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Merry Go Round

D
drifter May 12, 2015

I am asking for help with a problem, but I ask any who will respond to pray AND get an answer from God, or please do not post anything. Please respect my wishes; I don't want opinions.

I sincerely want to follow Christ, but it seems every time I really make up my mind to follow Him in simple faith, someone (I really don't know if it's God or the devil) says "you can't, you're not saved; you have to do a whole bunch of things to repent, then you can be saved" (like Finney says). Then when I try to do all these things (some of them are just crazy) I hear another voice say "you're being legalistic, just have faith, then you can do all these things". So I try to just have simple faith in Jesus, and the voice says again "nope, you've gotta jump through the hoops, repent!" So I try to do all these things, then the voice says "Just have faith!" etc. I wonder if God has just given me over to a reprobate mind sometimes, or if I still have a chance, why He doesn't intervene in some way to rescue me from this torture. It also seems to me a lot of preachers have widely varying opinions on this subject: Finney stresses keeping a strict account of all your sins and confessing as many as you can remember (that would take me the rest of my life!); whereas someone like Hudson Taylor says the opposite, just look to Jesus and what He has done, and hatred of sin and repentance will be a by-product of faith.
What is the answer?
Help me Jesus.
Please.

T
TMK May 12, 2015

Assuredly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.” (”­Mark”¬ ”­10”¬:”­15”¬ NKJV)

sermonindex May 12, 2015

Brother Nigel,

Set your mind and heart on Jesus Christ, you can never save yourself it is only the Lord who can save you, choose to put your full trust in him:

3 At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. 4 But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. - Titus 3:3-7


I wrote this on Easter this year:

All who see me mock me; they hurl insults, shaking their heads. Dogs surround me, a pack of villains encircles me; they pierce my hands and my feet. - Psalm 22:7,16

Oh the horror of horrors. The imaginable thing has happened. Mankind has crucified the very author of Life. Hope itself. Love itself. God Himself. There he hangs on the cross, with nails pierced through his flesh. Jesus the Son of God. What a pitiful sight to see omnipotent, without strength, groaning in pain. As you stand there below the cross he lifts his eyes and looks at you. You see the pain in his eyes, the sadness, the grief but you sense it goes beyond the physical hurt. Jesus is there dying for the sins of the world. Being an advocate for all mankind. His eyes brim with tears and as he looks at you, you know he knows you, in your heart, everything about you but still love you. Your tears start to come and you turn away in disgust as you realize he is there for you, you put him there on that tree. Oh depths of love, mercy without end, Jesus the Lord died for me!

An ancient chant in the early church says: "Today He who hung the earth upon the waters is hung upon the Cross. He who is King of the angels is arrayed in a crown of thorns. He who wraps the Heavens in clouds is wrapped in the purple of mockery. He who in Jordan set Adam free receives blows upon His face. The Bridegroom of the Church is transfixed with nails. The Son of the Virgin is pierced with a spear." Scripture is fulfilled, his blood was shed, the payment is made. See his great love again for you today child of God. He paid the price so that you would never have to be punished before an holy God. The very Son of God died for your sins, every wrong thought, action, deed. Imagine a room full of candles and as each one goes out see the last one shining dimly in the room, the Son of God there dying for this dark wicked world. Then his light goes out. He has died for you and me. Bear in yourself these thoughts today, reflect on this awesome sacrifice of God Himself. Feel the pain and the wounds of Him who did such a thing for you and me.

D
dolfan May 12, 2015

The answer is from God, as you asked.

What is faith? It is that which pleases God. He is. And He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Heb. 11:6

There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who walk after the Spirit and not after the flesh. The righteous requirements of the law are satisfied if you walk after the Spirit and not after the flesh. Romans 8:1, 4

God is not the author of confusion. 1Cor. 14:33

He does not give you a fearful spirit, but one of power, love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7.

God will not give his child a stone who asks for bread, nor will He withhold the Spirit or any good thing from His child who asks Him. Psalm 84:11, Romans 8:32, Matthew 7:7-11, Luke 11:11.

Faith is the gift of God by grace, not by effort. Ephesians 2:8,9

God wills that all should repent and know the truth. He wants you to arrive at that knowledge and He will not hold it back from you. 1 Timothy 2:4, 2 Timothy 2:25, 2 Peter 3:9, Acts 17:30, James 1:5.

God blinds unbelievers from the glory of Christ. 2 Cor. 4:4. Believers are not blinded this way and see Him. John 1:14. We have fellowship with that glory. 1 John 1:1-4. We are promised to be conformed into His likeness and to see Him at His appearing as He is. Romans 12:1-32, Romans 8:29, 1 John 3:2.

Also, may I recommend Carter Conlon's word from the Lord from this past Sunday, 5/10/15, "Are Your Feet Where They Should Be? ".

My words are not a help.. His word is. I will leave this right there.

D
drifter May 13, 2015

From what I have read, Charles Finney, John Wesley, Keith Green, Leonard Ravenhill, David Wilkerson etc. all teach you must categorically confess all sin in your life. I constantly try to do that, but I have a problem with discerning God's voice from the devil's (or my own).
I would ask anyone who feels led to please pray for me, because I battle with crushing depression and suicidal thoughts constantly. I have no one to talk to. No friends. No fellowship.

followthelamb May 13, 2015

"Satan's target is to get our hearts and to get our conscience and trouble us and attack us. He attacks us to God, but He moves in on us. He moves in to knock us off. He attacks our Christianity. "So you're a Christian, huh? Oh, you're a Christian? What if everybody knew the kind of life that you lived and the thoughts of your life and what you said or did not do? What if all the Christians...?" He will attack you to make you absolutely shut up. He will make you feel guilty when there are no grounds for feeling guilty. He will make you feel guilty about everything under the sun, and his purpose is to make us shut our mouths. There are Christians today who will not open their mouths because of an assault of Satan upon their life. Everything that they did, Satan accuses them.

"You did not pray right. You did not read your Bible right. You did not witness right. You were not bold enough. You were not strong enough. You did not sing that right. You sang that for your own honor and glory. You did that for show. You did this or that." Everything in the world that you do, he accuses you. After a while, he absolutely shuts your mouth. He will get on you. People will have assurance of salvation and set out to knock on doors and begin to deal with people and try to win them to Christ, and they will have doubts about their salvation when they did not have any doubts before.

