Do we deserve to be loved?

A rather strange question... but have you ever wondered: Do we deserve to be loved by other people? I know that we do not deserve the love of God and God loves us, because He Himself is Love. But... Is it right to demand or expect from others (primarily believers to love you)? Do we deserve it? I know that we are commanded to love others, parents must love their children, husbands their wives and vice versa. But I am talking primarily about love between believers.

We are commanded to love the brethren.

So every Christian is expected to love every other Christian.

I can only control what I do and that is what I will answer for. When I get in the mindset of expecting someone else to do something or thinking I deserve something I am headed for trouble.

I must refuse to be offended.

A great question! I believe that every human being deserves to be loved (respected and valued) because every person is made in the image of God. This applies to "bad" people too.

If we believe we do not deserve to be loved, we deny the value God places on us. This is not humility, but a self-destructive belief about ourselves. In truth, it's depending on our own righteousness to measure our value.

In our fallen world, we are often mistreated and disrespected - and that is a sin against God and ourselves. If we cannot declare it a sin, then there is nothing to forgive. Forgiveness requires a judgment, and a clear belief that any failure to love is a sin. (Here's where we are far too permissive! We overlook what should be labeled as sin.)

Scripture warns us that we will be persecuted and mistreated because of our faith. It is indeed undeserved, but that is why we are called to live forgivingly - with mercy.

We cannot and must not use control or coercion or guilt trips to "make" people be "loving". But we can with all humility say: "Because I am a person of self respect (made in the image of God), I will not engage in a situation where I am treated disrepectfully and condescendingly." And then extricate ourselves if our caution is ignored.

Does that seem reasonable?
Diane

@Todd - "I must refuse to be offended"

You know when offence comes in? When you had expectation on someone, and he does not meet them, while I am thinking that what I desire, is my right to receive. That is why I asked, do we DESERVE to be loved. "DESERVE" has in itself the sense of right,,I've earned that, I have to have it. For example if you work,you deserve your salary. But is it so with love? And then if I don't deserve, if I have not "earned" the love of others, why should I be offended when I kind of realize that people don't love me (or at least feel like that)? (Again I am speaking of believers)

You may well say, all Christians should love one another? But then what is the real expression of that?

The question popped up in my mind, after I read 1 Corinthians 13. In German it says "die Liebe ... lässt sich nicht erbittern" (=love ... does not let herself become bitter"), translated in KJV "charity... is not easily provoked".
And I thought, "how hard it is sometimes to love those, who do not meet all the conditions". To love without expecting anything in return?...

@Diane - I get your logic, but I guess nobody would usually come up and say -"You know what, I just want you to love me because I am a child of God" (speaking among believers).

And even if you said that, you cannot force anybody to love you. Then comes perhaps also the issue that what we understand as "brotherly love" is different? Perhaps for one is to ask "How are you doing?" and for other to be interested in one's spiritual welfare?

That is why I asked, do we DESERVE to be loved.

"DESERVE" has in itself the sense of right,,I've earned that, I have to have it.

Consider these two possible answers to the opening question:

1. Yes. Every person is deserving of love.
Criteria: made in image of God.

or

2. No. No person is deserving of love.
Criteria: their works fall short.

It all depends on how one defines "deserve" and "love" in their minds.

"Entitlement" is another matter. It's narcissism: I deserve the world to treat me as god - because that's who I am. (Genesis 3:5) Narcissists don't want true love, they want to be worshipped. Wouldn't you agree?

Jezebel's daughter Athaliah;

For the sons of Athaliah, that wicked woman, had broken into the house of God, and had also used all the dedicated things of the house of the LORD for the Baals. 2 Chronicles 24:7

That wicked woman; Hebrew, הַמִּרְשַׁעַת; fem. noun, derivative of רַשַׁע; meaning strictly in the abstract, "the wickedness," equal to that incarnation of wickedness. Pulpit Commentary

At the time of her deposition, Athaliah was resident in the royal palace. When roused to a sense of danger by the acclamations which greeted the coronation ceremony, she made an attempt to stay the revolt by rushing into the temple court, alone; her guards, according to Josephus, having been prevented from following her (Ant., IX, vii, 3). A glance sufficed. It showed her the lad standing on a raised platform before the temple, holding the Book of the Law in his hand, and with the crown upon his brow. Rending her robe and shouting, "Treason! Treason!" she fled. Some were for cutting her down as she did so, but this was objected to as defiling the temple with human blood. She was, therefore, allowed to reach the door of the palace in flight. Here she fell, smitten by the avenging guards. Bible Encyclopedia

