How God delivered me from a critical spirit

Some of you might have noticed that I get a little passionate when I see posts that cast aspersions and criticize men of God based on internet hearsay.

I did not use to be like this and I felt to share my testimony in the hope that others will be encouraged.

I will start by saying that I used to be very critical, very condemning and judgmental against others, particularly men of God whom I disagreed with or who had done something wrong (in my eyes or in the eyes of others on the internet).

What I mean to say is that I was much worse than I am right now. Just keeping it real, I have nothing to hide. I have a long way to go, that is for sure but throughout the course of 2015 God began to speak to me about my critical spirit and the way I maligned and gossiped about men of God who I read about online. I had a facebook page back then and would bring up issues and appear to others as impartial and only doing it so we could all "pray" for these people. I would look down my nose at these bad preachers, these inferior christians with all their imperfections. The sad thing is that I didn’t know any of these people, just what I had read online.

I remember one particular facebook group that I would read about all the time that trashed a very popular charismatic ministry. I used to revel in how deceived this ministry was and how I was the enlightened one and I would join with others in mocking their "inferior" brand of christianity. But as time moved on I started to sense that something wasn't right, that I was crossing a line. My eyes were opening...slowly at first but it was a start.

I began to question my heart and the company that I was keeping. I unfriended a whole lot of "angry street preacher" types on facebook and I left the "discernment ministries" facebook group and really began to listen to the Lord to hear His heart on the matter.

And then one day last summer as I was driving out of town to visit a friends church, the Lord interrupted my windshield time and spoke to my heart very directly. What I sensed He was saying was something like this:

"Mark, this is going to be one of the last times I speak to you about this. You need to stop criticizing and judging other men of God. You have a critical, accusatory spirit, and a bitterness deep inside you that needs to be healed, but it never will as long as you continue to feed this bitter spirit. Repent and stop all of this immediately and then go and repent to those whom you have held a grudge against and/or have spoken against all these years."

I was so overcome with grief at my sin that I knew I had to go to everyone I had wronged and at least try to put things right. I began by gathering my wife and kids and repenting to them. And then I called my own family members and many other men of God back in Australia. Pastors I had worked alongside and even mentored.

But it didn’t stop there. I knew I had to get on a plane and go and visit some pastors and other people that I had wronged and to beg for their forgiveness. So I did. I called and emailed people out of the blue and asked if I could come and see them. Awkward...lol. But they all said to come. I booked my flights and took off on what I now call my "World Repentance Tour”.

I won’t go into all the details of what took place on that trip, but I will say that the Lord was truly faithful and He went before me and I was able to see the hand of God bringing forgiveness and healing in not only my life but with many others as well.

When I got back I tried to adjust to the "new way” of doing things but it became increasingly more and more difficult to completely break away from this critical atmosphere. Not in me so much but in the never ending gossip that many Christian websites and facebook pages ”“ seem to have turned into.

All in the name of "news” mind you! I guess if we call it journalism, we can talk about anything. Allegations, rumors, stories, gossip and on and on it goes. The more well known a person becomes, the more they become a target. I am not saying it is all rumor and I am not denying the validity of the so called news, I am merely saying that it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS. I am not the God of anybody, least of all famous preachers. I must leave them to God, who is big enough to take care of His own.

But there seems to be no end in sight for all this. The internet has become a living, breathing gossip machine. Don’t believe me? Just type, "____________ false teacher” (put your favorite preachers name in the blank). Or type, "________________ scandal” and you will be amazed as to the dirt you can dig up on people.

What a dark and insidious place some areas of the "online body of Christ” is turning into. It breaks my heart to see it all and it saddens me that I was caught up in all of this for so long. And I know it breaks the heart of the Lord Jesus Christ. He is not like this, He is not one to break a bruised reed or throw a bad brother under the bus. He is praying and interceding and hoping beyond hope that they will turn back to God.

Did He not do this with Judas? Did He not hold out in hope until the last minute, against all hope and reasonable expectation for his brother Judas to repent and get right with God? Yes He did. That is our Lord Jesus, full of hope, full of expectation for others to come back to Him, from ruin to revival. He is full of compassion and full of tears for their restoration.

For so long, this same heart and mind that is in Christ...was far from me. But in the last few months, He is making all things new. I am slowly changing...not fast enough I am sure. And perhaps someone reading this can relate. If so I pray that God will use my simple testimony to encourage and strengthen you.