What is the matter? "Oh, you're a Christian, and you are out here trying to get people saved and knocking on doors. How about yourself? You are not even saved yourself." A person will begin to doubt their own salvation. They do not understand the adversary. What happens? They will quit their visitation. The Devil has knocked many a person out of singing for the Lord, witnessing for the Lord, doing anything for the Lord because of the fact the accuser has shut their mouths by his accusations. Does that sound familiar? Before a person sins, he says, "You can get away with it. Sure you can get away with it." And, after you sin, you will never get away with it. You will never fly high again. You will never sing again. You will never be used again. The accuser entices us, and the very moment they do it, the matter of despair. "You have really blown it now. You will never, never, never, again get away with this." He hits our heart and our conscience. He really works us over. That is his task, his job. He is after you.

... If guilt and shame is a good thing, if it makes us turn to God when the Spirit of God convicts us, it tenders us. It draws us to God. But, there is satanic conviction. I am positive as I am standing here, many of God's people have confessed things under satanic conviction instead of God's conviction. Satanic conviction leads to despair. It leads to guilt. It turns you inward. You can confess your sins and confess your sins, and it gets darker and darker. You despair. It becomes hopelessness. It leads unbelief and rebellion against God because you do not find any relief in that sort of confession. That is satanic conviction. The Holy Spirit conviction brings relief and points to the remedy. The satanic conviction does not point to the remedy. It points to the action that you did or did not do and leaves you there. If it leaves us with our sin and there is no remedy and no pointing out and no sweet reminder, that is satanic conviction. It will drive you to despair. Unless it has been handled, it has driven some people to suicide to get away from the thoughts of the accuser. He is a cunning foe. He is the accuser of the brethren.

....to bring guilt, remorse, and regret and to keep us accusing ourselves and focusing ourselves on our sin. If you get down and confess your sins apart from a recognition and acknowledgment that Jesus Christ died to forgive those sins, you will be darker in despair. It will get darker and darker and darker. Why? Because of the fact that you are not dealing with it in the light of Calvary. You have to deal with it in the light of Calvary. His blood is the answer to that. As long as we are feeling guilty, then Satan is doing a good job of indicting us. It drives us from the Lord because there is no relief from this. There is no relief. You confess and no relief. When there is no relief, it brings rebellion and unbelief against the God of all grace. That is Satanic. It will make you do what? It will make you curse God and die. That is his philosophy. Here is the matter of Satan's purpose.

...1 John 2. Guilt is not a funny thing. Guilt is a good thing to tell us that we have done something wrong. The blood is the answer to that. 1 John 2: My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. (Fight it. Do not do it.) And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous: And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world." The blood on the mercy seat in the Old Testament gave a year's covering of blood, for the day of atonement came once a year. This is an eternal covering. 'For by one offering he hath perfected for ever them that are sanctified.' He has made that final sacrifice for sins. He put away sin by the sacrifice of Himself. With that blood, our defense is the fact that Jesus Christ has answered all that a holy God had against us. He is our High Priest. As He stands there as our Advocate, He has pierced hands as evidence that He paid it. He has pierced feet as evidence that He paid it. Here is His head that was crowned with thorns. Now, he stands as the propitiation...And if any man sin, we have an advocate...An advocate presupposes an accuser. He has already accused us, but he accuses us before God. He accuses us to ourselves. God will not defend our sins. He dealt with that, but He will surely defend His children at the mercy seat." - J.B. Buffington

"All those the Father gives Me will come to Me, and whoever comes to Me I will never drive away." John 6:37

"Do not be afraid; only believe." - The Lord Jesus


sermonindex May 13, 2015

Read the diary of David Brainard.
I wonder if my personal testimony will help. I was not sure if i was accepted by God or not, one day i just told God, "i'm your child whether u like it or not". From that day i kept ignoring all doubt, and it's about 15years now, i have no single doubt of my salvation any more

D
dolfan May 13, 2015

Drifter wrote

From what I have read, Charles Finney, John Wesley, Keith Green, Leonard Ravenhill, David Wilkerson etc. all teach you must categorically confess all sin in your life. I constantly try to do that, but I have a problem with discerning God's voice from the devil's (or my own).
I would ask anyone who feels led to please pray for me, because I battle with crushing depression and suicidal thoughts constantly. I have no one to talk to. No friends. No fellowship.


Brother,

You wanted to hear from the Lord. Listen to Him. I nor anyone else here is able to truly discern your life. We cannot know for sure where you are with Jesus. But we speak what we know: His Word.

Either you are in Him but need to learn from Him a life in the Spirit (because what you describe is a struggle of works done in your own strength vs a satanic condemnation, neither of which will bring you to victory) or ---- and I seriously doubt this in you but cannot dismiss the possibility ---- you have a false conversion and you are frustrated because the life you see being lived in Him can not be your life as you are.

Confession and owning my sin and bringing it to Jesus for correction and forgiveness is a habitual mind in the Spirit. We are not doing this as matter of works or a checklist of eligibility standards. We are doing so as the Spirit in us increases and our awareness of our sin increases with that, along with our own repulsion of ourselves and that within us that is not conformed to Christ. We are compelled by the love of God that is spread through our hearts by the Holy Spirit and by an increasing want of Him and of the character of our Lord.

We are not in repentance to keep the slate clean. We are in hope that purifies us; this hope is born of God and brings our shortfalls to light of conscience so that we may know them and turn from them, thus increasing our hope.

We are not burdened with guilt although we are guilty. We are gifted with hope and grace that we might repent and continue to be formed into the image and likeness of Jesus.

You are burdened with guilt. You speak of repentance as a chore. And I know that thought. All of us do. Yet, somewhere, you are going to have to lay this down and walk in the truth of His promise to you and trust Him to take over that burden. So I wonder where you are in Him. As I said, I cannot say. Seek Him while He is near.

I would ask other brothers to add to this encouragement with practical help.

sermonindex May 13, 2015

I am no Finney fan but this article gives the ONLY solution to the Merry Go Around experience - FAITH.


