Friendships and relationships are good. I"m not too fond of this article but it presents some cautions on friendship evangelism:
Part II Problems with Friendship Evangelism
6 Friendship Evangelism Is Dishonest
Nowhere in the New Testament can we read of Jesus approaching people like this:
"So you’re not really interested in giving your life for God? Don’t worry, just come and join us for some fun…” (i.e. relaxing together, listening to music, playing sport or some other hobby).
However, in the back of his mind he thinks: "…if they just come to the games night, I can get a chance to slip in a few words about the gospel.”
Jesus respected people’s wish not to live with God, and did not try to influence (manipulate) them, not even "for their own good” (i.e. that they might be saved). He knew it doesn’t work that way and that any other approach than a direct one is not honest. Appealing to people’s desires in order to influence them is sheer manipulation””just like any worldly marketing strategy which tries to push people into buying things they never really wanted. In this way people are treated as objects rather than individuals with a free will. In contrast to this, Christian love means taking people seriously in their beliefs and opinions, and not using deceitful tactics in order to "win them over”. Remember the example of Paul mentioned in 1 Corinthians 2:1”“5.
Enticing people with things they like also gives a distorted picture of Christianity because it gives the impression that you can hold on to your life (your pleasures). Such an approach makes it seem as if there is little difference between the life of a believer and an unbeliever.
7 Friendship Evangelism Encourages a Worldly Lifestyle
The problem is that many religious people themselves see no problem in pursuing their pleasures while living with God. Through their lives (their words may sound different) they proclaim that faith is just like another hobby you can fit alongside your other worldly interests. Faith becomes something to be touched on every now and then, as one feels like it, rather than being something that consumes a Christian’s entire life.
Where the wish to give one’s life completely for God is missing, friendship evangelism provides a convenient excuse to continue sinning under the guise of remaining "relatable”, or "building a base” to talk about God with others. This approach is neither honest towards oneself, nor towards God or other people.
May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. (Galatians 6:14)
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Galatians 2:20)
Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me. (John 12:25”“26)
When friendship evangelism is used to justify doing things that do not please God, there is practically no limit to what is possible for a Christian to do. Some take a slightly milder approach, only going as far as inviting unbelievers for a games evening at home…others take it as far as going to parties or to the disco (or still worse, holding a "Christian” disco) in the name of "evangelism”.
Some religious people even go to great lengths to prove to unbelievers: "I’m no different to you…I’m a fan of the same football team…I listen to the same music…I saw the same movie as you….”
This does not help people to repent because it hinders them in understanding God’s holiness and denies that many such activities are in themselves sinful.
John writes:
Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Fatheris not in them. For everything in the world””the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life””comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever. (1 John 2:15”“17)
8 Christians Cannot Make Friends with the World
It is normal for Christians to seek God’s will in everything they do, as too, is the longing to view day to day occurrences with his eyes. This leads to fundamentally different perspectives on almost everything and to entirely different priorities and usage of time than for unbelievers. As a Christian strives to live a holy and godly life, they will be confronted with how incompatible their life is with that of unbelievers.
This is not a "problem” to be overcome by making compromises, but a natural, albeit painful, part of being "aliens and strangers” in the world that Christians must humbly accept (Hebrews 11:13, 1 Peter 2:11).
Jesus himself made no apologies for his choice of friends:
You are my friends if you do what I command. (John 15:14)
He did not try to be friends with everyone. He knew that those who reject his message live in opposition to God and that his path was an entirely different one to theirs.
