A little levity

Recently I gave some directions to our house- A King James Version and The Message version:

"KING JAMES" VERSION
1. thou shalt proceed eastward on "A" road until thou runnest into "B" road.
2. at the meeting of B road and A road, thou shalt immediately turn to thy left. thou shalt not turn to the right, nor shalt thou proceed straightforward. Left thou shalt turn, and the turn that thou makest shall be to thy left.
3. thou shalt next proceed to the north on B road approximately 50 cubits and a span. therafter thou shalt see a sign on thy left. thou shalt heed the sign and the location theref, to assurest that the sign dost read "C lane." when thou seest the sign that dost read "C lane", thou shalt proceed to signal thy intention to turn left. Left shalt thou turn. thou shalt not proceed straightforward, for such way leads to dissipation. rather, thou shalt turn to thy left, and left is the way thou shalt turn.
4. as thou travelest upon C lane, thou shalt immediately notice a sign that dost read "D rd." when this sign shall appear unto you, thou shalt once again signal thy intention to turn left. thou shalt not proceed straight away, for such is the path of destruction. rather shalt thou turn to thy left. left shalt thou turn, and the manner of thy turning shall be to thy left.
5. thou shalt then proceedest to follow D road to the farthest cul-de-sac. thou shalt not stop at the first cul-de-sac, for such is the road to folly. when thou reachest the furthest cul-de-sac, thou shalt search for a house on thy left. thou shalt not look to thy right, neither shalt thou look straightaway. left is the way thou shalt look, and left shall be the direction of thy looking.
6. thou shalt look for a tan colored house with white trimmings thereabout. thou shalt not search for a white house, nor shalt thou search for a green house or a blue house. tan is the color of the house, and the color of the house that thou seekest is tan.
7. here is wisdom. let him who hath understanding count the number of the house: for it is the number of a family, and the number is 7-6-1-6.

"THE MESSAGE" Version

1. go east on A road
2. turn left on B
3. turn left on C
4. turn left on D
5. drive around to the far end of D to the cul de sac
6. look on your left for a tan house with white trim
7. the house number is 7616.

This is wonderful!!!!

Thank you for a little bit of levity!!

LOL Todd!!

Thanks! 😂

"But to this one I will look, To him who is humble and contrite of spirit, and who trembles at My word."
~ Isaiah 66:2

Trembles at His word...not makes jokes about.

(P.S. I also don't find that to be a fair or accurate representation of 'The Message' "Bible".)

To be fair, "THE MESSAGE" Version should be more like this .....

1. Explore eastward on A road from the depths of your heart
2. turn to YOUR left on B without concern for gawking eyes
3. Or be concerned with nitwits, boldly turn left on C
4. turn left on D to your Fathers bursting delight
5. Dear friend drive around to the far end of D to the rounded space
6. look on your left for a blessed tan dwelling with a freshly fallen snow white trim
7. Don’t assume that you know it all but seek the house whose number is 7616.

;)

LOL @ jochbaptist

For some more levity here are some church bulletin bloopers, these have been posted here from time to time and are good for a laugh.

Return of the Church Bulletins. . .

They're back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.

The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday, there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24th in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A Bean Supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be, "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck Supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - Prayer and medication to follow.

This evening at 7:00 p.m., there will be a hymn-singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7:00 p.m. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church Basement on Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

Since it was brought up I did want to clarify that I was not making fun of the scriptures; I was simply doing gross caricatures of the KJ style and The Message style. Making fun of scripture would require taking a passage and ridiculing its content. I feel like a dweeb having to defend my intent because I assumed it was obvious.

It was for folks in my Bible study so they could appreciate it.

JB- your MSG parody was great!

The opposite of levity is gravity, which is related to "grave," as in, "'Trembles at His word...not makes jokes about,' said Forrest gravely."

"'P.S. I also don't find that to be a fair or accurate representation of 'The Message' "Bible"', added Forrest in a voice that sounded like two gravestones rubbing together."

by wayneman
The opposite of levity is gravity, which is related to "grave," as in, "'Trembles at His word...not makes jokes about,' said Forrest gravely."

"'P.S. I also don't find that to be a fair or accurate representation of 'The Message' "Bible"', added Forrest in a voice that sounded like two gravestones rubbing together."

More, more levity, you guys!!!

This is grave news indeed.

I personally find the anything goes with Bible translation very disturbing.

This is a thread from the past concerning the message bible :

https://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?mode=viewtopic&topic_id=49296&forum=36&start=0&viewmode=flat&order=0

I personally believe that the KJV has a special anointing on it, that I am not convinced that the modern versions have.

I personally believe that the KJV is the crowning of Tyndales translation.

I have many books and have studied what many of the modern translators have to say.
Some of them I like, such as many of the translators that worked on the ESV, they seem sincere and I like there translation philosophy of "essentially literal".
But I personally am not convinced that they nor any of the other modern translations originated from a calling.

When challenged about the trustworthiness of there translations, modern translators will often provide there academic credentials, translation philosophy, there doctrinal background etc etc.

I am yet to read any that defends the trustworthiness of there translations the way that the martyr Tyndale did of which he said :

"I call God to record against the day we shall appear before our Lord Jesus, that I never altered one syllable of God's Word against my conscience, nor would do this day, if all that is in earth, whether it be honor, pleasure, or riches, might be given me." - William Tyndale

Todd, you don't need to defend yourself brother. I think God has a better sense of humor than we do sometimes. "A merry heart does good like medicine". King James language is not equal to the Scriptures.

There are always those who will capitalize on an opportunity to hyper-spiritualize something and self aggrandize their own spirituality - this in itself is a demonstration of fleshly promotion. How can I say this? Because I have been that guy a LOT in my life - and it's just not of God.

If I was part of your home fellowship I would have loved those directions. Thank God for sanctified humor that brings mirth and fellowship.

God bless you brother,

Kevin wrote: "King James language is not equal to the Scriptures."

Thanks Kevin- that is what I was trying to say.

I certainly don't have any issues with the KJ translation of the Bible- I am quite fond of it and use it often. It was not my intent to denigrate the translation- so there is no reason for folks to feel they have to defend it.

Henceforth we shall restrict our jokes to religiously-correct Baptist humor,e.g.

If God meant for man to smoke he would have put a chimney on his head.

It was Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.

The Sadducees did not believe in the resurrection, so they were sad, you see.

These are examples of what is within the bounds of acceptable religious humor.

Remember. It is not you that is smoking. The sigarette is. You are just the sucker at the other end. ;0

So not so long ago a fellow in our church testified that he was losing his hearing a bit but at least it helped him walk through the woods quieter when he was hunting!

These are they who take God's Word in vain, go to the church house/house church, then go to the movie house!

They then go to prayer and pray for revival!

And what's even worse than all that is that they try to get others to think that God is laughing along with them at it all, and that He will look favorably upon them and their prayers.

But...then come others to rain on their parade...

And so they, 'blame it on the rain'!

And so they protest with their umbrellas in hand!