Dating

Here is a thought the Lord gave me: A woman is not a trophy, you do more than just look at her. You have to live with her.There is some wisdom. (It could also go for guys too) I've seen people get so wrapped in dating that it will carry them from one church to another and then eventually when the relationship is over the person either leaves the church and doesn't find another one or stops going, all because of the uncomfortablness. My personal belief is that dating is an epidemic that is sweeping singles in the church, which will build lust. What I mean by dating is the casual "dating" of another person with any physical intimacy at all (yes even kissing). So many people are like " I will not kiss on the first date" but then 2 months later they are sleeping with the other person. What good is that? You may say that you have self control but if you sit around with someone of the opposite sex and lay around on each other while watching movies alone you will see that self-control leave. Temptation, lust, then sin. You will watch it form before your eyes if you do not watch yourself. 1 Timothy 5:2 The elder women as mothers; the younger as sisters, with all purity.This is far from the mindset of church-people today. It’s closer to treat the women as a game so maybe you can win the prize. Do you treat others in the faith as brothers and sisters or playboy playmates? God is not impressed with the game so many singles play. And I am by far saying that being with someone of the opposite sex is wrong. What I am saying is that it should be more of a courtship. I see nothing wrong with intimacy, but only in conversation and pouring out your soul to the other, but not physical! Sex and intimacy is for marriage. It should be something that strengthens the relationship after marriage because marriage is more challanging than a courtship.

What does everyone thing about dating vs courtship? I would like to hear thought about it. What about scripture? Does scripture rule out what is called "dating?"

Check out Josh Harris's "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" as well as the sequel that followed it. Take his advice with a good pinch of salt though. The principles behind his advice are pretty sound.

Josh Harris can be a little confusing sometimes, but basically he advocates that one "date with intent." That is, you should only consider dating somebody if you think it has the potential for marriage. If you are just dating for the sake of dating, then Josh Harris says you are basically playing a game with somebody's heart, which is not a Christian thing to do. To some degree, I have personally embraced Josh Harris's philosophy. I have only sought relationships with girls that I first had friendships first. Of the female friends I've had, and having tried to be "more than friends" once, I've only had one official girlfriend, my current girlfriend. I think one major downside of Josh Harris's books are what he says on hugging and kissing, and in general, showing affection. He almost comes across as saying that there should be as little emotion and affection shown in these "courtships" as possible, because if the relationship doesn't work out, then you will protect your girlfriend from being seriously hurt and having to recover from a painful breakup. Such seems like good advice, but I think a little naive perhaps. If a couple comes to truly love eachother, then there are going to be emotions involved. There is always an risk involved with love. The Lord loved Judas Isacriot even until the very end, yet in the end Judas betrayed Him. I bet that hurt bad. Also, there is nothing wrong with kissing, even deeply, before marriage. Not all arousal and passion is lust. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not advocating inappropriate touching. Mere physical attraction is a form of arousal, only differing in degree. As is romantic feelings. Holding hands, hugging, and kissing are simply forms of this. Such is one topic I don't think Josh Harris handles too well. One crosses the line from arousal to lust only when one starts imagining what that person you are deeply attracted to would look like naked. In fairness to Josh Harris though, he does make some pretty strong arguments that are highly profitable to meditate on and consider. Harris doesn't say all hugging and kissing is wrong, he simply raises a very high standard, and makes some room for personal convictions.However, the principles he advocates are good. Christian dating should be one of serious intent built on friendship and respect for the other person. One should not aimlessly date, and should look to honor the Lord and their girlfriend, as well as involving their parents and Church as much as possible in the relationship. He's highly concerned with integrity within relationships... so few are these days.

By the way, the method of dating/courting most people in the Bible practiced is if a man were interested in another woman, he would approach he father and essentially buy her from him. Such is never something taught as the command of God, it was simply the culture of much of the ancient world, and still many cultures today.

Very good posts. Thanks for the replies. I guess my next question is are there any scriptures that promote a certain way of finding a mate? Dating vs courtship? I know for sure that both must be in the faith. But is there more?