These passages express the separation that exists between a believer and an unbeliever:
You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world means enmity against God? Therefore, anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? (James 4:4”“5)
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is yourlife, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. (Colossians 3:1”“7)
When Jesus sent the disciples out to preach the gospel he commanded them to separate from those who were not open for their message:
Whatever town or village you enter, search there for some worthy person and stay at their house until you leave. As you enter the home, give it your greeting. If the home is deserving, let your peace rest on it; if it is not, let your peace return to you. If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet. Truly I tell you, it will be more bearable for Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town. (Matthew 10:11”“15)
Likewise, Paul expressed how impossible it is for believers and unbelievers to share in fellowship:
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God has said: "I will live with them and walk among them, and I will be their God, and they will be my people.” Therefore, "Come out from them and be separate, says the Lord. Touch no unclean thing, and I will receive you.” And, "I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God. (2 Corinthians 6:14”“7:1)
Paul borrows this picture from the law: "Do not plough with an ox and a donkey yoked together” (Deuteronomy 22:10). To do so would make ploughing a straight line near impossible. Similarly, a believer wants to do things which bring glory to God, and an unbeliever does not. In spiritual matters they cannot work together, and everything in a Christian’s life is to be considered spiritually. There is no "free time” in which spiritual principles do not apply. Every situation is a service to God ("service” is not a Sunday morning meeting, see Romans 12:1”“2).
The attitude of wanting to serve God cannot remain a theoretical wish, but necessarily leads to completely different activities and use of time to unbelievers. Apart from the daily responsibilities of work or school etc., we have to consider how we use our time and what the priorities are. Unbelievers often look for their own aims such as how to amuse themselves, but believers look at how Jesus lived and seek tasks that are not for their own amusement, but which serve God’s kingdom””such as fellowship with other believers, or evangelism, reading the Bible, prayer etc.
The passage in 2 Corinthians 6:14 ff. is often wrongly limited to marriage or partnership.
The context of verse 14 contains no mention of marriage. Paul uses very strong expressions to show the opposition between the life of a believer and an unbeliever. They have no more agreement than Christ with idols! To exclude that this passage refers to friendships would be inconsistent with other passages in scripture that speak about separation (see Psalm 1, 1 Peter 4:3”“5, Matthew 10:34”“36, Matthew 18:15”“18, James 4:4”“6, Ephesians 5:3”“7, 1 John 1:5”“7). It would also be arbitrary to refer this only to marriage and not to friendships. If there is such a difference between believers and unbelievers, how can friendship be possible?
Paul did not mean, however, that Christians cannot co-operate with unbelievers at all, for example in the workplace or at school. At work, the tasks in themselves are not opposed to God, and a Christian can show a good example by working in a way which pleases God. In such contexts, it is important to be cooperative, helpful and considerate. Respect and submission to authorities is also biblical (Romans 13:1”“7). We should only be careful not to compromise our faith. If Christians did not work in normal society, they would have to leave it entirely””which would be unbiblical (John 17:15).
A strong reason for many people to take part in things they know deep down are not pleasing to God is the fear of people’s reactions””the fear of losing friendships and being rejected. Looking for acceptance by unbelievers leads a person very far from God. Concerning this, Jeremiah wrote:
This is what the Lord says: "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord. That person will be like a bush in the wastelands; they will not see prosperity when it comes. They will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives."But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” (Jeremiah 17:5”“8)
Concerning the consequences of pleasing people see also: John 5:44 and 12:42”“43, Luke 9:26, Galatians 1:10.
9 Friendship Evangelism Is Exclusive
9.1 Favouring Some and Not Others
Jesus loved everyone and was ready to give everything in order to lead them to a relationship with God. He did not want people to attach themselves to him personally.
Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, "Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.” "Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked. Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, "Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.” (Mark 3:31”“35)
Jesus was open for everyone who wanted to know God. It was them to whom he devoted his time, and not the many who were not interested in hearing what he had to say.
Friendship evangelism on the other hand, leads to befriending a few people in order to "reach” them with the gospel. Often these relationships are built purely on personal preference (who it is that you like or find interesting, or where there is some common interest””just like people in the world). This kind of friendship is based on selfish motives rather than the selfless wish to serve whoever we can. Such relationships are also exclusive””some are preferred, others are not and remain alone.
Ask yourself: "Who is my real family? Who do I really have time for? Is God the aim of these relationships?”
