A question concerning a child's right to privacy.

Hi

During the weekend I read through some discussions on my daughter's cell phone, that she had with some boys. I acted on some suspicious behavior, and did it in her presence.

She is 15 years old, and was very upset about me invading her privacy. I did not think that I was acting beyond my "jurisdiction", but might be wrong here.

My whole house knows my password, and are free to use my phone or read whatever I discuss.

I was wondering what some of you think about this?

Blessings

In my view a 15 year old should not have any expectation of privacy in regard to their cell phone.

Thank you Brother for your feedback.

I think, you've done very well! When I was home, the phones of my parents were also available for us most of the time... and my parents also shared their email password etc. It has something to do with trust...

I can talk from a child's perspective - whenever we tried to hide something from dad and mom, it was almost always because WE KNEW it was wrong, and they would not like it at all. Therefore it is very suspicious for example, if a teenager doesn't want to have also friendship with his parents on facebook (for example)!

A sister in the church shared that she restricted the access to a smartphone for her 11yo daughter... and I find this good!

God bless you, and give you strength, courage and wisdom to raise up your child!

Be not conformed to the world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may prove what is that good, acceptable, and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2

You should know you have done nothing wrong, as you are the parent and your daughter is the child. The scriptures have plenty to say about a child that is not trained, corrected, or disciplined. The world however says otherwise as well as many Christians on this subject.

Read Gods word and believe it, your daughter will thank you one day. Most children I know who have been handed everything on a silver platter by their parents end up resenting them sooner or later.

When I was younger I got along just fine without a cell phone, computer, tablet, etc. But today, people would rather go without food, water, a roof over their head than to be without these things.

Some may say what if my son or daughter pays for their own phone? What should we say then? For me it still falls into the realm of the tail wagging the dog. As parents, we are the ones who decide whether a child can be trusted and responsible to have a phone or not.

I lived at home until I got married at the age of 23 and even though I paid rent I abided by my parents rules and was all the more content for it.

Thank you Esther & David.

I have 4 daughters. The oldest is at University studying Drama, currently on a mission trip. The orher 3 are still at school. The 15 year old and twins at 13. At 13 years and on I start changing my parenting to a relational style, and less authoritarian. That was why I was unsure.

Blessings

Re: "...a child's right to privacy."

I tell you that she learned no such thing from God or His Word!

She, and all others of such a mind as this, learned it under the apple tree.

Re: "At 13 years and on I start changing my parenting to a relational style, and less authoritarian"

Just curious, where did you get that stylish philosophy?

Is there something magical about the number 13?

RE : /// My whole house knows my password, and are free to use my phone or read whatever I discuss.///

That is it.

Why would you set a less accountable guideline for your children than that of which you have set for yourself ?

It is sorta amazing how Christian families demand that a teenager have the will power to fight temptations but allow situations that 50 +
year old preachers put in the same situations will throw in the towel and fall into sin over.

I would highly recommend reading/listening to teachings by Bro Denny Kenaston and/or Michael Pearl concerning child training and also concerning courtship

clarity

That is funny Savannah. Made me laugh.
Because 13 is the natural number following 12 and preceding 14. ;)

My parenting approach came from what I learned from teachings by Craig Hill and the Ezzos.

Then came cell phones and the Internet ....

Concerning dating. When my eldest was 16 she had to attend a school dance for which she had to have a partner. She was shocked to find that I was organising a partner for her, rebelled and organised her own. I was hurt but let it slide. The boy from church I tried to choose, is now showing signs of effeminacy. The boy she chose was from her art class, is a realy sweet kid, and they are still friends. She is still relationally pure at 18, (unheard of amongst her peers) (also purely by the grace of God) and a great guide and example for her 3 sisters.

Wonder what would have happened if I forced her to go with the other boy ?
Blessings

A 15 year old girl (the daughter that God has entrusted to you) has absolutely no expectations of privacy, especially on her phone. This is one of the MOST important places (the phone) that she needs protection from herself and others.

My sister's friend has a "feeling" and checked her son's phone and viewed the video's on it. The things she found her church going son doing on those videos, drug parties, driving 100 mph. She had no idea. That following week he came home from a mission trip and found two huge big dudes picking him up taking him to rehab facility for his summer and most of his senior year in high school. He did come home to graduate with his class but he was a changed young man and he always left his phone on the dining room table with no password on it for her to read through! God is a miracle working God!!

You do what you have to do, she will understand later!

RE : ///... The boy from church I tried to choose, is now showing signs of effeminacy...///

Do not confuse Courtship with arranged marriages/relationships.

Courtship is boundaries and commitment much different than the dating system that we have been brought up around.

I recall listening to Paul Washer speak on the topic as well.

RE : /// She is still relationally pure at 18, (unheard of amongst her peers)///

That is wounderful news,
I would highly recommend that you consider studing out courtship as taught by those men I mentioned, and seek out a Christian Circle that applies these boundaries amoung there youth.

and discuss your findings with your children

As you mentioned the relational purity of your daughter is unheard of amoung there circle.

