sermonindex
Jul 4, 2014
As per request of user we have removed the post..
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As per request of user we have removed the post..
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A very difficult subject, very grievous indeed; perhaps this will be misunderstood as coming from a man but I feel led to share some thoughts after reading this;
Perhaps there is a "reason" to leave but is there a "right" to do so when God's grace is available to His child?
May I suggest a reading of Amy Carmicheal's book Mimosa?
Here is a prayer from Mimosa;
Mimosa went out to pray: "O God, my husband has deceived me, his brother has deceived me, even my mother has deceived me, but You will not deceive me…Yes, they have all deceived me, but I am not offended with you. Whatever You do is good. What should I do without you? You are the Giver of health and strength and will to work. Are not these things better than riches or people’s help?….I am an emptiness for You to fill.”
In Christ,
Ron
It is a grievous thing indeed to be married to the enemy. The only way through is to set your eyes and your heart fully upon Jesus. To turn to Him with every hurt and sorrow. To learn that He can shield and protect you in every situation. While we may not ever have a right marriage here on earth, we have been assured that we will have one in heaven. Jesus will never leave you or forsake you.
Call upon Him now. Ask Him to wrap you in the wings of His love as He carries you through. Put all of your trust in Him.
Hi Ron,
I looked twice when I saw you mention the book Memosa. This book was such a blessing to my own mother. She suffered for 10 years to a very controlling man, then she found Jesus and her sufferings increased to violence as well as control for a further 15 years. She was despised and beaten and used for 15 years. Her body was broken many times, she had to hear details of his infidelities , she was assaulted on every front. Time and time again she found her strength in the Lord. She believed that the Lord had asked her to stay and that this was a battle for my father's soul. This to me is the key, she was asked to stay. She could have easily left early and went into hiding with her children and never marry again, just stay single. She choose to be obedient to that small still voice which ran counter to many well meaning and good advice to the contrary. After 15 years she heard the Lord say that it was time to leave. She left him and took her children into the shelter for battered women. Within one year, my dad, at the age of 49, came to Jesus. He was immediately delivered from drink, even although he had been an alcoholic for more than 25 years and been hospitalized in pshyciatric wards many times for it. That was 26 years ago.
I myself have been married to an unbeliever for over 20 years, we had been married for over 10 years when I became a Christian. Heartsong is right, we can find all that we need in the Lord. He is our all and despite some intense lonliness and sad-ness , He has reigned in our marriage and I have seen the " unbelieving wife sanctified by the believing husband," to such a point most have no idea that she is an unbeliever. I do believe in separation for abuse unless the Lord says otherwise. One can separate and remain single. This actually contributed to my father coming to the Lord when faced with losing what he, despite his actions, desired and wanted...............bro Frank
Thank you Heartsong. I appreciate your words.
Soulwon,
I am curious - are you writing about yourself, or was this article penned by someone else?
In any case, I think Frank's suggestion is right on. There is no one size-fits-all solution to this issue.
Except.
I would not encourage a wife to cover up for her husband. He needs to feel the consequences of his own sin. Covering up can result you being an enabler. I know that when you step aside and allow others to see what is happening too many will blame the wife for his behaviors - too many think a wife is responsible for her husband's behavior but you rarely hear where a husband is accused of of his wife's misbehavior. We all would do well to quit the blaming game - as long as you play it no one is taking responsibility for their actions and no solution is forthcoming. One needs to listen for that still small voice for guidance and do it in these terrible situations.
God bless.
I myself have been married to an unbeliever for over 20 years, we had been married for over 10 years when I became a Christian. Heartsong is right, we can find all that we need in the Lord. He is our all and despite some intense lonliness and sad-ness , He has reigned in our marriage and I have seen the " unbelieving wife sanctified by the believing husband," to such a point most have no idea that she is an unbeliever.
Hello Frank,
My testimony is very much the same as yours concerning marriage, thank you for sharing this and the account of your parents. Praise God for His mercy and love!
In Christ,
Ron
Dearest Soulwon,
Please know that I am speaking from a similar background, having felt and expressed the same words you have expressed in much pain, sorrow and disappointment...coming out on the other side of divorce which devastated, brought even more sorrow, sadness and pain.
I can now say that being in an almost unbearably difficult relationship is the opportunity of a lifetime to die to self daily (needs, wants, desires to see the other one changed). If you will stay the course, stay on your knees, love this man and bless him in the midst of heartache and sorrow...you will be counted worthy of a crown of righteousness that only through suffering is attained.
