Home Gatherings: Advice for promoting love and fellowship

Greetings,

I moved from Milwaukee to San Diego a year ago. Prior to moving I had removed my family and I from gathering in an institutional/traditional church setting. We had various home gatherings that we either attended or hosted, including a "Lord's Supper" gathering in which a meal was served and the saints ate together and partook of the bread and "wine" in remembrance of Jesus.

These were blessed gatherings, and there were other brothers who hosted other gatherings as well. One in particular had a bible study. This brother was also very involved in street evangelism and many of the brothers would spend hours preaching the word and witnessing to the lost in Milwaukee and the surrounding area.

The problem is that division and disunity plagued the brothers, and it was hard to keep momentum or for true ministry to take place.

I perceive that no small part of the problem is that most of the brothers had their own "church" they attended and their own "pastor" and didn't recognize the gatherings as "church", per se, and acted in ways that they likely never would have "in church".

Some of the brothers were fairly lacking in their relational/people skills in terms of spiritual discourse and gathering - owing to the fact that they are not subject to much dialogue and in depth, personal, and organic operation in a 'religious' setting. They are used to listening to a preacher pontificate for an hour and chatting with brothers and sisters for 20 minutes or so before grabbing lunch (perhaps with a few that they 'like' and 'get along with').

So even before I moved what had started and had been a blessing was already running aground and a few of the brothers were put off and not interested in continuing to gather with certain other brothers (one reason was over-zealous dogmatism about things that scripture isn't 100% clear or final about and a thumping of one another relentlessly over these things).

I even felt the Lord lead me to distance myself from the routine evangelism outreach for certain reasons...

And all along I was bothered by the fact that the emphasis on love and fellowship was not equal to that which was put on street evangelism, and brothers that may not attend a bible study in order to keep their distance from another brother (or at least didn't look forward to it or him) would go out witnessing with him.

I was concerned when I observed that if there were brothers that were acting unloving and harsh or had a legalistic spirit (or any other perceived issue), no one would go to that brother. Or even if one did and he didn't receive it, two wouldn't. Or if two did, and that was unsuccessful, the group would sweep it under the rug and move on and let it fester.

It also bothered me that the brothers didn't see a problem with their lack of humility and love for one another, and didn't feel amiss going out to witness to the lost as a group when in truth some among them were very divided at worst, and only superficially 'friends' at best.

As I said before, I believe that part of the problem was that all but two of the brothers attended regular services at traditional/institutional churches and didn't view what they did with one another as anything more than "hanging out" and didn't see each other as beloved brothers or gifted of the Lord for the edification of the body - and certain imperatives of the Lord (such as the 'Law of Christ', washing one anothers' feet, and Matthew 18:15-17) did not apply.

Well, before moving I became burdened for the brothers I was leaving behind in Milwaukee and entreated them to all gather to share a burden and a 'departing word' of sorts. We did, and I exhorted them to love and the Law of Christ and to not neglect/forsake the genuine assembling of themselves together (while continuing to emphasize "witnessing").

I believe the burden was received by most and there were willing hearts present.

But now, as I am planning my first return visit since moving, I am getting reports (as I have from a brother or two all along) that the situation has not gotten any better - and if anything it seems to be worse. Some that had some fellowship in their institutional churches feel that is proving to be superficial and lacking, and are discontent with them. Others are attending "sketchy" churches and toying with an ungodly "expression" of church.

But all around it appears that there is a lack of humility, love and unity among this group of zealous and devoted brothers.

Well, I have a burden and a potential opportunity to call another gathering while I am visiting in about a month - and I trust that I have a fair amount of respect from and influence on more than a few of them.

I am wondering if anyone that took the time to read all of that has any advice or insight... I do plan to try to get as many of the brothers together to share my burden again - and seek the Lord for a fresh word from Him for the group.

Thanks for reading and for weighing in as you feel led.

Oh brother,
The issue isn't about the brothers' ideas about church. It's about their need for the Lord to do a work in their dear hearts.
If you would spend time praying for them, perhaps,instead of praying about them, it might help.

May the good Lord reveal Himself to all concerned.

With much love ....

Brother, how are you? I have lost your contact. When will you be heading back? I will be up in the Northern, IL area in early Aug. Would love to catch up or even come up to meet the others.

Blessings,

Brother Jeremy

Forrest, I love your post here.

No advice from me. I am actually frightened by your words. Very jealous against seeing these things develop among our own small home fellowship.

God, grant that we love one another every day before we "one another" anything else. I find myself almost palpably craving to forbear after reading this. Jesus' prayer for us in John 17 is essential to the true witness of Christ.

I live in San Diego now, I will be in the Milwaukee area near the end of August. My email is on my profile. We are well. Hope to catch up again soon.

Thank you all for your words of encouragement and exhortation, I welcome as much as the Lord leads (and then some) ;-).

A gem:

God, grant that we love one another every day before we "one another" anything else.

Amen. Wise words/prayer; Sobering reminder. Sound advice.

This post deeply moved me.

I moved with my family from the London, UK to a small town in Germany to start a home fellowship. I quit my job, sold the house, and pulled the kids from good schools in order to start this adventure.