wrote:"I think one major downside of Josh Harris's books are what he says on hugging and kissing, and in general, showing affection. He almost comes across as saying that there should be as little emotion and affection shown in these "courtships" as possible, because if the relationship doesn't work out, then you will protect your girlfriend from being seriously hurt and having to recover from a painful breakup.""Also, there is nothing wrong with kissing, even deeply, before marriage. Not all arousal and passion is lust. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not advocating inappropriate touching. Mere physical attraction is a form of arousal, only differing in degree. As is romantic feelings. Holding hands, hugging, and kissing are simply forms of this. Such is one topic I don't think Josh Harris handles too well. One crosses the line from arousal to lust only when one starts imagining what that person you are deeply attracted to would look like naked."My opinion in the above view is this, "Yes, there is nothing wrong in simple kissing, holding hands, hugging and even watching movies together (what happens in the cinema is another thing) [font=Arial]BUT WHY PUT YOURSELF IN A PLACE WHERE YOU COULD FALL."[/font]Let's be honest, male have a different hormones... you know what I mean. Webster defines courtship - "to seek the affections of; especially : to seek to win a pledge of marriage from" Such a high standard the "world" defines courtship; [font=Arial]should we not have a higher standard than the world?[/font]This calls for maturity, strength in God & patience, it is best that you hear from God who is the life partner (if He have one) He prepared for you. This will spare anyone from emotional rollercoaster of hurts & pains; ups & downs.I would suggest that any B&G relationship should be committed to God in words, heart, soul & spirit. Meaning, speak it out before God committing that relationship to Him.If I may put it this way "Submit to God, resist the devil (temptation), then, it will flee."How I wish I was a mature & strong Christian before I went to B&G relationship:oops:. It's too late now, I am married :-).In Christ,Roman

My opinion in the above view is this, "Yes, there is nothing wrong in simple kissing, holding hands, hugging and even watching movies together (what happens in the cinema is another thing) BUT WHY PUT YOURSELF IN A PLACE WHERE YOU COULD FALL."Harris brings this up too. It's something to seriously consider. However, I believe if both the guy and girl are truly commited Christians, who have purposed in their own hearts not to defile themselves, then it's not really an issue. Such was the case of Christ when the HolY Spirit drove Him into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. In the case of my girlfriend and I, we are both deeply commited Christians who strive as ministers of the gospel to live a life above reproach in the sight of God and man. We both know that even should the other one decide they want to give into temptation and take things further than hugs & kisses, then the other person would very likely stop the advance. The Holy Spirit has spoken to us both on what is acceptable and not acceptable in our relationship. We love God and eachother enough to know that things such as sex would only hurt the relationship we are in, not help it. This calls for maturity, strength in God & patience, it is best that you hear from God who is the life partner (if He have one) He prepared for you. This will spare anyone from emotional rollercoaster of hurts & pains; ups & downs.Indeed. My girlfriend and I both diligently sought the face of God concerning eachother when she had a crush on me, and I on her. It was only after having prayed for a month or so before I finally asked her out, and even then it was only as friends until after another month of prayer, we decided to become a couple. The intent behind the entire relationship has been to look into the possibility of marriage one day, something that looks like it very well may happen. We both believe that we are in this relationship together by the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Highschool is a hard time for most... I personally don't think there's anything wrong with asking a pretty young Christian Female to go to the prom with you and have no intention to marry her but still try to kiss her. Sorry, but God gave us feelings and emotions for a reason. I'm 20 and married a year in August. There have been some struggles but my wife and I where both Virgins and I honestly didn't fall in love with her overnight. I dated her, well to be honest... just to date. We where engaged and again just to be honest while we where engaged I didn't think of our wedding night and wonder how nice the flowers would at where we stay... NO! I was thinking about what usually happens on Wedding nights. This was who I was engaged to though so was I in the wrong? I don't believe so... had I allowed that to control me to the point of trying to make that happen before it would have been honored by God than yes it would be evil. Again, a life that is God honoring will survive the troubles of youth, adulthood, senior years... any troubles that a child of God goes through, He will be their strength and comfort. Remember, God has a sense of humor and he laughs with us when we remember the times we got that date to pizza hut and the local theatre turned down in our faces :lol:God bless you all! Have fun with this topic! I love you all.

Preacher,I have been thinking about your question: courtship vs dating. A lot has been written on this, or maybe it hasn't. Josh Harris wrote the book "Why I kissed Dating Good-by" which is a wonderful book, IMHO. One time we had a visiting minister tell us how a young man wanted a wife and told him so, asking the ministers assistance in finding one for him. He went into detail how this was done. And it worked! Personally, I love this idea: asking a trust minister - one that gets around a lot - for assistance. He meets a lot of people and he could be on the alert for someone suitable. Much prayer must go into this in order for it to be successful. I must say this couple did meet to become acquainted and decided they were suitable for each other. This minister has matched a number of couples and they married.Preach, I am going to post a testimony - Finding a Wife for Matthew - on a separate thread of how the LORD found a wife for our SIL. It is a testimony of the goodness of God. I trust others will be blessed like we were.God bless you, young man. He is interested in you and will not leave you dangling. Trust Him.ginnyrose