2 Kings 9:30-37

When Jehu came to Jezreel, Jezebel heard of it. And she painted her eyes and adorned her head and looked out of the window. And as Jehu entered the gate, she said, "Is it peace, you Zimri, murderer of your master?” And he lifted up his face to the window and said, "Who is on my side? Who?” Two or three eunuchs looked out at him. He said, "Throw her down.” So they threw her down. And some of her blood spattered on the wall and on the horses, and they trampled on her. Then he went in and ate and drank. And he said, "See now to this cursed woman and bury her, for she is a king’s daughter.” But when they went to bury her, they found no more of her than the skull and the feet and the palms of her hands. When they came back and told him, he said, "This is the word of the LORD, which he spoke by his servant Elijah the Tishbite: ‘In the territory of Jezreel the dogs shall eat the flesh of Jezebel, and the corpse of Jezebel shall be as dung on the face of the field in the territory of Jezreel, so that no one can say, This is Jezebel.’”

Jehu and the eunuchs must not have had that revelation that Jezebel deserved to be loved. Or maybe it could be said that they loved her to death.

Judges 4:17-22

But Sisera fled away on foot to the tent of Jael, the wife of Heber the Kenite, for there was peace between Jabin the king of Hazor and the house of Heber the Kenite. And Jael came out to meet Sisera and said to him, "Turn aside, my lord; turn aside to me; do not be afraid.” So he turned aside to her into the tent, and she covered him with a rug. And he said to her, "Please give me a little water to drink, for I am thirsty.” So she opened a skin of milk and gave him a drink and covered him. And he said to her, "Stand at the opening of the tent, and if any man comes and asks you, ‘Is anyone here?’ say, ‘No.’” But Jael the wife of Heber took a tent peg, and took a hammer in her hand. Then she went softly to him and drove the peg into his temple until it went down into the ground while he was lying fast asleep from weariness. So he died. And behold, as Barak was pursuing Sisera, Jael went out to meet him and said to him, "Come, and I will show you the man whom you are seeking.” So he went in to her tent, and there lay Sisera dead, with the tent peg in his temple.

Jael is yet another example of one lacking that revelation. Apparently she forgot that Sisera deserved to be loved. But again, one might say she loved him to death.

Or maybe they just had a different way of expressing their love for other human beings, knowing all the while that they had value and deserved to be loved.

Just pondering...

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2 Chronicles 19:2

The prophet Jehu son of Hanani went out to meet him and said to the king, "Should you help the wicked and love those who hate the LORD? Because of this, the wrath of the LORD is on you.

Maybe a better question might be, do we deserve anything?

Through Christ, we have been reconciled to God. This means that we have been ushered back into the destiny and identity that He desired all along for us to have. We are now in Him. We are a new creature, born of the Spirit of God. We are to shine forth His image and His glory in this world.

This means that rather than needing love, we are in Him, He is love, and we have now, through Him, become love. So to me, perhaps the question should be rewritten. To me it is not so much about whether I deserve love from other. Because I am now in love, and because I bear His image, I should become love. I receive love from Him, so I give love to others. I don't worry about receiving love from others, I already have that from Him.

Hope that makes sense.

Love is not something we deserve and we have to be very careful that we don't do anything in God's Kingdom because we want to "earn" or "deserve" something .

May I suggest that "earn" and "deserve" are not synonymous?

I am reminded of a court case I witnessed where the accused was guilty of murder. The crown attorney, who represented the victim, treated the man with respect and dignity, even while proving his guilt.

The accused earned the judgment, but he deserved the respectful treatment because he was a fellow human being. This lawyer distinguished between earn and deserve - and I believe that applies to us all.

We are easily tempted to treat others according to what we believe they deserve. That has been the root of horrendous evils among the people of God. ... so this is a worthy topic to consider, I'd say.

Deuteronomy 13:6-11

"If your brother, the son of your mother, or your son or your daughter or the wife you embrace or your friend who is as your own soul entices you secretly, saying, ‘Let us go and serve other gods,’ which neither you nor your fathers have known, some of the gods of the peoples who are around you, whether near you or far off from you, from the one end of the earth to the other, you shall not yield to him or listen to him, nor shall your eye pity him, nor shall you spare him, nor shall you conceal him. But you shall kill him. Your hand shall be first against him to put him to death, and afterward the hand of all the people. You shall stone him to death with stones, because he sought to draw you away from the LORD your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. And all Israel shall hear and fear and never again do any such wickedness as this among you.