As a few years pass by, the temptation to stay that way as well as the likely hood of finding a suitable spouse that has also stayed relationly pure in that environment will become increasingly difficult.

just some things to consider

clarity

Ezzo-approved or God-approvved; that is the question!

Do your best to present yourself approved by God, a workman who does not need to be ashamed, properly handling the Word of Truth. 2 Timothy 2:15

School dance?
Had to have a partner?

The americanized church mentality has mesmerized and permeated the minds of the masses, which are now found each Sunday morning in buildings with tax exempt status.

Romans 12:1,2

Therefore I urge you, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God.

"She is still relationally pure at 18, (unheard of amongst her peers)..."

Since when does God approve of our peers being fornicators!

I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts. Psalm 119:63

Do not be surprised if your virgin daughter has a similar experience as did Humpty Dumpty!

Many a father I know are regretting to this very day, their refusal to heed such warnings.

I trust that there will be some others reading this thread who will not be deceived.

Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals."
1 Corinthians 15:33

Some very good advices and principles being shared here.

What is your style before they get 13yo? I know that you do not talk to an 12yo as to an 8yo, but nonetheless both need parenting, much advising and when it is needful prohibitions and restrictions. Because young people tend to think they know it all and their parents are fools - this is the spirit of the world - but it should not be so in the church!

I'm 20yo now, and I thank God that my parents are my friends. Especially during the first two years in university, I greatly profited from their advices and encouragement, most of all in spiritual things. Relationship is built up while they are at home. And it must be a right relationship (not kind of trying to win your kid with giving them more "freedom") - but God first (for you and your home), then "Children obey your parents in the Lord" and so on.

Concerning dating and dancing:

in your place I would not let her go in the first place! Dancing?! I cannot, I dare not even hug a man in the church, except he is a little child or an elderly man! And if that would be inappropriate in a church, why do it in the world?! That's actually why I hate dancing, the bodily contact is way too much - it is for a married couple or family relatives (father - daugther etc.)

Dating
Hope your kids remain in this way! Yes, the temptation is great but one should "keep himself unspotted from the world". I've personally never dated - this practice is absolutely worldly, unbiblical and I cannot understand how Christians can accept it?! Ever seen such pattern in the Bible?

There is difference between courtship and dating! But that's perhaps for another thread...

"As a few years pass by, the temptation to stay that way as well as the likely hood of finding a suitable spouse that has also stayed relationly pure in that environment will become increasingly difficult."

My faith is that as She first seeks the Kingdom and His Righteousness ALL other things will be given untio Her.

As I mentioned, having a preconceived view of how things should work, can be equally as dangerous ... Those who are led by the Spirit of God are the sons of God.

Blessings.

Savannah. Please don't pick on everything I say.

As for my daughters sexual purity. None of your business. Not on a public forum.

By relationally pure I ment not boyfriends/ relationships. To the pure all things are pure.

Your humpty-dumpty / fornicators comments are more degrading to her than most comments I have read from some pervy teenage boys.

:/

I agree joch b.

You come on here and seek input on a real life issue in a meek manner and get pounced on. Totally ridiculous.

Let the condemnation flow off your back and do what the Lord tells you to do.

Thanks Todd.
Sorry I did not support you on the other thread. Too busy sometimes to get involved. Where some people get the time to post so often? ....

You are right. I fasted posting during the month or so prior to Easter. I think it's a good idea now and then, although I did have to "bite my tongue" now and again. 🙂

Todd,

With 3644 posts in 5 years, you should probably fast more often. Not only from SI, but the prayer and fasting we as believers are called to by the Lord Jesus, for numerous reasons.

As the darkness and the spiritual wickedness thickens in the midst, we must draw near to Him as we wrestle with these foes.

Esther,

Your post is a breath of fresh air!

How is it that at 20yo you've more wisdom than a couple of fathers on this thread. It's no wonder that most youth are lost in worldliness, when those who should be leading them away from it don't even know it when it's before them.

May God help us all to repent and return to the old paths!

Again, your post is a breath of fresh air! Your words are striking, and obviously come from a mind that has been transformed. I've met very few your age who's thinking, and consequently their lifestyle, has not been corrupted by the world. May God keep you! May God lead you by His Spirit! Not as some here are calling being led by His Spirit, but in Truth going in the Way of Holiness and not worldliness.

Worldliness has been muddied so much over the years, most make no distinction as to what it is anymore. And no wonder, because they have been playing in the mud for so long, whenever a mudless one comes along who is keeping himself Unspotted from the world, they say "back off", even as Peter told Jesus to go away from him.

Esther, be encouraged! Do not compromise! Keep living the song we are so familiar with, and love to sing..."Though none go with me, still I will follow, no turning back, no turning back...!"

Don't follow the carnal church of Laodicea...remember, only dead fish go with the flow!

Be blessed, and be a blessing...to Him!