LECTURE 2

Faith

by Charles Finney from The Promise Of The Spirit. (Bethany Fellowship)

John 6:28-29: "Then said they unto him, What shall we do, that we might work the works of God? Jesus answered and said unto them, This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent."

The following is the train of thought I shall pursue:

I. Notice several erroneous answers commonly given to the question proposed in the text, namely, what shall we do that we may work the works of God?

II. Show that Christ gave the only proper answer, under the circumstances in which the question was asked.

III. Show that under other circumstances another answer might with propriety be given.

I. I am to notice several erroneous answers commonly given to the question proposed in the text.

1. Should the question be proposed to a Jew, "What shall I do that I may work the works of God," he would answer, keep the law, both moral and ceremonial, that is, keep the commandments.

2. To the same inquiry an Arminian (Finney here uses the word "Arminian" in the sense usual among nineteenth-century Christians of Calvinist background, as a synonym for "Pelagian," that is, one who affirms salvation by good works. Methodists, understandably, deplored this usage.) would answer, improve common grace and you will obtain converting grace, that is, use the means of grace according to the best light you have, and you will obtain the grace of salvation. In this answer, it is not supposed that the inquirer already has faith and is using the means of grace in faith, but that he is in a state of impenitency and is inquiring after converting grace. The answer, therefore, amounts to this: you must get converting grace by your impenitent works; you must become holy by your hypocrisy; you must work out sanctification by sin.

3. To this question most professed Calvinists would make, in substance, the same reply. They would reject the language while they retained the idea. Their direction would imply either that the inquirer already has faith or that he must perform works to obtain it, that is, to obtain grace by works.

Neither an Arminian nor a Calvinist would formally direct the inquirer to the law as the ground of justification. But nearly the whole church would give directions that would amount to the same thing. Their answer would be a legal and not a gospel answer. For whatever answer is given to this question that does not distinctly recognize faith as the foundation of all virtue in sinners is legal. Unless the inquirer is made to understand that this is the first grand fundamental duty, without the performance of which all virtue, all giving up of sin, all acceptable obedience is impossible, he is misdirected. He is led to believe that it is possible to please God without faith and to obtain grace by works of law. There are but two kinds of works, works of law and works of faith. Now if the inquirer has not the "faith that works by love," to set him upon any course of works to get it is certainly to direct him to get faith by works of law. Whatever is said to him that does not clearly convey the truth that both justification and sanctification are by faith, without works of law, is law and not gospel. Nothing before or without faith can possibly be done by the unbeliever but works of law. His first duty, therefore, is faith; and every attempt to obtain faith by unbelieving works is to lay works at the foundation and make grace a result, It is the direct opposite of gospel truth.

Take facts as they arise in every day’s history to show that what I have stated is the experience of almost all, professors and nonprofessors. Whenever a sinner begins in good earnest to agitate the question, "what shall I do to be saved," he resolves as a first duty to break off from his sins, that is, in unbelief. Of course his reformation is only outward; he determines to do better, to reform in this, that and the other thing, and thus prepare himself to be converted. He does not expect to be saved without grace and faith but he attempts to get grace by works of law.

The same is true of multitudes of anxious Christians who are inquiring what they shall do to overcome the world, the flesh and the devil. They overlook the fact that "this is the victory that overcometh the world, even your faith," that it is with "the shield of faith" that they are "to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked." They ask, why am I overcome by sin? Why can I not get above its power? Why am I thus the slave of my appetites and passions and the sport of the devil? They cast about for the cause of all this spiritual wretchedness and death. At one time they think they have discovered it in the neglect of one duty, and at another time in the neglect of another. Sometimes they imagine they have found the cause to lie in yielding to one sin and sometimes in yielding to another. They put forth efforts in this direction and in that direction and patch up their righteousness on one side while they make a rent in the other. Thus they spend years in running around in a circle and making dams of sand across the current of their own corruptions. Instead of at once purifying their hearts by faith, they are engaged in trying to arrest the overflowing of its bitter waters. Why do I sin, they inquire; and casting about for the cause they come to the sage conclusion, it is because I neglect such a duty, that is, because I do sin. But how shall I get rid of sin? Answer: by doing my duty, that is, by ceasing from sin. Now the real inquiry is, why do they neglect their duty? Why do they commit sin at all? Where is the foundation of all this mischief? Will it be replied, the foundation of all this wickedness is in the corruption of our nature, in the wickedness of the heart, in the strength of our evil propensities and habits? But all this only brings us back to the real inquiry again: how are this corrupt nature, this wickedness and these sinful habits to be overcome? I answer, by faith alone. No works of law have the least tendency to overcome our sins but rather confirm the soul in self-righteousness and unbelief.

The great and fundamental sin which is at the foundation of all other sin is unbelief. The first thing is to give up that””to believe the Word of God. There is no breaking off from one sin without this. "Whatever is not of faith is sin." "Without faith it is impossible to please God." Thus we see that the backslider and convicted Christian, when agonizing to overcome sin, will almost always betake themselves to works of law to obtain faith. They will fast and pray and read and struggle and outwardly reform, and thus endeavor to obtain grace. Now all this is in vain and wrong. Do you ask, shall we not fast and pray and read and struggle? Shall we do nothing but sit down in Antinomian security and inaction? I answer, you must do all that God commands you to do; but begin where He tells you to begin and do it in the manner in which He commands you to do it, that is, in the exercise of that faith that works by love. Purify your hearts by faith. Believe in the Son of God. And say not in your heart, "Who shall ascend into heaven?" (that is, to bring Christ down from above); or "Who shall descend into the deep?" (that is, to bring up Christ again from the dead), "But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach."

Now these facts show that even under the gospel almost all professors of religion, while they reject the Jewish notion of justification by works of the law, have after all adopted a ruinous substitute for it and suppose that in some way they are to obtain grace by their works.

II. I am to show that Christ gave the only proper answer, under the circumstances in which the question was asked.

In order to understand the propriety of the answer, we must understand the meaning of the question. The context shows that the question was asked by certain unbelieving Jews, who inquired what they could do to work the works of God””in other words, to obtain the favor of God. Christ understood them as inquiring what works would be acceptable without faith. He therefore answers, "This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent." As if He had said, nothing is a work of God which you would recognize as such. Faith is the first great work of God, without which it is impossible to please Him. To a Jew, this answer would imply that he believed Him to be the Messiah foretold in the Scriptures. And to all persons the answer implies not only a general confidence in the character of God but a trust in His atonement and saving grace in opposition to all works of law, for justification.

