I know now beyond any doubt that I suffered from depression for many years after being saved and still battle it at times. Some times more intense than others. This depression was at many times what people would term as "clinical" depression. It was such a part of my life probably from even elementary school that I didn't even really know what it was. It just had always been that way. So I was bascially unaware of the ins and outs of it and after being saved was told that when one becomes a Christian all those type of things go away and shoud not bother you anymore. So I developed a sort of spiritual tought guy type of attitude that tried to toe the line of I was delievered when I became born again. And toeing that line, in spite of lingering problems, takes more emotional energy which can actually deepen the cycle as emotional energy is spent on maintaining a false front. I'm sort of milling about these things and pondering them lately because much to my suprise I've had some experiences with the Lord lately that are giving me more insight into my pysche than I have ever had before. It came from His iniative and was unexpected and is leading me to consider and embrace the new man in Christ more than I ever have. Yet if one is born again, what sometimes for many many years still hinders one from being delivered from say depression, continuing anger against others, low self esteem (why continuing to maintain outwardly we are accepted in the beloved) or a tendency to still sin uncontrollably in certain areas? What is the blockage? Is it part of the new man still struggling or are the wounds and heartbreak of the old man, supposedly gone, still playing a dominant role which tends to kill faith? I'm not trying to get "psychological" here in any worldly sense. That's the last thing I want to do.
1) Can the new man/person in Christ still be depressed and blocked from seeing the love of God in Christ or is that the old man still hanging about?
2) Is it wrong to teach forthrightly that when one is born again that all these type of things automatically are to disappear?
Though longing for it and even panting for it as the Psalm says, why is the unconditional love of the Lord for us still elusive to many of us? I'm not trying to lay a trip on folks you know or engage in worldly self introspection or pyschology. I can't speak for all but something has been going on im me that is taking my breath away to a degree and melting stony places in my heart I wasn't even aware of or didn't want to acknowledge. Man, being in the world was a bad trip! Life is rough for all of us even in Christ and many wounds can accumulate. Is ths type of broken heartedness still in us the new man or the old? Probably the old but I'm just seeking out the opinions of others. Nothing is set in stone here. David Wilkerson said he used to preach the unconditional love of God to many manmy thousands at once and go home and wonder if he really believed it. He said also that many times nationally known ministers have sat in his office and lament that they still wondered why they were unable themselves to believe in the love of God for their own selves. If these things be so, what will remove the barrier and what can heal us individually and corporately? If Christ came to heal the broken hearted then it isn't wordly psychology. It must involve Ephesians 3:14-19. And I know the cross and whatChrist bore there is supremely important in any true revelation of God's love for us.
I have lumps in my throat these days and find myself wanting to cry for no reason and it usually is accompanied by looking back and remembering and understanding better the wounds from the past and how thay have affected me until now even in Christ. Yet I didn't start this it just has begin to happen to me. There's a great unwordly warmth inside of me and it makes me not know how to act and makes me want to cry as I go about. What's going on?
