine ourselves to see if there is anything displeasing to the Lord, it sounds like you have done that. Do remember that we are spirit, soul AND body. So if the body is worn out, it can affect the rest, that is what I believe and have experienced. So some of the suggestions about exercise, health, etc are worth doing.

I read in your post about FOCUS. That is exactly what the Lord has shown me also, that I need to focus on Him, not the problems. To me it's like when driving in bad weather, and I see an accident on the road, I want to look right at that accident and take my focus off the road ahead, but I need to look straight ahead.