To show that this is the only proper answer to be given to a person in a state of unbelief, I will state

1. What I DO NOT mean by the proposition; and

2. What I DO mean by it.

1. I do not mean that it is the only proper answer because there is no good and acceptable work but faith.

2. Nor do I mean that faith without works is acceptable to God.

3. Nor do I mean that faith makes void the law and sets aside the obligation and necessity of good works. The Apostle, in James 2:17-26, sets the necessity of works, as the result of faith, in a strong light:

Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone. Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew you my faith by my works. Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble. But wilt thou know, 0 vain man, that faith without works is dead? Was not Abraham our father justified by works, when he had offered Isaac his son upon the altar? Seest thou how faith wrought with his works, and by works was made perfect? And the scripture was fulfliled which saith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto him for righteousness; and he was called the Friend of God. Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only. Likewise also was not Rahab the harlot justified by works, when she had received the messengers and had sent them out another way? For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.

4. Nor do I mean that there are no other directions that may be given to an inquiring sinner or Christian that, if followed, would not in the end amount to the same thing as the direction in the text. In number eighteen of my "Revival Lectures" I said, "You may give the sinner any direction or tell him to do anything that includes a right heart." To repent, to submit, to give the heart to God and all the directions there specified imply faith. Were I to preach that sermon again, I should give a greater prominence to faith and show that the exercise of faith is the first thing to be done, and that upon the exercise of this, repentance, submission, love and every other grace depend.

5. But by the above proposition I do mean that no works are good works or are in any sense acceptable to God, only as they proceed from faith. Let it be forever remembered that "without faith it is impossible to. please God," and "whatsoever is not of faith is sin.

6. It is the proper answer because both justification and sanctification are by faith alone. Rom. 3:30: "Seeing it is one God, which shall justify the circumcision by faith, and the uncircumcision through faith"; and 5:1: "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ." Also, 9:30, 31: "What shall we say then? That the Gentiles, which followed not after righteousness, have attained to righteousness, even the righteousness which is of faith. But Israel, which followed after the law of righteousness, hath not attained to the law of righteousness. Wherefore? Because they sought it not by faith, but as it were by the works of the law."

But perhaps you will not clearly see the truth of this unless I make a remark or two upon the nature of faith.

The first element of saving faith is a realizing sense of the truth of the Bible. But this is not alone saving faith, for Satan has this realizing sense of truth which makes him tremble.

But a second element in saving faith is the consent of the heart or will to the truth perceived by the intellect. It is a cordial trust or resting of the mind in those truths and a yielding up of the whole being to their influence. Now it is easy to see that without the consent of the will, there can be nothing but an outward obedience to God. A wife without confidence in her husband can do nothing more than perform outwardly her duty to him. It is a contradiction to say that without confidence, she can perform her duty from the heart. The same is true of parental and all other governments. Works of law may be performed without faith; that is, we may serve from fear or hope or some selfish consideration, but without the confidence that works by love, obedience from the heart is naturally impossible. Nay, the very terms, obedience from the heart without love, are a contradiction.

7. By the above I mean that to seek the grace of faith by works of law is an utter abomination. It is as abominable as to attempt to purchase the Holy Ghost with money. It is to set aside the testimony of God with respect to our utter depravity and attempt to palm off our unbelieving, heartless works upon an infinitely holy God. It is an attempt to purchase His favor, instead of accepting grace as a sovereign gift.

8. It is as preposterous as it is wicked. It is seeking to please God by our sins to purchase the grace of faith by making God a liar.

9. To give any other answer to one in unbelief, and to set him to perform any work with the expectation that by it he shall obtain faith, is to confirm him in self-righteousness, to prolong his rebellion, to lead him either to settle down in a self-righteous hope or to produce, in the end, discouragement and blasphemy.

10. Because that repentance, faith, love and every other holy exercise both imply and proceed from faith. Without confidence in the character and requirements of God it is impossible to repent. For what is repentance but heartily to justify God and condemn ourselves. So it is equally impossible to exercise a complacent love to God without faith. Submission to God also implies and presupposes the exercise of confidence in God and in His requirements.

11. This is a proper answer, because all right affection and all good works will necessarily proceed from faith. Christ was not afraid of begetting an Antinomian spirit by laying so much stress upon faith. He knew full well that true faith as naturally and necessarily begets every other inward grace and all outward good works as a cause produces its effects.

12. It is the only proper answer because faith is the only exercise that receives Christ with all His powerfully sanctifying influences into the heart. The Bible everywhere represents the sanctified soul as being under the influence of an indwelling Christ. Now the exercise of faith is that opening of the door by which Christ is received to reign in the heart. Who will pretend that any works are properly good or that any true faith exists in the mind except as the result of the operation or influence of Christ in the mind. Now if this is so, the proper direction plainly is to do that which receives Christ. If this is done, all else will be done. If this is neglected, all else will be neglected, of course.

Ill. I am to show that under other circumstances another answer might with propriety have been given.

or 1. The careless, unawakened sinner who knows nothing of his depravity helplessness, it might be important and proper to direct to the law of God as the rule of his duty not with the expectation of directly promoting holiness thereby but of convicting him of sin. Thus we find Christ requiring the young man who was wrapped up in self-righteousness "to keep the commandments," and taking such a course as to bring out before his mind his supreme love of the world. This produced regret and discouragement in him; and when required to "part with all that he had" and follow Christ, he "went away sorrowful."

2. To the anxious sinner who makes this inquiry, Christ, as I have shown, gave the only appropriate answer. Also to the Christian, inquiring after sanctification, this is the only appropriate answer. In short, to anyone who is convinced of his real character this is the proper, and the only proper, answer.

