We have no shame. I confess before the Lord and the world that I, Dolfan, am a man of offense toward God. I have no justification but that I am stripped of all and exposed as the wretch that I am, and that God loved me in that while I was a sinner, Christ died for me. He gave me grace and faith to believe in His Son, to find the place of repentance, to walk in the Way. I have no ability to do any of that. I prove with the corruption of my very simplest thoughts that I am wholly and hopelessly bound to death--but for the mercies of God in Christ who died for me and gave Himself for me. He took and holds all initiative in my salvation. I am a self-liar who has too often patted my own back for how good I am. He is the Self-Truth who, patiently and when any man would be offended at such treatment and patronization, extends to me mercy, His own Spirit, and His own Word, and reminds me painfully of who I really am and reminds me with healing of Who He really is.
I say all this, folks, because for all our machinations and laments, our calls for revival and our desire to see God put things right and judge this world and put an end to all iniquity ... we are a church not made ready. We are out of "good ideas" that we never really had, although we pretend otherwise and keep innovating. We are out power that we ought to have, although we are never broken and ashamed and never vulnerable nor honest enough toward God and one another in truth to stop relying on ourselves.
I am fully out of everything. If anything of any value to God is going to happen in me, He is going to have to do it. I ask You to, Lord. Jesus endured the cross, suffered the hostility and contradiction of sinners, and despised the shame of it all yet He died with a view of what lay on the other side of death because He knew death could not hold Him. I know it cannot hold me if You will walk with me through the valley of death. Lord, this hurts to ask because I know it is Your will and you grant what we ask according to Your will, but what else is there?: grant me the power to die, the power to release my grip on this life and all of my own self, ways, thoughts, and even my desperation for my own family to be safe and secure and in You. Grant me the power of an open hand that weakly releases all hope on this side of my transformation into the image of Jesus. Grant me the power to walk in Jesus until I see Him as He is.
