I am so encouraged by this thread.
Like tuc l spent a lot of years - seventeen for me, trying to live the Christian life in the manner of which l aspired to, after having a profound conversion experience at the age of 23. It just did not work and l lost the peace and joy which l had known from the beginning.
I could not understand why l could not maintain the highs of good fellowship and good sermons. It was up on a Sunday, then back down for the rest of the week. When l read Oswald Chambers My Utmost for His Highest, l was even more dismayed, by his much higher spirituality and deep understanding of scripture. I felt that l bore a heavy burden on my back.
I prayed to God that l would go as far as it is possible with Him and longed for a close walk with Him.
My freedom came one day when a friend handed me Watchman Nee's The Normal Christian Life, and glory be to God, it was revealed to me that our sanctification has already been achieved at Calvary. All that was required of me was to have faith in that, submit myself entirely to His will, and determine that sin had no place in my life because He had died to save me from it. Gradual sanctification is of the flesh so all of my self improvements put me back under the curse of the law which demands 100% compliance.
I had three days of rapture and my peace and joy were restored. I no longer had to struggle. I was under graduate e and as long as l trusted in His righteousness, sin had no power over me at all and whatever l wished to do or to stop doing was automatic as it was by faith in the finished work of the cross, where l was crucified with Christ, in reality not just as a notion.
The scriptures were opened a new and l saw that the whole Bible was about this - the return in repentance of God's people who have been in the wilderness, round and round the mountain. It was later before l understood what had happened as there was no teaching of this in my church.
Philip, indeed l felt a fish out of water when l attempted to explain to other believers what God has shown me and accused of being all sorts of a heretic. But this was a reality not a theory for me, l was enabled to walk as He walked and be an overcomer.
Well many years have passed since then and l have been through many a trial and lost that blessing for a time. But even though l have lost almost everything in my life due to my calling of suffering, my hope is nothing less but Jesus and His righteousness whom He gives to those who love Him with their whole hearts.