By focusing on a few unbelieving friends, who may never decide to follow Christ, many are passed by who may well be searching for God at this point in time. This is not love. We should be actively open for everyone who is looking for God right now.
He said to another man, "Follow me.” But he replied, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father.” Jesus said to him, "Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” (Luke 9:59”“60)
Jesus calls the man to leave others to bury his father so that he can preach the good news to people who are searching for God. He says that those who are spiritually "dead” (i.e. who do not want to live with God) can take care of this task. This is of course not a rule against burying someone. It does, however, show that Jesus was ready to cut through social norms in order to put the spiritual priorities first, even if it meant offending others. If he considered an occasion such as a burial so secondary, that the unbelievers should deal with it themselves, then how much less would he have spent vast amounts of time doing unnecessary things with them?
So we see that Jesus did not consider it right to spend many months and years "patiently” trying to draw people to himself. Through his words the urgency and priority of the matter was made clear and people were faced with the decision to accept or reject God’s call. Having chosen God, they too should follow their master in showing others what it means to put service in God’s kingdom first in their lives.
True friendships are built not on human preference, but on the common wish to serve God. Only then, when the focus is not pleasing each other, but pleasing God, can deep, free, selfless relationships develop. Such relationships are a testimony to the world of the love that God works in those who follow him (see John 13:34).
People have many reasons for choosing who their friends are””often based on common interests, human sympathies, personal preferences or advantages…and other such aims, which are largely selfish. Christians, on the other hand, are called to love everyone, without bias. This love means inviting them to know God and his love. If people reject this love, then we have to accept that we cannot help them.
9.2 Clinging to People Endangers Spiritual Life
For many, the wish that loved ones will be saved is a great hindrance to clearly assessing their lack of openness. This, in turn, leads to making compromises concerning matters of obedience to God because of the expectations of friends and relatives, and to losing the clear spiritual assessment of how important it is to look for God’s will in everything. By this the standard for Christian life, that is, the truth, is changed.
Jesus knew that clinging to people will hold many back from entering the Kingdom of God. He loved people more than anyone. He was aware that love means not compromising the message, or trying to make the narrow way broader, and that it is not possible to live with God without taking up the cross.
Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. (Matthew 7:13”“14)
Those who attempt to make the narrow way broader so that those they love are included, depart from the message of Jesus. They cannot then lead other people to God and will lose the way to life themselves. This is not love””even if it might look and feel like love to live up to the expectations of others.
It was for good reason that to those following him, Jesus said:
Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 10:37”“39)
10 Friendship Evangelism Hinders Deeper Community Life
In order to maintain relationships with unbelievers you have to spend (much) time with them. If all believers do that, then they cannot really share deep committed relationships with one another, because each of them does different things during the week. They have trouble finding time to come together: one person has volleyball on Mondays, the other has art club on Tuesdays, another arranged to see a film with work colleagues on Wednesday…and so the list continues. There is simply not the time anymore to meet together each day to read the Bible and share their lives. This is not the pattern of life we can read of in the New Testament. Of the Jerusalem community we know:
They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. (Acts 2:42”“47)
Here we see that the Christians devoted their lives to each other. They invited others to share this with them. Their common life was by no means a hindrance in having enough time to call unbelievers to life with God. We have much evidence of how they worked together to call people (instead of each one carrying out their own personal "mission”). Through sharing they were able to support one another and free up more capacity for evangelism and for fellowship. Their love for each other and the unity among them was the testimony to the change of life that salvation brings and demonstrated very visibly what it means to give one’s whole life to Christ.
See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called "Today”, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end. (Hebrews 3:12”“14)
The writer of Hebrews encourages the Christians in this passage to show care and concern for each other’s spiritual lives every day. Furthermore, he connects this with a strong warning to ensure that everyone receives the help they need to overcome sin. The fight for holiness leads naturally to the recognition that we are weak, and need much strengthening in our Christian walk.