3. But to one already full of faith and love and of the Holy Spirit, another answer may be given, simply because by the inquiry he means a different thing. When he asks, "What shall I do to work the works of God," his heart breaks forth with the inquiry, "what shall I do to honor and glorify God," not "what shall I do to be saved." Let such an one be directed to the whole preceptive part of the Bible. Do this and avoid that is just the instruction which he needs and upon which he will eagerly seize, to glorify God with all his heart. Such a mind needs instruction, not command and threatening. To him the preceptive part of the Bible is just what his circumstances and state of feeling demand. The commands of the Bible will not beget in him a legal spirit, and thus prove a stumbling block to his soul. He will not set himself self-righteously to perform the duties enjoined; but his heart goes forth to meet his responsibilities and perform the requirements of God.

REMARKS

1. You see from this subject how to understand Rom. 9:20-32, which I have before quoted, "What shall we say, then," &c. The Jews sought by their own doings to please God without faith; but all their righteousness was as filthy rags. While the Gentiles, who had lived in open rebellion, when they heard the gospel believed it at once, instead of betaking themselves to works of law; and thus exercising faith that works by love, they attained to the righteousness which is of God, by faith.

2. You see why the church is not sanctified. They overlook the office and necessity of faith as that which alone can produce acceptable obedience to God. They are engaged in efforts to obtain faith by works, instead of first exercising that faith which will beget within them a clean heart. In this way they seek in vain for sanctification. How common is it to see persons full of bustle and outward efforts and works””fasting and praying, giving and doing and struggling; and after all, they have not the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance, against which there is no law. They have not, after all, crucified the flesh with its affections and lusts. They do not live in the Spirit and walk in the Spirit. They do not, in their own experience, realize the truth of that saying, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee." Without that trust they cannot have peace, cannot be sanctified.

Others endeavor to force themselves to exercise the various Christian graces of love, submission, &c., without faith, overlooking the fact that it is faith that works by love, and that repentance and submission imply faith and are the results of faith. They are the surrendering of our wills to the will of God. But this certainly cannot be, without confidence in the character of God. In short, every Christian grace implies the exercise of faith as its foundation.

3. You see why the Bible lays so much stress upon faith.

4. You see what is the difficulty with those who are constantly in a complaining state on the subject of religion. They seem to know they are wrong, but do not understand wherein the foundation of their wrong consists. They sometimes think that a neglect of this duty is the grand difficulty, and sometimes something else is that upon which their minds fasten as the prime difficulty in the case. They set themselves to break off from one sin and another, and practice this self-denial and that duty, and all without that faith that fills the heart with love. Thus they go round and round in a circle and do not see that unbelief is their great, their damning sin, without the removal of which no other sin can be repented of or forgiven. All their efforts are entirely legal, hypocritical and vain till they exercise faith.

5. You see the mistake of Antinomian perfectionists in setting aside all preceptive religion and understanding obedience to the commands of God am legality. They do not make the discrimination here made. If persons without faith, in an unsanctified state, set themselves to obey the commandments of God, their efforts must necessarily be legal, self-righteous and ruinous. To them the precepts of the gospel, as well as the commandments of the law, are a horrible pit of miry clay. You cast a man into a horrible pit of miry clay, and the more he struggles the deeper he sinks. Now to a man without faith, the precepts of the law and gospel are fitly compared to miry clay. Every effort at obedience without faith is sin and, as it confirms self-righteousness, is sinking him farther and farther from God and rational hope. And the more vehemently he struggles, the more desperate and alarming his case becomes. The clay surrounds him and cleaves to him, suffocates and kills him. Just so the commands of God to an unbelieving heart are a snare and a pit. They are miry and suffocating clay. Without faith there is ruin and damnation in them.

6. You see how to the Jews and to all unbelievers, the commandments of God are a stumbling block. All outward conformity to them is useless, yea, ruinous. Love without faith is impossible. And consequently the merciful direction and instructions contained in the preceptive parts of the gospel are made the food of self-righteousness and the snare of death. But to those whose souls are full of faith and love, the commandments of God are Just the instruction which they need when, in their ignorance, they earnestly inquire what they shall do to glorify God. Do this and avoid that, and the like, are just the things upon which hearts of love will seize, as the needed directions of their heavenly Father.

7. But someone may inquire, do not men learn to exercise faith by what you call legal efforts and in obedience to legal directions? No. They only learn by experience that all such directions are vain and that they are totally depraved and dependent, which they ought to have believed before. They set themselves to pray and read and struggle, expecting at every meeting they attend, every prayer they make, to obtain grace and faith. But they never do until they are completely discouraged and despair of obtaining help in this way. And the history of every self-righteous sinner’s conversion and every anxious Christian’s sanctification would develop this truth: that deliverance cometh not until their self-righteous efforts were proved by their own experience to be utterly vain, and abandoned as useless, and the whole subject thrown upon the sovereign mercy of God. This submitting a subject to the sovereign mercy of God is that very act of faith which they should have put forth long before, but which they would not exercise until every other means had been tried in vain.

8. But perhaps you will say, if by this self-righteous struggle they learn their depravity and dependence and in this manner come to prove by their own experience the truth of God, why not encourage them to make these efforts as, at least, an indirect way of obtaining faith? Answer: blasphemy and drunkenness and any of the most shocking sins may be and often have been the means of working conviction which has resulted in conversion. Why not encourage these things, as such is sometimes their indirect effect? The truth is, when a sinner’s attention is awakened and he is convicted and puts forth the inquiry "what shall I do"; and when a Christian, struggling with his remaining corruption, puts forth the same inquiry, why should they be thrown into the horrible pit of which I have spoken? Why not tell them at once, in the language of the text, "This is the work of God, that ye believe on him whom he hath sent"?

9. Let me say to you who would make the inquiry in the text, don’t wait to fast, read, pray or anything else; don’t expect to break off from any sin in your unbelief. You may break off from the outward commission””you may substitute praying for swearing, reading your Bible for reading novels, outward industry and honesty for theft and idleness, sobriety for drunkenness, and anything you please””and it is, after all, only exchanging one form of sin for another. It is only varying the mode of your warfare. But remember that in unbelief whatever your conduct is, you are in highhanded rebellion against God. Faith would instantly sanctify your heart, sanctify all your doings, and render them, in Christ Jesus, acceptable to God. Unbelief is your great, your crying, your damning sin, against which the heaviest thunderbolts of Jehovah are hurled.