God bless you, your brother...

Hey brother,
I want to say upfront I'm not certain if I do or don't 100% agree with you exactly how far you take everything (hard to make sure we hear each other on the net as to exactly what we mean & don't mean on written communication), but overall I feel you & agree.

I see & respect the danger & hurt of gossip & unrighteousness judgement today more than ever. I have done it & been myself a painful victim of it. I am asking myself much lately, "when does it go too far?" There is discernment, righteous (& Biblical judging of a matter, which may include another), etc. and even a time to stand against, rebuke, reprove, etc. but very often if we get in a habit of doing that unchecked & unsanctified, there's a time where we are "taking it too far" & may not even realize it & be justifying it (judging another man's servant, being critical, gossiping, slandering, etc.).

Good food for thought

thank you brother Jeff, I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

I agree with you that we must always be discerning and judge righteously. In fact Paul told Timothy to be aware of those who have only the form of godliness and to have NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. Before Timothy could know who to avoid, he would have first "judge" or assess them (in a manner of speaking.)

There is also admonishing and reproving one another in the body of Christ, that is absolutely essential and I am not diminishing this at all.

Neither of these things are what I am speaking about though in my testimony. I am speaking about participating in online gossip about someone that we do not know. Usually well known preachers. When we get caught up in this stuff, which I very much was...we are no different to a busybody and when we pass it on to others we become a gossip.

I hope that clears things up a little?

Sure,
I understood you all along. 😊 Just also adding more clarification because sometimes people here one thing and (wrongly) apply it too broadly to something else.

Example:
We definitely should not be gossiping about other believers on the Internet that we don't really know the particulars of their lives. For that matter, we should not even be gossiping and be extremely careful that we are not crossing that line with believers we are close to and in close proximity with, making comments thinking we are doing some kind of good, but really just using it as a place to vent our thoughts about someone that we should be speaking to them directly if we feel so led.

But some people may misunderstand this and take it too far the other direction and think that we can't speak publicly out against false teachers, which is certainly not true either. False teachers who teach publicly can be rebuked or come against publicly for the sake of the flock, and this much is clear throughout the whole of the new testament. I know you weren't saying that this is not the case, but I could just see where someone would take what you said and wrongly apply it to something like that (and I see and hear people constantly coming to the defense of false teachers like it's wrong to come against false teachers publicly when they are putting out false teachings publicly which is not a biblical point of view on that matter whatsoever ).

Anyways, I totally follow you and I really appreciated the post personally as I have been also thinking about these things a lot myself, and when it all "goes too far" from being what the Bible speaks of as righteous judgment and discernment over into being critical and judgmental or a gossip/busybody.
God Bless!
Jeff

"False teachers who teach publicly can be rebuked or come against publicly for the sake of the flock".

Thanks Jeff. So this is really a side issue to what I am speaking about but it is an important and confusing issue for many people. And the reason it creates confusion is because once we have deemed a man of God to be a false teacher (by our decree mind you)...then in a sense we psychologically write them off. We do this without thinking about it in many cases.

Perhaps in our minds this is what happens..."He is a false teacher, a bad egg...everything about him is bad and so he must be exposed and put in his place for the sake of the world".

And then we stray from correcting just false teaching, to now participating in exposing every dot and tittle about a man of God that we deem to be wrong or inappropriate. And we setup websites to tear their ministry down to the ground.

What starts out as seemingly helpful actions on our part to correct and warn about false doctrine can easily stray over into a critical spirit which stands with the accuser of the brethren. We go from doing Gods work to doing satans work. And this crossover is quite common I have found.

Thank you for sharing.

L

Sure,
I see that. And to be clear, I'm not talking about deeming someone as a false teacher & publically rebuking their teaching on "questionable non-essentials" that good saints have disagreed on for centuries: "eschatological framework/timeline", "Soveriegn elective grace vs Freewill choice", etc. I'm talking about the things Paul clearly calls out in scripture & tells us to do likewise: Wolves fleecing the flock (even that you gotta be careful because some people take that too far & if anyone sells DVD's to support their ministry some people consider them a "charlatan" or some nonsense which is different than "the Lord told me I need a million dollar airplane, a 5 million dollar house, etc. so send me $1,000 seeds now if you want to be blessed - which is clearly the greed/covetousness Paul speaks of throughout the NT to stay away from & even expose), or someone teaching a clearly heretical teaching on an essential doctrine like the deity of Christ, the resurrection, not being required to keep the Law for salvation, etc. all things clear in Romans, Galatians, etc.).