You can suffer with complaining and anger (been there, done that) or you can count this suffering to be a great gift that God will bring you through with great joy in the morning.
It all depends on you. Not your husband. It depends on you going to Jesus every minute of the day and saying, how do I make it through this marriage Lord, with you. How do I bless this enemy?
How is this any different than a Christian in the middle east being killed for loving Christ more than their life?
It is not different. This is persecution and our mandate is to say, "Blessed are we, Jesus, when we are hated, maligned, treated badly, persecuted..."
You see, dear sister...if we concentrate on the suffering in a worldly or humanistic way (I deserve my best life now) then we are going to miss the blessed call to suffer for His Name's Sake. Just by turning around this thought process to the mind of Christ, the persecution turns into a blessing.
Others here have shared loving words and experiences, I humbly offer mine, having failed to love as Christ loved.
I have been forgiven, but lost much.
Sister Leslie
wow what wisdom lesmant, bibilcal wisdom
Thank you ginnyrose, I got it from a book I read called The emotionaly destructive marriage by Leslie Vernick. But everything I took from this book pertain to me. I added some and took some away. It was the very first book on marriage that I read that understood where I was coming from. And understood me and my circumstance.
Greeting soulwon
I will be praying for you. I hope you can read sister Leslie
post to you because its exactly the heart Christ calls
us to have. Her testimony speaks to the opportunity you now
find yourself in. I was moved by her words to you.I pray you find comfort in her words and know Jesus loves you and your husband so much and longs to draw you close to Him. Having struggled for years myself I know how difficult it can be to love another but I encourage you to keep your eyes on Jesus and His love will break through the sorrow and pain.
After many years both my husband and I have come so far and
its only by His strength we have made it here and are able to continue on.
God bless you
Maryjane
Dear sister Leslie, I agree with what you said and I do understand. You expressed much words of wisdom here and good words of advice. In my marriage of 30 years I made the Lord my husband I was a praise and worship leader and elder in my church. I would spend time in prayer every day and read the word faithfully for hours every day. My passion for His word I treasure and hold dearly. for 20 years I have had a card system that I use, I read the old, new, psalms proverbs every day and only write down what comes alive to me I always get amazed that the pastor will be speaking on the same thing or i'll go to bible studies and I'll know to share because they'll be talking what I read that week. I have such a hunger for his word that has filled this loneliness to some decree. I have been apart for for over two years now, I enjoy being on my own but I do fight with "all things are possible." I don't want to go back. And he is very happy living with his mom and dad. But I do miss the joy I once had
united with Christ. I was always very happy in my walk with the Lord. I've
had no desire to play my guitar and sing. I've lost the joy I once had in the Lord. And I did love my husband hoping one day it would be real. Doing my Christian thing when he said mean things to me I would just love him back. But 30 years of abuse and hoping took its tole.
Thank you Maryjane
Bless you sister...... I was only 17 when I met my husband he was my first boyfriend I grew up in a Christian home and he was not saved. We were breaking up at the time when I found out I was pregnant. I ran away from my wedding everyone was planning for me because I didn't even like him. But after our son was born he came and got me and we end up marry, I remember crying all the way to the court house I've never experienced such dread as that day I thought I was going to my own funeral. And because of God's word I stayed and was abused for 30 years.
Greetings Soulwon
Your story is similar to my own,in that I was 16 when I got pregnant and then married my husband. We were both so young, selfish and immature that we played right into the enemies hands and after fifteen years of marriage things came to head. I was pregnant with my fifth child and my husband just walked away. I was very ill and it was easy to see myself as the victim in that situation. For years I had been building up anger, bitterness and resentment toward my husband. For years I had given room to the enemy in my life to twist what ever love I had into bitterness and self justification. It wasn't until after my son was born that two very strong believers in CHRIST came to stay with me and help me. I had given birth prematurely to my son, then two days later they did gall bladder surgery while I was still in the hospital. It was a difficult time. I remember crying so hard and then this sister spoke to me about love, not the silly romantic fluff the world promotes, but really loving another person. I was stunned here I was in this terrible situation, and she was laying some of the sin of a failed marriage at my door. I couldn't believe it...but then GOD got a hold of my heart and the more I saw of myself the more I realized that it wasn't all my husbands fault. He was just as lost as I was. He was just as deceived as I had been. So I took my eyes off of me and put them on JESUS for the first time. I began to pray for my husband in a way I never had before. I began to love him as I never had before and GOD began working in our lives. I wanted to see my life change and my husbands life change, but not because I wanted a better family life or to save my marriage. I wanted us both to know HIM and live for HIM because JESUS alone is worthy and I didn't want to give the enemy another victory in my life. It wasn't over night, there were/are still times of ups and downs but so much has changed and I know it all began when I let GOD begin HIS work in my life and stopped looking at what I "thought" needed to be done in my husbands life. I had always thought there was one bad guy in my marriage, imagine my surprise when it turned out, there were two!