A call to death - of self. I can tell you stories...At the moment we are encountering severe depresssion by a third of them, job losses, marriage, discipline, etc. I will see that I post some more in due course.

...the fellowship should be established on prayer and continued prayer meetings weekly....If the fellowship does not come together for prayer on a regular basis, it won't hold together.

Amen. Good word, Julius21. I'm taking notes. ;)

The following is some things that I feel the Lord is laying on my heart for general use/knowledge as well as for a "reunion gathering" in Milwaukee.

While reading and teaching the word of the LORD to my children the other night before bed, we came across this exhortation from Joshua to the tribe of Gad, the tribe of Ruben and the half-tribe of Manasseh which he spoke to them before sending them back to the land Moses gave them on the other side of the Jordan upon completion of the conquest of Canaan:

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"But take careful heed to do the commandment and the law which Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you, to love the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to keep His commandments, to hold fast to Him, and to serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul.” So Joshua blessed them and sent them away, and they went to their tents.
~ Joshua 22:5-6

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This was moving to me; how simple, yet so profound (partly because of it's simplicity and clarity). How impossible (for man/works), but yet possible (for God/faith in Him). How burdensome in the flesh, yet not burdensome in the Spirit for the child of God. A heavy burden to the old man, but an easy yoke to the new - who lives in and through Christ.

What really jumped out at me was that The Great Commandment of the Law (Deut. 6:5, Matthew 22:37) is essentially echoed here by Joshua: "...to love the LORD your God...and to serve Him with all your heart and with all your soul."

And he briefly expounds on what it looks like to "love the LORD your God": "..to walk in all His ways, to keep His commandments, to hold fast to Him.."

[Oh thank God for the blood of Christ that makes all of this possible by the Spirit!]

What I (believe I) was specifically led to expound on in this portion was the "..to hold fast to Him.." part: why is this necessary and how does one do this?

I explained our need for grace, how it is by grace we are saved and without it we cannot help but be lost - so prayer is essential. And I also reminded them that the word of the LORD says that God "resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble" - so (in praying) genuine humility is also needed.

I know that a biblical and historical way to maintain humility is to confess our sins to one another (James 5:16 and Didache 4:12-14, 14:1 - link below). This is humbling and clears the way for the grace of God to flow and no flesh will be able to glory.

Another way to maintain humility and sincerity is fasting, or "prayer and fasting." I will likely exhort the brothers to commit to this spiritual discipline in the love and fear of Christ as a means to be faithful and obedient to the Law of Christ and thus "hold fast to [the LORD]".

And the final way that I thought of and taught my kids to maintain humility and thereby "hold fast to [the LORD]" is one that is very seldom found in the assembly today: foot washing.

I have never personally been a part of this in the general assembly, though I have felt the Lord lead me to wash the feet of my family a couple times during times of significant tension, turmoil and strife.

But in John 13 we see Jesus (the Lord of Glory) do just this - in a very real and practical way - and He goes on to teach:

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So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, "Do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them."

~ John 13:12-17

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It seems to me that the Lord was instructing the apostles to very literally practice foot washing; "If I then, your Lord and Teacher have washed your feet," [in a very real and literal way, not in a merely allegorical/symbolic way] "you also ought to wash one another’s feet."

It seems that there is little reason to interpret His instruction as purely symbolic/allegorical.

Right after instructing them to wash one another's feet, Jesus says:

"Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him."

And:

"If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them."

While I do feel that there is much truth and benefit and revelation in the allegorical meaning of 'foot washing' and the spiritual practice of it is also imperative; I do not feel that to neglect the literal practice of it is wise or warranted.

I speak from experience (and as one who has only ever washed the feet of my wife and children/step-children): it was very humbling and heart-melting for all involved when I have done it in the past.

So the main takeaways from this study for the potential gathering are:

* A reading of and call to heed Joshua's exhortation.

* A reminder of the Great Commandment and Johns words concerning it and linking it to the Second Commandment (1 John 5:1).

* A reminder of the Law of Christ (John 13:34 and 15:12).

* An exhortation to all of these; to "walk in all His ways, to keep His commandments."

* An exhortation to "hold fast to Him" as the only means to do the above.

* A presentation of the above means to "hold fast to Him": Grace, prayer, humility, fasting, confession of sins and foot washing.

* And finally, I feel that it is also the mind of Christ to "be an example to the flock" by bringing the necessary implements and wash their feet (those that will humbly permit it) - as well as to confess my sins to them (by the grace of God) and encourage others to join in a time of confession and prayer and reconciliation (keeping in mind Matthew 5:24 and the spirit of Didache 14:2-3).

Any thoughts?

Link to Didache: https://carm.org/didache

Love the post and the Word alive in your thoughts. We have washed one another's feet in our gathering once. It is an expression of love and humility and appreciation that Jesus said to do. We ignore it. We should make it part of our ordinary body life as He leads. When we can meet without bones to pick, without pet emphases, when we come with the purposes of meeting that NT life depended on, it is pleasing to Him. We are His habitation then.

Thank you for the encouraging word and the inspiring aspirations for true body life: love, humility, service, common purpose; and a lack of self seeking, ambition and striving...

Oh God, let it be so among the brothers in Milwaukee as well as here in San Diego! And let us "love one another before we 'one another' anything else"!