I've just been reading through the thread and thought I'd add a little to it.I'm suprised how many people don't 'see' anything wrong with kissing someone who isn't or won't be your wife. In another thread an older brother posted the question "who's wife were you just holding hands with?" and thats a very valid question. I think that the excuse 'we all have emotions and feelings' is a little shaky ground to stand on when its anothers feelings and purity that we are to consider.Parsley quoted a verse from Timothy at the beginning of the thread on treating younger women as sisters, if we were to truely apply this verse to courtships I wonder how differently we would do things?To be honest, my views on this have changed over the past few years, I used to see nothing wrong with a hug or a kiss here and there, but as you come to see how little things creep in and hinder your walk with the Lord.............King Jimmy I'm glad that you and your girlfriend are walking in the Lord in your relationship, keep puttting him first in all things.One thing that kept crossing my mind when reading the thread was a quote by Winkie Pratney "Once a fuse is lit its only a matter of time".Lyndon

Just a question: Why would a God whose character is one of fidelity and stability support such fickle and transitory pleasures like dating? It is in this mode of thought that causes me to question Christian backing of something that supports just enlightenment of the senses with little commitment.Ex: Johny likes Jane, Johny dates Jane, Johny kisses Jane, Johny meets Susanne, Johny dumps Jane.This cycle sounds like a step down from "preferring one another in honor" (Rom. 12:10) to satifsying, not mortifying, the "inordinate affections" (excessive lusts) mentioned in Colossians 3:5. What would be excessive about them? The mere fact that feelings are placed in higher estate to companionship and commitment.Also, it sounds more like pleasure without responsibility. Yet, I know that they say they make sure they won't have sex or anything like that, but isn't that like saying, "I won't enter an inferno, so I'll just play with matches"?Ultimately, though, we should be displayers of the divine nature, as well as partakers thereof. It strikes me that it is culture, not scripture, that obsesses over that exhilirating first kiss, and constantly uses two people consuming each others tonsils to symbolize love. Yet, like in grammar, they misplace this modifier. As sensual ecstasy is not the summation of any relationship (or ought not be), it should be placed secondary to fellowship (spending time with that person/ building up an understanding and enjoyment of their character and personality), as it fades and is only there as an added, temporary blessing. Also, would we condone men making out with their mothers of sisters? If one would, I'd question their comprehension of Paul's exhortation to Timothy and the soundness of their conscience. Likewise, I think it best that we hold a high standard in order to sustain "all purity" (1 Tim. 5:2) and respect not only with our fellow sisters, but with those that are without. For, if the church is as "an open door" (Song of Sol. 8:9), who will be there to stand against the flood of sensuality?

Just a question: Why would a God whose character is one of fidelity and stability support such fickle and transitory pleasures like dating? It is in this mode of thought that causes me to question Christian backing of something that supports just enlightenment of the senses with little commitment.Ex: Johny likes Jane, Johny dates Jane, Johny kisses Jane, Johny meets Susanne, Johny dumps Jane.This cycle sounds like a step down from "preferring one another in honor" (Rom. 12:10) to satifsying, not mortifying, the "inordinate affections" (excessive lusts) mentioned in Colossians 3:5. What would be excessive about them? The mere fact that feelings are placed in higher estate to companionship and commitment.Also, it sounds more like pleasure without responsibility. Yet, I know that they say they make sure they won't have sex or anything like that, but isn't that like saying, "I won't enter an inferno, so I'll just play with matches"?Ultimately, though, we should be displayers of the divine nature, as well as partakers thereof. It strikes me that it is culture, not scripture, that obsesses over that exhilirating first kiss, and constantly uses two people consuming each others tonsils to symbolize love. Yet, like in grammar, they misplace this modifier. As sensual ecstasy is not the summation of any relationship (or ought not be), it should be placed secondary to fellowship (spending time with that person/ building up an understanding and enjoyment of their character and personality), as it fades and is only there as an added, temporary blessing. Also, would we condone men making out with their mothers or sisters? If one would, I'd question their comprehension of Paul's exhortation to Timothy and the soundness of their conscience. Likewise, I think it best that we hold a high standard in order to sustain "all purity" (1 Tim. 5:2) and respect not only with our fellow sisters, but with those that are without. For, if the church is as "an open door" (Song of Sol. 8:9), who will be there to stand against the flood of sensuality?

I'm just curious about everyone who has posted in this thread. How old are you? Are you single? Courting/Dating anyone? I'm 21. Single and no. I'm just wondering from what background the your line of thought is coming from.

Hi JoshI'm 21. Single, and currently involved in a courtship.Lyndon

I ran across this article and thought it was awesome. A Christian Testimony of Dating and Marriage

Well, I'm 16 and single. If anything, I'd be quick to admit that my father's infidelity to my mother (and subsequently us) taught me to cherish the precious treasure of relationships, esp. between husband and wife (Well, that it is something fragile and needed to be protected with the utmost of prayer and care). So, experience and the Word have been twin engines in my hard stance toward dating, as well as watching the torture of other friends in their pursuit of pleasure through temporal romance on the school scene.