A question from a mother to godly men

I am just asking for advice. I do not mean to bring up a lot of controversy about pacifism, etc. I am just a mom trying to make the right, godly decision for my son and need some guidance.

I have a teenage son of 19 who has become very interested in sword fighting and ancient warfare. He has been gifted some wooden versions of Japanese swords (sorry I can never remember the names of the swords) and he has been practicing with them. He has also engineered a spear of sorts to practice spear fighting.

As part of his learning, he has watched others on YouTube as well as video games that have ancient warfare.

I am disturbed by some of this. I know he is a man, and as such there is a natural inclination to this sort of thing that I do not have. But he was describing to me last night how spear fighting is actually more efficient than sword fighting, and all the reasons why, how with a spear you have more control of distance, but you can still jab and poke and cause damage, etc.

It disturbed me that he was describing the killing of a human being. After all, that is what this is all about.

It disturbs me that he is watching ancient warfare where there are depictions of people being killed (some of them are graphic, and some are not).

I am ready to disallow it and even to stop the sword fighting, etc. but I do not want to overreact.

Am I disturbed because I am a woman? My thought is that Jesus would not be happy if he walked in on my son and he was practicing or watching these things. Am I wrong?

As a little bit of background, his father (now deceased) was at one point into martial arts, and he was excellent. He was not violent with others; it was just practice. However, as he walked more with the Lord he felt that since God hates violence, he needed to give up practicing, which he did.

Thank you in advance for all your comments.

Interesting topic- I have a 7 year old grandson who I know would be interested in such a thing if he was old enough. I don't think he has even heard of it but if he did I know he would like it- just the way he is wired.

Does your son say why he is interested in it?

Would you feel the same or different about archery or target shooting?

Is he a hunter?

People who practice martial arts generally don't go out and beat people up or slice people with samurai swords.

I want to be very careful about replying, because this situation seems really touchy.

My advice to you is this: sit down with him and just examine his motives. Ask him why it is interesting and what he plans to use these skills for. If his motives are not evil, but he is just merely interested in this stuff then it will be much easier to redirect. There is something deep down that he's trying to fill, and it is honestly, probably a sense of purpose and a sense of skillfulness that most men crave.

If the motives are evil, then that's an entirely different story. I don't suspect this here, as young men with not much to do are often prone to becoming obsessive over stuff like this.

You definitely need more advice than I am giving, but maybe that is a starting place.

Greetings to you,

You are blessed! May your children rise up and call you so!

You write (among other things),

"Am I disturbed because I am a woman?"

Absolutely NOT! I am disturbed, because I am a man!

As his mother, you can pray for him and give him the counsel of God's Word. In love and grace tell him your concerns, and that you have brought this to the Throne of Grace. And that God has impressed upon you that this is displeasing to Him.

For how could it be otherwise, the One Who has said Thou shalt not commit murder, has also said, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, MIND, soul and strength.

How can one engage their mind, recreationally, in that which God hates when He has commanded us to love Him and our neighbor who is created in His image.

We've got to cast down those popular meaningless phrases as, "boys will be boys". NO!...Boys become men, and need to become men. Don't be fooled! In God's eyes, this you describe is not making him a man.

If possible, prayerfully consider and ask that God would send men of God into his life. Boys don't need other boys, they need men. Men can help boys become men.

I realize that men of God are few and can't readily be found in every church. But God does have some men of a different spirit, the likes of Joshua and Caleb.

May God bless you and your son abundantly!

Do not fear...PRAY!

Do not grow weary in well doing!

Do not give up...BE ENCOURAGED!

Now go...in the strength of the Lord your God!

May God be with you!

