Being betrayed

So, I've been praying more and more to act and be God's love in the world.

I find it a very difficult task. The call of the gospel wasn't spoken of as an 'easy task' but it would be light.

Light in the regards that I don't need to protect my possessions, that God would protect them.

Light in the regards that I don't need to have all the answers but instead just seek my Good Heavenly Father and He will meet them all.

To be clear, I think focusing on love and how to be love is our commandment from Jesus. Anything less than this, isn't what Jesus taught the disciples nor what He is teaching the church today.

We can have all the right answers and not love, guess what? We are naked and hungry according to God.

So, I feel I've reached an impasse with this journey. An impasse that I want to be like Nehemiah, remove the wicked but build the righteous. To be like Jesus, demonstrate His kingdom but defend it from wolves.

Yet, something within me is struggling. Struggling to be like Jesus to Judas. How? How?

There is this holy call. To be different than the world. To fight the good fight of faith. But when someone SO close to you, betrays you, what then? How shall I demonstrate His love in the world?

I know I'm not alone in this struggle. Every day new denominations form because of an offense. Where one side feels 'betrayed' and the other goes off and does there own thing.

I think sacrificial love, is a gift from God. Sure, others may say we must 'rebuke' those within our courts. But Jesus said to Judas, "Go, do what you must."

How can I be like this? To love my enemy. To love my close friends and family that then betrays me? That daggers me in the deepest place?

I'm not seeking answers. I'm seeking God. I don't need theology, I need a new heart.

Anyone else on this journey?

Look at what God has ALREADY done for you and in you!
You Got HIS LOVE AND HIS HEART NOW!!!

Ezek. 36:25-27, "I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean, I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from your idols. Moreover I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you, and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you and cause you to walk in my statutes, and you will be careful to observe my ordinances."

Deut. 30:6, "And the Lord thy God will circumcise thine heart, and the heart of thy seed, to love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, that thou may live."

I disagree that 'He has already done this now'.

The NT scriptures talk about 'growing in grace' and 'growing in love'.

The Good News is what God has already done in Christ concerning you.

Yes we all need to grow in grace but you need to believe what God said He has already accomplished.

You NOW have His Love and a New heart. Embrace that and experience it daily and you will grow in grace.

I'm not a fan of when someone who tries to tell my my experience. "You are...blah blah" Sorry bro but again. I respectfully disagree. That may be your experience but it's not mine.

"I'm not sure what your specific circumstances are, but I can identify with some of what you wrote."

Well, I have no 'specific circumstance'. But when I read the Gospel I feel shaken a little. "What would I do if Judas were in my life? Would I act like Jesus? I doubt it." Also, I watched a movie on St. Francis of Assisi. Where some in his inner circle changed his ways and Francis felt betrayed. I was like, 'Man, if he acted that way. That's impressive. I couldn't. I wouldn't.'

I feel that this area of love. Loving even when greatly and deeply wronged, is an area that God is focusing on in my walk with Him.

Thank you for your insight Tolu. I appreciate it. It's helpful!!

I believe God is calling me to a deeper level of faith. That, He is preparing me in mysterious ways.

After this thread was started, I chewed on it more. Mostly going back to my examples of Jesus with Judas Iscariot and St. Francis of Assisi and his followers.

But now that I look back, I don't see Jesus as being betrayed by Judas but instead 'not being of His fold'. That Jesus brought someone who wasn't of God, close, to love them and show them the model of life.

Kind of if I bring in a prostitute into my home. I don't learn of her ways. Instead, I show her day by day the way of life I live, act, breathe, and have my being. She may leave and still choose prostitution but she had a first hand experience of the Truth. (fyi, I wouldn't recommend this. this is just an illustrative example to hopefully elaborate on my statements)

But as a personal testimony, someone close to me decided to reject our agreement and counsel. Decided to act alone even though we mutually decided to act together at a later date. They acted prematurely. At first I was angry but I decided to check my attitude. And just mourn as things were badly going down. I was sitting in my pain as everything went down.

Now, at this moment, sure I felt betrayed. But I decided to let go of control. To let go of the trampled agreement. To just pray because it was fully out of my control.

Sure enough. God showed up. Not through me but through the one I felt betrayed by. In my mind, it was nothing short of a miracle.

I did discuss things with the breaker of the agreement but I also told them. "Honestly, I'm not going to hold onto what you did against me. I wouldn't like to see it in the future but all I can really say is that I'm glad God showed up and did only what God could do. Restore. Heal. And unify."

I could've continued in my betrayal. Anger. Resentment. Pain. Ideal. But God was doing something greater. He turned a horrible methodology into something of His glory.