Dear Dian,I'm sorry to hear you're feeling low. I am praying for you. You are a joy to the Lord! and us! And I perceive you have some freedom within your difficult marriage, to serve Him. This is a blessing all round and one to praise Him for!When I have been feeling desperate, I always find it helps to try to pin-point or ask the Lord to pin-point, the pivotal anxiety or distress, so you can attack it with some constructive prayer. Or, just pray in the Spirit, and listen to what is passing up to Him, for clues. I don't mean to sound know-it-all. These are just things I've learned over the years, which may help you to feel productive, spiritually. Remember, your service of the Lord is primarily to worship Him and know Him. All the other things flow from there, including going to church and 'having a ministry'(!) :-)If possible, read something from the Old Testament. I'm sure the Lord can put the name of book in your heart, but if nothing else comes to you, the story of David beginning in 1 Samuel, contains (for me) a brilliant demonstration of the Omnipotence of the Lord preserving His anointed (you, in this case,) when everything is against you, in natural terms. It must be very challenging to wake up every morning to an adverse situation emotionally, but the Lord does want to comfort you with His presence and His ministrations, to refresh your soul and nourish you in His ways. He is with you. And, if you are simply tired, it is quite ok to take 'time out' to regroup emotionally and spiritually. This is a natural part of growing; it's a tiring business. Reflection and meditation are essential. Please come back here when you're feeling better, or, if things get worse, please keep us in touch.