I will keep you and your husband in my prayers. Just know that in CHRIST "all things are possible." Marriages can be restored even after years of being apart.I know of such testimonies, but what is most important is that those who are lost come to JESUS, those who are in need of HIM find HIM. Those who are in sin repent so that JESUS be lifted up and glorified.
God Bless
maryjane
Dear Sister being single, myself, and never married I can't begin to imagine the pain you have and are experiencing.
But you mentioned your passion for the word of God. I pray you will find much comfort in that. I also pray you find much comfort from Him who is the Word.
You are in my prayers.
Blaine
Thank you sister Martyjane, thank you for your words. you know I really did keep my focus on the Lord he was my everything, still is, that's how I got through 30 years. I use to say focus on things above. Col 3. Im actually not anger or bitter at him, , and I do forgive him. I believe for some strange reasonhe he is incapable of loveing, I feel sorry for him. He told my pastor he enjoyed putting me down that it made him feel good. Most of family are delighted that I am no longer with him and actually fear I would go back. He was mean to my family all Christians, and would go hide himself in the bedroom if they came over, they would say hi and try to talk to them and he would just ignore them as if they weren't there. One time I invited my dear brother and family over for thanksgiving he was so angry he busted up are coffee table to pieces. So to please him and keep peace I only invited his family. His mom and dad are great people and I still love them. I remember one time I thought I would be cold and mean to them like he was to mine and I just couldn't it's not in me.
Thanks brother Blaine, bless ya. I don't really understand why I'm sharing all this I've always lived in a everything is ok happy bubble. It's strange. I've always hide every thing even from my family. But they knew.
Dear sister
I believe that you did the right thing in leaving an abusive marriage and should only return if there has been a drastic change following quite a lot of counselling for him which it sounds like is not happening.
It takes a long time to recover from psychological and emotional abuse - much much longer than it takes for scars from physical abuse to heal.
It is ten years since I left my husband, but in fact he had said to me that he had decided that we were no longer married, but wanted us to continue to live together (he did not want to leave) but he said he was looking for someone else. I left because I became afraid for my life (planned by him I guess) after his behaviour and at the time I had not recognized the extent of the psychological abuse during the whole marriage, as he did not fulfill his vows of love honour and obey. He ended up with our two adult sons as well as the home as he had manipulated them to blame me for everything.
It has taken all of this time to recover and that means spiritually as well. But he Lord has restored me and healed me completely and I am now able to devote myself entirely to Him and am content on my own.
Please get some counselling if you have not already done so and take time to go through the healing process. The Lord will bring you through it. God bless you.
Thank you krautfrau and your so right, it's been two years and it's like I'm just starting to see clearly . I too had not recognized the extent of the psychological abuse. But I do suffer like I'm in rebellion and God could not use me again because I'm not with him. How do I get through that. People quote God hates Divorce, and I know this, but doesn't God hate abuse is that not sin as well. Does he not hate evil behavior and perverse speech. Prov 8:13 I think the church needs to grow more in the awareness of this, it's like they don't hear your pain.
The church is very poor in supporting abused women, its like they turn a blind eye to it or even start saying that men get abused as well which is rubbish, as it can never be as bad as for a woman due to her lesser size and power which brings in the fear factor and the secondary place in society which she has grown up with and which has impacted her self esteem and sense of self worth.
God never expects us to stay in a place of danger, in fact it is foolish and I get annoyed when I hear people tell a woman to stay. If she stays she is complying with the abuse. Ignore the foolish ones.Your husband has had a chance to change and win you back and the onus was on him so dont worry about it you did right.
Rest in Him and He will heal you. The lack of support and understanding from the brethren will be turned around and used for your benefit spiritually as He is on our side.
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