10. Don’t wait for any particular view of Christ before you believe. When persons in the state of mind of which I have been speaking hear those who live in faith describe their views of Christ, they say, "Oh, if I had such views I could believe; I must have these before I can believe." Now you should understand that these views are the result and effect of faith. These views of which you speak are that which faith discovers in those passages of scripture which describe Christ. Faith apprehends the meaning of those passages and sees in them these very things which you expect to see before you exercise faith, and which you imagine would produce it. Take hold, then, on the simple promise of God. Take God at His word. Believe that He means just what He says. And this will at once bring you into the state of mind after which you inquire.

11. Let what has been said be an answer to that sister in New York who Inquired, by letter, what she should do to obtain the blessing of sanctification. My dear child, you inquire whether you shall obtain by reading the Bible, or by prayer, fasting or by all these together. Now let this sermon answer you and know that by neither nor by all these, in the absence of faith, are you to grow any better or find any relief. You speak of being in darkness and of being discouraged. No wonder you are so, since you have plainly been seeking sanctification by works of law. You have "stumbled at this stumbling stone." You are in the horrible pit and miry clay of which I have just spoken. Immediately exercise faith upon the Son of God. It is the first, the only thing you can do to rest your feet upon the rock; and it will Immediately put a new song into your mouth.

sermonindex May 13, 2015

You may have read this before about Hudson Taylor but read it again.

Hudson Taylor Sees The Light.

Hudson Taylor had 18 very successful preaching tours in the vicinity of Shanghai China starting in 1855. During his early days of his Christian experience he had many failures, disappointment and struggles.

This is his famous letter that he wrote to his sister, Amelia on October, 1869 telling her about his eyes being opened to the truth of Christ that changed him forever.

You may have read this before but please examine this letter carefully to see the secrets of what he saw. Pray that your eyes will be opened to see what Hudson Taylor saw.

My own dear sister - So many thanks for your long dear letter . . . I do not think you have written me such a letter since we have been in China. I know it is with you as with me - you cannot, not you will not. Mind and body will not bear more than a certain amount of strain, or do more than a certain amount of work.

As to work, mine was never so plentiful, so responsible, or so difficult; but the weight and strain are all gone. The last month or more has been, perhaps, the happiest of my life; and I long to tell you a little of what the Lord has done for my soul.

I do not know how far I may be able to make myself intelligible about it, for there is nothing new or strange or wonderful - and yet, all is new! In a word: "Whereas I was blind, now I see."
----
He is now telling his sister of how happy he has been since he found this secret. He did make it clear that what he found was nothing new or strange, or wonderful but he experienced newness because he had been living in the dark concerning this existing truth. This is very important to know. He was blind to this truth. He did not make the truth exist or do anything to make the truth real. Once he saw this truth it was easy for him to experience it and enjoy it.
----
Perhaps I shall make myself more clear if I go back a little. Well, Dearie, my mind has been greatly exercised for the past six or eight months, feeling the need personally, and for our Mission, of more holiness, life and power in our souls. But personal need stood first and was the greatest. I felt the ingratitude, the danger, the sin of not living nearer to God. I prayed, agonized, fasted, strove, made resolutions, read the Word more diligently, sought more time for retirement and meditation - but all was without avail. Every day, almost every hour, the consciousness of sin oppressed me.
---
Here we see that Hudson's own experience with Christ fell short the Holiness, power that was demand and promised by God. He confessed ingratitude and the sin of not being closer to God. He prayed, agonized, fasted, strove, made resolutions, read the Word more diligently, sought more time for retirement and meditation but he found that all this did not help at all. Every day, almost every hour, the consciousness of his sin oppressed him.
----
I knew that if I could only abide in Christ all would be well, but I could not. I would begin the day with prayer, determined not to take my eye from Him for a moment, but pressure of duties, sometimes very trying, constant interruptions, often very wearing, would cause me to forget Him. Then one's nerves get so fretted in this climate that temptations to irritability, hard thoughts and sometimes unkind words are all the more difficult to control. Each day brought its register of sin, failure, and lack of power. To will was indeed present with me, but how to perform, I found not.
---
He knew that abiding in Christ would solve this dilemma but he could not abide. He had determined not to take his eyes from Christ for a moment, but he failed miserably. He found he could not control his own very thoughts. He wanted desperately to experience holiness but found no acceptable outward performance.
---
Then came the question, "Is there no rescue? Must it be like this till the end - constant conflict and, instead of victory, too often defeat?" How, too, could I preach with sincerity that to those who receive Jesus, "to them gave He power to become the sons of God, " (i.e. God-like) when it was not so in my experience? Instead of growing stronger, I seemed to be getting weaker and to have less power against sin; and no wonder, for faith and even hope were getting very low. I hated myself; I hated my sin; and yet I gained no strength against it.
---
He had the desire to be God-like but he found he had absolutely no power against sin. He hated sin with a passion but even with this haltered for sin he found nothing to ever conqueror it.
---
I felt I was a child of God; His Spirit in my heart would cry, in spite of all, "Abba, Father", but to rise to my privileges as a child, I was utterly powerless. I thought that holiness was to be gradually attained by a diligent use of the means of grace. I felt that there was nothing I so much desired in this world, nothing I so much needed. But the more I pursued and strove after holiness, the more it eluded my grasp, till hope itself almost died out, and I began to think that perhaps to make heaven the sweeter, God would not give it to us in this life.
---
God was stripping from his own independence. He saw he was utterly powerless to grow in grace or to become holy by using the means of grace.
---
I do not think I was striving to attain it in my own strength. I knew I was powerless. I told the Lord so, and asked Him to give me help and strength and sometimes I almost believed He would keep and uphold me. But on looking back in the evening, there was sin and failure to confess and mourn before God.
---
When he prayed to God for help and strength he still had to confess total failure and despair.
---
I would not give you the impression that this was the daily experience of all those long, weary months, but it tended to be a too frequent state of soul and I almost ended up in despair. And yet, never did Christ seem more precious a Savior who could and would save such a sinner! And sometimes there were seasons not only of peace but of joy in the Lord. But they were fleeting and at best there was a sad lack of power. Oh, how good the Lord has been in bringing this conflict to an end!
---
He knew that he had no power but the Lord was using all of this to bring this conflict to an end forever.
---
All the time I felt assured that there was in Christ all I needed, but the practical question was how to get it out. He was rich, but I was poor; He was strong, but I was weak. I knew full well that there was in the vine, in the root, the stem, abundant fatness; but how to get it into my puny little branch was the question.