Anyways, just clarifying.
God Bless,
Jeff

Thanks Leslie :-)

Hi Jeff,
From my experience, many "discernment ministries" are focused on the wolves, the money fleecers. It seems though that many of these people who run these sites are completley preoccupied with this stuff and not Jesus. They become known by what they are against.

I think we do not give enough credit to the Holy Spirit to warn each believer who is and who isn't a wolf. We have this Anointing within, who shall lead us into all truth.

The problem with running around naming all the wolves is that it is hard to truly know who is fleecing the sheep for their own gain and who is asking for money for good reasons. Who really knows the thoughts and intents of another mans heart? Who really knows the heart motivations of another man?

Personally, for me at least, I no longer talk about the wolves by name, but I have no problem issuing warnings in general terms. I have noticed the men of God that I admire such as Jim Cymbala, David Wilkerson, Leonard Ravenhill or Zac Poonen etc, never name-names publicly. At least not to my knowledge. They may do this in a closed group of elders etc, but not publicly that I am aware of.

Thank you brother Mark for sharing this you are a wonderful example of God doing a beautiful work of humility in this area of your life.

It has been a principle that we have grown in over the years, to let the light shine in the darkness by itself and not focus on the darkness or pointing fingers at it.

Anton Bosch wrote an excellent booklet on this subject (it is free on kindle)

Contentiously Contending: A Word to Today's Apologetics Emphasis
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00UPI8FLI/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&btkr=1

It can be downloaded in PDF here: http://www.antonbosch.org/Contentious%20Manuscript%20rev3.1.pdf

and ordered here: http://www.antonbosch.org/books.html#Contending

this is an excerpt:

Contentiously Contending

Jude urges us "to contend earnestly for the faith which was once for all delivered to the saints.” (Jude 3). Many have found this verse a wonderful excuse to be argumentative, contentious, vindictive, loud, aggressive, mean, nasty and antagonistic as they vigorously pursue all who do not agree with their version of the truth. But is this really what Jude meant? While Jude makes this statement, he does not elaborate on how we are to contend. For this we need to look at the rest of the New Testament. Many build an entire ministry, and excuse their bad attitude, based on this single word. Doing so is as wrong as any error they may be standing against since they take this word out of the context of the general teaching of the Bible.

Jesus is our prime example and He is not ungracious in His interface with the enemies of the Gospel. Even when contending with the Devil in the wilderness He simply quoted the Word in a defensive manner. He never went over to the offense, and He did not resort to calling the Devil names or attacking him personally. The reality is that He did not have anything to prove. He was secure in His ministry and mission, and in Who He was. It seems to me that those who take the battle personally, and who resort to malicious attacks on those who believe and teach error, are insecure in who they are and in what they believe, and therefore need to prove themselves by discrediting everyone else around them.

One of the things that distinguished the unconverted Saul from the converted Paul was the aggression of the first and the meekness (not weakness) of the second. He changed from being the pursuer to being pursued, and from the aggressor to the defender. Yes, he never hesitated to defend the truth and was very forthright in denouncing evil, but that malicious streak was left behind on the Damascus Road. He understood that he was "…appointed for the defense of the gospel” (Philippians 1:17). The Faith was something that needed to be defended, and not to be forced on those who had no interest in truth. Is it possible that those who aggressively seek to force their point of view on others have not been converted and are contending in the flesh? There is little difference between such people and the radical Muslim, Nazi or other extremist. It seems to me the attitude and method is the same, it’s just the ideology that is different.

Then there are those who use Ephesians 6:17 as an excuse to use the Word as a dagger and a knife to cut, stab and maim those that cross their path. But this verse gives absolutely no sanction to use the Bible to cut and hurt other people. In fact, the context is clear that the armor is to be used in our struggle against the Devil and his demons, and specifically excludes flesh and blood from the battle (Ephesians 6:11&12). There is no verse in the Bible that gives us the right to use the Bible as a sword against people. Even when contending with Satan, the Sword is primarily a defensive weapon. Anyone who has watched a fencing match or a sword fight in the movies will recognize that ninety-nine per cent of the time the sword is used defensively to ward off the opponent’s attacks. Only rarely is it actually used to lunge or attack.