I sure am glad we've seen the light in our day.

Either they were unaware of the value of each family member, or the value of human beings have increased over the years rather than being of less worth.

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Deuteronomy 13:12-15

"If you hear in one of your cities, which the LORD your God is giving you to dwell there, that certain worthless fellows have gone out among you and have drawn away the inhabitants of their city, saying, ‘Let us go and serve other gods,’ which you have not known, then you shall inquire and make search and ask diligently. And behold, if it be true and certain that such an abomination has been done among you, you shall surely put the inhabitants of that city to the sword, devoting it to destruction,c all who are in it and its cattle, with the edge of the sword.

Apparently there were some fellows back in the day who had no value, but were worthless fellows.

Apparently there were some fellows back in the day who had no value, but were worthless fellows.

Here’s a question about "value”: Is a diamond worth more than a grain of sand… or a glass of water? How is value established? By whom?

Humans aren’t worth much, as far as chemical composition.
What gives any human value or worth? What they do, right? .... Wrong.

It’s been established that our value is not based on righteousness. So it’s a contradiction then to suggest that this applies only to good people.

Surely, human value is established through our Creator. It’s extrinsically determined, not intrinsically That applies to every human being on the face of the earth ”“ including the unborn.

A question: is divine judgment the opposite of love? Or is it the outworking of love?

Our value/worth is in Christ alone!

Outside of Christ we see the worth of all flesh. The flood is a summary example from the past. The lake of fire is the summary example in conclusion.

And, "God is love", as the testimony of Scripture proclaims.
His love is for those in Christ alone. His wrath abides upon everyone who is not in Christ, and will culminate in His judgment and justice when they're cast into the lake of fire.

He alone gives worth and shows of what value one or another is. And the one has value for fuel for the fire, and the other has been made valuable by putting him in Christ and redeeming him.

The wood I threw in the fire had value to me, as it is keeping my family warm this winter. And the tree in my front yard also has value, as it gives my family shade in the summer.

The Word of God and experience itself bears these truths out unmistakably.

Psychology and the Bible are a bad mixture. Humanists and atheists like Hitchens and Dawkins are well versed psychologizers.

FYI - Hitchens is no longer an atheist.

Did not read the last two posts, but it seems to me that they drift off from what I initially asked

@savannah - With all respect and kindness, I do not really see your post as an answer to my question(s). You may have something in mind concerning the theme "love". But I think, you have perhaps not understood what I really wanted to ask.

For the others - will answer later today.

Esther

@Diane - I get your logic, but I guess nobody would usually come up and say -"You know what, I just want you to love me because I am a child of God" (speaking among believers).

… you cannot force anybody to love you. Then comes perhaps also the issue that what we understand as "brotherly love" is different? Perhaps for one is to ask "How are you doing?" and for other to be interested in one's spiritual welfare?

Esther,

I apologize for not directly answering your question.

You ask, "Is it right to demand or expect from others (primarily believers to love you)?"

As believers, we're told to owe no man anything, but to love one another. So, as a believer I owe all other believers that love spoken of.

So, if believers do not love one another, they must give an answer to God as to why not.

As true as it is, that a believer is to love another believer, and ought to do so, when I demand and/or expect it I may be setting myself up for disappointment. Because truth be told, believers often fall short of doing so.

And only the fact that I am a believer am I deserving of other believers love for me because God says that they are to do so. In and of myself I am not deserving.

Thanks for loving me!

Esther,

I did not read all the responses, but I have a question or two for you: why are you asking this question?

Second: what makes you think that God's creatures do not deserve to be loved by their creator?

Sandra

@Diane

Definiton of deserve: "Do something or have or show qualities worthy of (a reaction which rewards or punishes as appropriate)" - Oxford Dictionaries

So, I think that it has a sense of - I have certain qualities that make me worthy of this or that... Now, I earlier said, that I know, we do not deserve the Love of God but He loves us because He is Love (not because He is motivated by something He sees in us).

My question was generally about deserving the love of fellow-believers. And yea I know we are commanded to love each other! But actually the reason for loving other believer is the Father, because they are beloved not because they are as mature as you are, as rich (in deeds, in knowledge, with money), same nationality ... whatever.

And isn't it surprising what Jesus said? *John 13:34, 35
Have you ever thought what kind of love this must be, that the world would see Christ through it?!