Master, my end from the beginning before you Is naked and clear. I am afraid of this false and Shallow assurance that lodges within my breast. I oft than not think myself a giant that stands Shoulder tall and cannot fall. I think myself an Expert in this new and living way, Suicidally Undue familiarity with religion is creeping into My life unnoticed. Fleshly assurance Is welling Up in my heart.
No more tear on the altar, no More self-judgment. Yea, my critical frown on Myself seems to be giving Way for that of the One on other around me. Lord, I am too Confident! Over-assured and falsely-insured. This May be my undoing! This assurance and confidence that removes Me from the place of prayer and carries me far From my personal altar does not come from You.
Who has done this? An enemy. Heretofore, no Word was uttered from the pulpit until a prayer Was made therefor; counsels and exhortations Were not given without first looking up; bread Of life was not broken to humanity until I looked Upon heaven. But now, I look around and Inward, drawing on natural strength, sipping on The old, worm-bred manner of yesterday. No wonder, my pew knows no change hitherto. Ah My altar! My altar! when shall I come to you?
‘Thou that madest me what I am: by Thee I'm What I am!' How I long to embrace you again. Sweet hour of prayer, sorry am I that I have Replaced you with "sweet" hour of vein Conversation, empty religious talk that ministers Questions; moments of showmanship - Ist Tim. 1:4. "Ashes, Ashes and creeping reptiles: lizard and Cob webs are my companion!" I can hear my Altar crying. "Please return thou prodigal son: Whatever you have is not inexhaustible." "Listen, listen, hark! Whosoever thinks he Stands let him take heed, lest he falls!"
Lord my End, then, is come if you do not remove this Confidence from my bosom. I hate to be self-Sufficient, self-assured to the extent of no more Need of and for God and others. Lord, I heard you this morning announcing To me that I should take heed, lest I fall. Deliver Me from this empty confidence which is based On this frail body, wisdom and knowledge. Cripple me and rob me of all strength. So that I Might helplessly say, "The lord is my confidence!" I repent! AMEN!!!
-OJOJE DANIEL ADEYI
(JULY 2004)