Remember again how Jesus used the Scriptures against the Devil: He simply quoted the Scriptures and defended His position ”“ He never attacked. Thus, those who use the Bible to cut and stab other people are wrong on two counts. It was the carnal, unconverted Peter who used the sword to slash the man’s ear off but it was Christ Who stuck the ear back on again (Luke 22:50-51). It was on the same occasion that Jesus warned that "all who take the sword will perish by the sword” (Matthew 26:52). Those who use the Bible as a sword to maim, kill and attack are declaring that they are more like the unregenerate Peter than the Savior.

Neither does the end justify the means. It does not matter how noble your cause may be ”“ if you go about it in an un-Christ-like carnal way you will not have the Lord’s blessing but will rather fall afoul of His judgment. "For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you” (Matthew 7:2) and "judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy” (James 2:13).

Now before you accuse me of saying that we should not stand for truth against error ”“ that is not what I am saying. We must contend for the faith, defend the Gospel and point out error. But the attitude and method with which we do so are of utmost importance. Yes, just as important as the what is the how. We must speak the truth, but we must do so with love. (Ephesians 4:15). I am afraid that I see a few speak the truth, but of those few most speak the truth with hate, anger, bitterness, arrogance and vindictiveness. It does not matter how much truth you speak; if you do so with the wrong attitude you are wasting your time. The Lord will not honor you and He will not bless your words. 1Corinthians 13 is abundantly clear that it does not matter how great your (Bible) knowledge, how much you speak, how many books or articles you have written or what sacrifices you have made ”“ even to martyrdom. If you have not been driven by a love for those you address, you have wasted your time and you are just another big noise.

What is it that motivates you to defend the truth? Some do so out of a love for themselves, and others because they love to be right and love to prove how wrong others are. The only legitimate motivation is love for the Lord Jesus, love for His Word and love for those who are lost. If you are not motivated by a love for all three, you are wasting everyone’s time ”“ rather get into politics or something else, but forget about speaking for the Lord Jesus. Unless we love what He loves and hate what He hates we have no right to speak on His behalf. Yes, He does hate error, but He hates arrogance even more, and He loves the sinner and the heretic. Until we genuinely love and weep for the heretics, we have no right to speak to or about them. How dare we claim to represent the One who laid down His life for us when we are more interested in proving how right we are than saving those who are lost and going astray?

Anton writes..........

'Many have found this verse a wonderful excuse to be argumentative, contentious, vindictive, loud, aggressive, mean, nasty and antagonistic as they vigorously pursue all who do not agree with their version of the truth."

I think that may be a key statement. Vigorously pursuing anything other than Jesus leads us into a ditch sooner or later...........Bro Frank

thank you brother Greg. Anything the Lord has done in me is 100% because of His mercy. When I think of how harshly He dealt with Miriam when she grumbled against Moses and I look back over my own life, I am truly humbled by His mercy.

And believe it or not brother Greg, the Lord used you as an instrument of my own awakening to the horrors of my heart in this area. It was when you were on facebook and went through a patch where you would post time and time again about being careful how we speak against others. I remember on one occasion as my epiphany got closer, I commented on one of your facebook posts and said something to the affect of:

"thats all well and good brother Greg, but lets not forget that there are lots of false teachers out there and wolves and we must not be afraid to warn others about them".

I remember this as if it was yesterday. Was I right in my comment? Yes, absolutely...and you agreed and posted something to balance your original statements. And I felt all smug about myself that I had gotten the "great Greg Gordon" to backtrack a little. But the Lord knew my heart and it was a dark little place.

Shortly after this was when the Lord spoke to me and told me that I had better cut it out and deal with the root cause of my contending. It went beyond wanting to warn others, but had a lot to do with past hurts and bitterness.

Anyway, God bless brother Greg...you truly are a godly brother with a walk with the Lord that I know has come forth from your own fiery trials.

"I think that may be a key statement. Vigorously pursuing anything other than Jesus leads us into a ditch sooner or later."

Very true words my dear brother Frank...I have run into more ditches in my life than most people have had chicken dinners.

I must be one of those slow learner christians:-(

Hi Michael,
Truly praising the Lord with you brother. I know this is a work of the Lord in me because I am not making anymore, "buts" or "what abouts". I can only put the change in me as one done by His Spirit. I am still just as grieved and concerned about false teaching and wolves as before, but in a general sense I think I can see His hand in removing a critical spirit within me.

God bless you brother on your journey to knowing Him!!!