Sweet sister,

Firstly, your heart for not only your son but also the Lord is evident in this post and you do well to seek support from other saints, so be encouraged that the Lord has a humble heart in you with which He can work not only reaching your son but others also:)

It seems you’ve already received some solid advice and tho I tend towards Havok and TMK, I can also agree (in part) with Savannah in that you should pray and allow the Lord to lead you:)

Having said that, it does sound as tho your son is seeking to find a connection to his dad which is a good and healthy thing, especially considering how you speak of his father. Sounds like someone I’d love to be friends with:)

Something I might add is, listen to your son in things he’s enthusiastic about and share with him stories about the virtuous qualities of his dad. Tell him, encouragingly, the ways he reminds you of his dad. In doing so you will find your son will be more likely to open up to you and a deeper relationship could result. Often times you’ll have opportunities to share Jesus with him at a time when he is receptive and open to you because you listen to him and seemed interested.

As a father of 6 boys, I can tell you that some of mine are very interested in such things where others are not, some like musical instruments, some sports, some art, etc.... however I do have one (first born) Asa, who sounds very similar in that he is very intelligent, strong engineering capacity, with an almost obsessive affinity for swords and such. So in that I can share your concerns, however I’ve found that (personally) to present opportunities to teach him all while encouraging the aspects of training that will benefit him in the Lord. Discipline, patience, commitment, self-control, etc...
Also I’ve noticed with him more so than all the others except one, he has a strong desire to "impress” me with his knowledge and abilities. There were seasons I didn’t realize this and we struggled relationally and he shriveled, shrinking back from a perceived disapproval. However I finally headed my wife’s advice and began "meeting him where he was at”, engaging him in the things that interested him without showing disapproval then he began to respond favorably to my discipline and instruction. Currently we have a healthy relationship and he has already begun moving away from the weaponry and more to the engineering or modification of things. So perhaps it is with your son, maybe this is just a "season” in his life and he’ll move on to other things once he’s exhausted this one.

Hope that helps and sorry for rambling:/

I want to thank all of you who answered my request. Thank you for the love and the concern and for caring.

My son has always been a godly boy. When his father passed away 5 years ago he was just 14, and it hit him very hard, but he pressed into Christ. At first, he was trying to find his way and so I think he went too far; he shunned anything that would seem to be fun, even just telling a joke (and he is a funny guy, so I missed that). He eventually began to be more secure and has relaxed a bit, and also stopped being so judgmental of others sins.

I have never been concerned about his intentions with the sword fighting. It is innocent, in his mind. But I am concerned about what it CAN become. I am also well-aware of the demonic side of martial arts, which is why I have not allowed him to pursue that.

He lives in a home full of girls, and I am sure that is not fun for him. There are unfortunately no male role models in his life right now; I pray that will change. I know that he needs a man to teach him many things I cannot- but he does have Christ.

Again, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and concerns with me.

Natalie

Natalie,

I have been thinking about this post - your question - ever since I read it the other day. I also share your concern....

I got to thinking about your son's fascination with swords and the skils inherent in the welding of them as required in fighting and winning. Is it possible to channel this skill into something useful? If I recall you live in Florida, and Florida is known to have some invasive species of life forms that are deadly, like pythons. Perhaps he could use his skills to kill these guys? Don't know what the procedures are to get engaged in this work but think they might welcome someone who would be skilled and unafraid of tackling this job.

Wishing you the best knowing you have a difficult task raising your children alone...but God does love to be a husband to the widow and a father to the fatherless...

Sandra

Faith and more faith, prayer and more prayer. This is what we do with uncertainties. Life is dynamic it keeps on transforming.

At one point, I was fascinated too with guns and began burning my head about shooting and gun combat. My father-in-law was a high ranking uniformed officer which gave me access to training and shooting range.

My gun is always nearby and I would imagine myself in a close quarter combat if someone will intrude dangerously.
having special bullets for this situation.

Years later, I still have a gun but it just lay there in a case. I came into stronger realization that the lord God is my security, His might is a wall that surrounds me.

One thing that I hope, I will be an example to my family is calmness and trust in God, even in the most irritating and
worrisome situations, and to look in life longitudinally in the light of God's grace.