As gradually the light dawned on me, I saw that faith was the only prerequisite to laying hold of His fullness and making it my own. But I had not this faith . . . I strove for it, but it would not come; I tried to exercise it, but in vain. Seeing more and more the wondrous supply of grace laid up in Jesus, the fullness of our precious Savior - my helplessness and guilt seemed to increase. Sins committed appeared but as trifles compared with the sin of unbelief which was their cause, which could not or would not take God at His word, but rather made Him a liar! Unbelief was, I felt, the damning sin of the world - yet I indulged in it. I prayed for faith but it did not come. What was I to do?
----
He saw the victory, the holiness, the power and all the fullness in Christ. He knew that the solution was in Christ so he kept on trying to somehow acquire it. He did everything he knew to make it his own but again he only found more failure and disappointment. He saw that it was his sin of unbelief that was the root cause of all his other sins. Then, he found out that he could not even believe. He tried and prayed to believe but no faith came. He was utterly, and completely hopeless.
----
When my agony of soul was at its height, a sentence in a letter from dear McCarthy was used to remove the scales from my eyes, and the Spirit of God revealed the truth of our oneness with Jesus as I had never seen it before. McCarthy, who had been much exercised by the same sense of failure, but saw the light before I did, wrote (I quote from memory): "But how to get faith strengthened? Not by striving after faith, but by resting on the Faithful One."

As I read I saw it all! "If we believe not, He remains faithful." I looked to Jesus and saw (and when I saw, oh, how joy flowed) that He had said, "I will never leave you." "Ah, here is rest!" I thought. "I have striven in vain to rest in Him. I'll strive no more. For has He not promised to abide with me - never to leave me, never to fail me?" And Dearie, He never will!
----
When he read this, his eyes were opened to the truth that had already existed. "But how to get faith strengthened? Not by striving after faith, but by resting on the Faithful One. If we believe not, He remains faithful”. This was the secret of what he saw that he had never realized before. He saw that God in Christ had already given him the faith and the belief that was required. God had placed Him in Christ and that he just rest in God's faithfulness to keep him there.
---
But this was not all He showed me, nor one half. As I thought of the vine and the branches, what light the blessed Spirit poured directly into my soul! How great seemed my mistake in having wished to get the sap, the fullness, out of Him. I saw not only that Jesus would never leave me, but that I was a member of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. The vine now I see is not the root merely, but all - root, stem, branches, twigs, leaves, flowers, fruit; and Jesus is not only that; He is soil and sunshine, air and showers, and ten thousand times more than we have ever dreamed, wished for, or needed. Oh the joy of seeing this truth! I do pray that the eyes of your understanding may be enlightened, that you may know and enjoy the riches freely given us in Christ.

Oh, my dear sister, it is a wonderful thing to be really one with a risen and exalted Savior, to be a member of Christ! Think what it involves. Can Christ be rich and I poor? Can your right hand be rich and the left poor? Or your head be well fed while your body starves? Again, think of this bearing on prayer. Could a bank clerk say to a customer, "It was only your hand that wrote that check, not you," or "I cannot pay this sum to your hand, but only to yourself?" No more can your prayers, or mine, be discredited if offered in the name of Jesus (i.e. not in your own name, or even for the sake of Jesus, but on the ground that we are His, His members) so long as we keep within the extent of Christ's credit - a considerably wide limit!

If we ask anything unscriptural or not in accordance with the will of God, Christ Himself could not do that; but "If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us; and . . . we know that we have the petitions that we desired of Him."

The sweetest part, if one may speak of one part being sweeter than another, is the rest which full identification with Christ brings. I am no longer anxious about anything, as I realize this; for He, I know, is able to carry out His will, and His will is mine. It makes no difference where He places me, or how. That is rather for Him to consider than for me; for in the easiest positions He must give me His grace, and in the most difficult His grace is sufficient.

It matters little to my servant whether I send him to buy a few dollars worth of things or the most expensive articles. In either case he looks to me for the money and brings me his purchases. So if God places me in great perplexity, must He not give me much guidance; or in positions of great difficulty, much grace; or in circumstances of great pressure and trial, much strength? There is no fear that His resources will be unequal to the emergency! And His resources are mine for He is mine, and is with me and dwells in me.

All this springs from the believers oneness with Christ. And since Christ is now living in my heart by faith, how happy I have been! I wish I could tell you instead of writing about it.

I am no better than before (in one sense, I do not wish to be, nor am I striving to be); but I am dead and buried with Christ - yes, and risen too and ascended; and now Christ lives in me, and "the life that I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

I now believe that I am dead to sin. God reckons me so, and tells me to reckon myself so. He knows best. All my past experiences may have shown that it was not so; but I dare not say it is not, when He says it is. I feel and know that old things have passed away. I am as capable of sinning as ever, but Christ is realized as present as never before. He cannot sin; and He can keep me from sinning.

I am sorry to have to confess it, but I cannot say that since I have seen this light I have not sinned; but I do feel there was no need to have done so. And further - walking more in the light, my conscience has been more tender; sin has been instantly seen, confessed, pardoned; and peace and joy (with humility) instantly restored; with one exception, when for several hours peace and joy did not return - from lack, as I had to learn, of full confession, and from some attempt to justify self.

Faith, I now see, is "the substance of things hoped for" and not mere shadow. It is not less than sight, but more. Sight only shows the outward forms of things; faith gives the substance. You can rest on substance; you can feed on substance. Christ dwelling in the heart by faith (i.e. faith in His word of promise) is power indeed, is life indeed. And Christ and sin will not dwell together; nor can we experience His presence with love of the world or carefulness about "many things."

And now I must close. I have not said half I would like to say if I had more time. May God give you the grace to lay hold on these blessed truths. Do not let us continue to say, in effect, "Who shall ascend into heaven? that is, to bring Christ down from above." In other words, do not let us consider Him as far off when God has made us one with Him, members of His very body.

