Just some thoughts... They may be a bit fragmented but you should get the drift of what I'm writing as a reflection.
Today is the 31st of January 2014, a very special day for me, and it isn’t even my birthday!
10 years ago tonight I became a Christian.
Looking back on how things have changed since then is always an interesting experience.
Since then, I have finished school, started working and got my driver’s license. However, they are small things in comparison to where my life has taken me in the past 10 years.
Let’s rewind back to 2003, I had grown up with Christian influence in my family and I had sort of always believed in God but had never taken it too seriously and sort of thought that he was there more for me than anything else. It was a very one way relationship or, so I thought.
In 2003, I remember one time doing something I shouldn’t have been doing when a thought came from seemingly out of no-where which was, "If I was to die today, God would send me to hell for doing this…”
This was a thought not of my own, it was almost audible. It is hard to explain.
Not long after this I started searching and trying to get my head around it while at the same time disengaging from the church I went to at the time, Mentone Baptist, and trying to justify why I didn’t want to go.
In September of that year, we went away with Grandad to Adelaide, where I remember asking him questions about God. He was gracious as always, though quite direct in his answers. This was later to become something that would grow our relationship.
I also remember one time when I was staying at a mate’s place just before term 4. I visited his church, St. Mark’s, where I instantly felt comfortable, I don’t know why, but there was just something in the atmosphere. Time progressed and I went back to school, at this point asking God on a daily basis about stuff, not quite believing but wanting to believe. I asked him if he was real if he could show himself to me. I spoke to friends about giving my life to God (without really knowing what that meant) and got told that I was silly.
Fast forward to 2004, I am at Phillip Island, with my mates and his church, once again I am with St. Mark’s. We are on a conference and there is a lot of interesting stuff being said but at the same time I do not completely understand it all and would rather be silly in my seat with one of my mates than listen properly. This woman comes to me a little later and asks me if I am a Christian and the conversation went something like this;
"What’s your name?”
"Michael.”
"Are you a Christian?”
"I’m not sure, I don’t know what to believe.”
"I suggest you read the book of Mark.”
"OK, I will, thanks.”
I don’t know if I intended to actually do it or not, but come later that night ”“ it isn’t going to matter.
We are sitting there after our last session. It is about 10 o’clock, maybe 9.30 or so and we are starting to wrap up to go to bed. They are playing some reflection music and we are told to pray quietly about something. "God, are you real?” was my prayer. Instantly, I’m overcome with the closest thing I can describe as excitement and joy. I turned to the girl I was sitting next to (my mate’s girlfriend) and said, "We need to pray!” Noticing that something isn’t quite normal, we go out to pray outside overlooking the lake and I was too nervous to pray so she did it for me. We prayed that God come into my life, internally I am confirming what she is saying. I look up filled with joy. It is an amazing sight.
She goes in to tell others what has happened, within a very short time I have the two pastors present praying for me. Peace floods through me, joy floods through me and understanding. All of a sudden over the next two days, I get it! I understand God.
I get given a tract and it is "Two Ways To Live”. It explains that the wage of sin is death and clearly lays out the meaning of Christ’s death. This makes sense. God confirms this with me inside my spirit. I now understand the stuff I’ve learnt over the years. Why sin is bad, why I would go to hell for my wrong doings, how God sees it. My knowledge has changed; I can see the scriptures as more than just words. Things seem so much clearer about life.
Over the years I’ve grown from someone who has just been sitting in church absorbing the information to being on teams and to serve others and in effort to help grow them in faith or come to know what I have experienced and (most times) It brings me joy to serve others and to give to others.
I’m doing youth work at our church now, I’ve done small groups, I’ve led meetings and co-ordinated services etc.. I’ve done a lot more than I ever thought possible.
I wonder what God has for me in the future. I look forward to that.
As I transition from a young adult into a full adult things are changing. Life’s demands are changing. While exciting this can also be scary but knowing God is there amongst these frustrations is a real help.
I went from being a person who didn’t want to go to church to someone who can’t get enough of it, most times. I went from being depressed at times and at times unsociable to feeling joy in life and being a more daring with meeting people. God’s fruits are real, you really become a new creation with new attitudes, outlooks on life and a new purpose in life.
I have had hurt in some awful ways during my life, had some horrible stuff happen, lost a few that I care about, been unwell at times, I suffer with anxiety disorder but even through those times there is still an element of joy and very rarely do I feel unrecoverable. God helps keep my focus. It is a true God given joy. That doesn’t always mean happy, but it means that I have hope. An eternal hope.
The most important part of all this though is the salvation given to me through Jesus. Only through Jesus am I saved from my constant mess-ups. I will mess up again and again until the day I die and when your realise that you can’t repair your relationship with Christ yourself is the day you understand Grace and the real purpose of Jesus.
This all happened 4 days before my 18th birthday, just before I started being an adult. I don’t know where I would be now if I didn’t have Christ. It was almost like a birthday gift from God!
Michael