Nor should we look upon this experience, these truths, as only for the few. They are the birthright of every child of God, and no one can dispense with them without dishonor to our Lord. The only power for deliverance from sin or for serving the Lord is Christ.

Your own affectionate brother,

J. HUDSON TAYLOR

Maybe you have struggles and despairs in your own life similar to Hudson's. You may in the dark concerning the truth of what God in Christ has already accomplished for you and in you. The Holy Spirit will open your eyes to see that you can not even believe or trust in your own effort. It is not about you or your effort. It is all about what God has already accomplished for you and in you.

The GOOD NEWS of the Gospel is that God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit made a Covenant together which is an irrevocable commitment which CAN NOT be broken under any circumstance. This Covenant was not made with mankind it was made between God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus Christ before the world was created.

You did not and could not have any part of it. You are just the recipient and participant of this Covenant. You really have no part to keep other than to just enjoy what He has already accomplished for you. There is no other way possible! God has already totally solved the problem with sin and mankind's condition once and for all. Any attempt you make to fix the unfixable is not only sin but is totally impossible. God Himself has forever placed you in Christ before the world was created. He did everything necessary for your total and complete salvation. You do need to understand that God has already accomplished all of this for and in you before the world was created.

There is absolutely nothing left out or lacking but He has done it all. There is nothing left that can ever be done. He has not only done all that ever could be done in you and for you. He has even taken the responsibility of your obedience to Him forever by keeping you in His love.

Now as a result what God has already accomplished for you, your old sinful self was crucified with Christ and that you no longer live. Your old sinful self has died, and you no longer have a life. You have received His all-sufficient Life in exchange for your old corrupt self. Now the Christian life isn't yours to live. God does not depend on you to live His Life for Him. He knows that it impossible for you to live His life, so He gave you His life. You do not live for Him - He lives for you.

When you hear this message of the gospel of what God has already done in you and for you, the Holy Spirit begins to open your eyes to this existing reality.

Romans 1:16, "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek."

This message of the Gospel of the finished work of God in Christ is the only possible message that contains the power of God for total and complete salvation for mankind. No other message contains the power of God to bring about perfect and continual obedience.

As the Holy Spirit shows you THE FINISHED WORK you will experience God's gift of repentance giving you the ability to trust and embrace His obedience causing you to turn away for your unbelief and your own dead works. Now this is the ONLY obedience possible.

You do have His Life. You are In Him and He will never leave you of forsake you. If you are unfaithful God will remain faithful to you. God will keep you by his Love. You can NOT keep yourself.

God remains faithful to you no mater what. When you see this truth and recognize that you are in NOW in perfect union by what God in Christ had already accomplished, you can rest and your joy will flow. This is the secret of true rest. You thought it depended on your ability to be faithful to Him and have striven in vain to rest in Him. Now you see that God has promised to abide with and in you. He will never leave you or will never fail you.

Now you can give up all own efforts, struggles and striving in the attempt to be faithful. It is impossible for you to be faithful. IT IS NOT UP YOU!!! God Himself has placed you in Christ and you do abide in Him.

A
AbideinHim May 13, 2015

Brother, Jesus has paid the full price
for your salvation. Get rooted and
grounded in what Christ has done.
Your feelings and thoughts will change
from day to day. Just the fact that you
are troubled about your salvation is a
good thing. However, know that the enemy
is working through doubt and unbelief,
and tempting you to move and act in
the flesh. Good works will follow your
Faith in Christ. Fruit will be the result of
you abiding in Christ. The branch abiding
in the vine.

D
davidkeel May 13, 2015

This is just an Add-on to whats been said already.
But looking on the human side of things Nigel. If you have been depressed for quite a while you can begin to experience Dissociation. No-one can evade that if they have been badly depressed for quite a while.
Meaning that a person wouldn't just have a disinterest in day to day things but it can cause them to feel a lack of interest and numbness in spiritual things as well.
That in itself can cause panic in the mind if you're not used to that experience. It's being recognized more in our society.

Just a thought...

S
Sree May 14, 2015

I do not understand, I think both the voices are from God.


"I sincerely want to follow Christ, but it seems every time I really make up my mind to follow Him in simple faith, someone says "you can't, you're not saved; you have to do a whole bunch of things to repent, then you can be saved"

Let us take the example of Zaccheus, when Jesus said, "I must stay at your house" to Zaccheus, he immediately heard another voice, "You are unworthy to invite Jesus to your house, you have so much unrighteous wealth stored in your house, set it right first, give half of them to poor first. Then with the next half give 4 times to those whom you cheated."
Zaccheus was not confused, he was not confused to see which voice to obey, whether Jesus who said I must stay in your house or the voice to set things right. He first received the Lord and then said he will set everything right the way the voice inside him told.
Now if Zaccheus had not heeded to that voice, what would have happened? Jesus would have still stayed at his house, but no salvation would have come. But when he made the decision to set things right, Jesus said "today Salvation has come to your house".

As long as we live on this earth, we need to keep cleansing ourself. It is a continuous activity. This is the only way the bride can ready herself.


"you're being legalistic, just have faith, then you can do all these things".

This is also true. When we start trusting on our own efforts for our salvation, we need to keep reminded that it is by our faith we are saved.

If a person truely stars to cleanse himself, he gets a deep sense of sin conviction. He will find more and more sins to be cleansed of. He may at times get discouraged looking at the sinful state of ours. But we should be encouraged at those time proclaiming that, "Christ came to save sinners and I am the foremost of them all". This is faith.


I wonder if God has just given me over to a reprobate mind sometimes, or if I still have a chance, why He doesn't intervene in some way to rescue me from this torture.

Many times before God starts to bless someone, he will break the man. We may confess that we are sinners, but to really have a deep conviction of our sinful condition, we need to be broken. God lets us into battle and be defeated to realize that.

In my life, I received the baptism of Holy Spirit Or God's anointing, when I was broken to reach the rock bottom where I said that I am totally unworthy to come to Church or to be called a Christian. I really wanted to leave, at that moment I had an encounter with Jesus. I felt his grace empowering me.

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