Chapter 2 ”“ A Time to Learn
"God knows your address and phone number, Kayy. When He wants you, He’ll call you.” With these words, my pastor gently reminded me. It was June, 1953 and I was an insistent, demanding teenager.
But was I ever impatient. Why couldn’t Pastor Layzell understand that God was calling me to the Arctic? Had He not called me to the ministry even before I was born? Not until after I was saved and had renounced my burning ambition to be a lawyer, had mother told me of the vision she had seen almost as soon as she was aware that she had conceived me, her seventh child. Mother was a seeker after God, but not yet a true born-again believer. She had gone to the back yard and while lying on the grass, she lifted her heart to God.
"Oh, Lord,” she prayed, "let this last child be a minister, but not the ordinary kind of minister. Let him be one who challenges people.” As she opened her eyes, she looked up through the leaves of the trees and saw the form of a cross. From that moment on, mother firmly believed that God had heard and would answer her prayer. Then, when I was born ”“ a girl! ”“ mother’s heart sank. God had not granted her request, she thought, for whoever heard of a woman minister?
As I grew up on the Canadian prairie, mother’s doubts certainly appeared to be accurate. Stubborn and rebellious, with no interest in religion ”“ that was the Kayy mother saw. With older brothers and sisters doting and waiting on me, I had no need to talk. Consequently, I was over two years old before I burst out with a sentence. I commanded, "Iris, get dat ball!” My family has never let me forget that my first words were in the imperative form.
Right from the start there was a determined, independent streak that would stand me in good stead in my arctic life. When I was three-and-a-half, I announced that I was going to learn to read for myself. My older sister, Iris, became my accomplice. She would eavesdrop on the first grade lessons in the one-room school in northern Saskatchewan, then come home and teach me. Before the year was out I could write, add, subtract, and best of all, read those comics by myself! It was just at this time I announced I would be a lawyer and that was that.
Father died quite suddenly, when I was only nine, after suffering many years with diabetes. The rest of the children were grown, and I was left with my mother who had been afflicted soon after my birth with crippling multiple sclerosis. She and I became close as increasingly there was more that I had to do for her. I would shop for her, go to the bank, and pay the bills. These lessons would prove to be invaluable in the work God called me to do. At that time, however, I felt only rebellion against God. I would often find myself thinking, "Why do I have to be saddled with sick, old parents? Why couldn’t I have had a young mother and father like the other kids?”
Mother and I moved from the farm to the city of Prince Albert. One day, as we entered the Princes Café on Central Avenue, a young man stepped in front of us. Noticing mother’s crutches, he told us about a man of God, William Branham, who prayed for sick people. He explained that many were healed at his services. Mother’s eyes lit up. We had traveled constantly from doctor to doctor searching for help with her dread multiple sclerosis.
"Shall we go to Calgary to hear this man, Kayy?” mother asked.
The idea didn’t appeal to me at all. My father, the most generous of all men, was an agnostic. The goal he set before me in life was to get a good education, with good earning power. In Prince Albert, mother and I attended a Presbyterian church where I galloped through eight years of catechism in nine months and memorized reams of Scripture. This wasn’t because I was interested. I was simply highly competitive, with a drive to excel in everything I did.
By the time I was fourteen, I had decided my father was right ”“ there wasn’t anything of great value in religion. The more I learned, the more I was turned off. So I decided if I could get away from any church involvement without hurting my mother, I would do it. But now she was asking if I would go with her to the special healing meeting in Calgary. Although I wasn’t happy about it, I agreed to go.
I’ll never forget that evening ”“ 5,000 people who seemed to be actually enjoying their religion! Their singing especially fascinated me. It was joyful and alive, as if the people really knew and meant what they were singing about.
Then a little man stood up and in a very quiet, humble way told of God’s call on his life and of the gift of healing the Lord had given him. We were seated at the front in the area set aside for wheelchairs. A little boy, whose eyes were badly crossed, was brought up to the platform for prayer. With a heart obviously filled with love and tenderness, Brother Branham prayed a simple prayer of faith that must have shaken the sinners and saints alike. When the child turned again to face the congregation, his eyes were straight as could be.
Even though my mother was not healed, the boy’s miracle left a profound impression on this smart-aleck teenager. I had actually witnessed at close range the miraculous power of God. There was no denying it.
The next afternoon I was back again. The singing seemed even better, the whole place more vibrant with joy. When the evangelist preached, the words came through loud and clear. "Are you ready for eternity?” he thundered. I knew I wasn’t ready. As the altar call was given, a tremendous struggle within began to tear me apart. They sang the first verse of "Just As I Am.” Others were going forward, but I couldn’t. They sang the second, the third, the fourth and fifth stanzas. How I wanted to walk down that aisle, but I was glued to my place!
Then they sang the sixth stanza and a strange thing happened. An aunt who was not living for the Lord but happened to be in that meeting, tapped me on the shoulder. "Kayy, would you like to make things right? I’ll go with you to the altar,” she gently suggested. That was all I needed.
When I got to the altar, I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t know how to pray. The workers instructed me to simply invite Christ into my life, to ask Him to forgive my sins. I did this, then got up from my knees, not aware of any great change or experience.
But the next morning when I woke up, there was a desire in my heart that had never been there before. Without hesitating, I went to my mother and asked, "Mom, do we have a Bible?” When she gave me grandma’s old Bible, I grabbed it eagerly and began to read. For the first time, the Bible was more than just words. It had meaning to me and it possessed a message. I was flooded with a great joy, to think I could actually understand God’s Word a little! Closing the Bible, I turned to my mother:
"Mom, do you know what I want to do when I finish school?” I asked. She looked at me. "Kayy, from the time you were a little tot you said you wanted to be a lawyer.”
"No, mom,” I answered, "I want to be a preacher.”
And with that my mother burst into tears and told me the story of her prayer and vision before I was born. God "was” faithful. He was going to answer her prayers.
Mother too found Jesus Christ as her Savior during those meetings in Calgary, and together we were baptized in water the next week. We all had to testify, and afterwards several people said to mom, "That girl of yours is going to be a preacher one day.”
God now put it into my mother’s heart to make some wise decisions about our future. In Prince Albert, I had been accelerated two years in school and because I was so much smaller and younger I had assumed the role of daredevil in order to be accepted by the older group. The opposite sex was becoming very attractive and I was scheming how I could have a part in the exciting sexual escapades I’d heard the older kids talking about. Mother didn’t think we should return to Prince Albert and one da said, "Let’s find a new home in a new city for our new life in Christ.”
I came to sophisticated Vancouver as an awkward, self-conscious shrimp of a teenager, with a deep inferiority complex which had developed over the years. These feelings were caused mostly by my teeth ”“ or lack of them.
When I was four, Dad decided that two loose front teeth should go. "One dollar for each tooth, Kayy.” He said, fixing the pliers firmly on the first tooth. But those two teeth weren’t so loose. I refused to cry, put the two dollars under my pillow and sobbed myself to sleep with the pain. For the next four years I remained toothless, and the kids teased and razzed me mercilessly. Finally, the second teeth came in, but to my dismay, they stuck out. Buck teeth! I’d spend hours twisting my jaw this way and that, trying to improve my appearance.
So when the Vancouver dentist discovered that I had several cavities, I said, "No fillings. Pull out the whole works.” He was horrified. But that upper plate changed my whole personality.
Now it was fun to meet new friends. No more twisting or hiding my misshapen teeth. It was as if a tent had been lifted from me, and an outgoing Kayy had emerged.
I dashed through the last three years of high school with more interest in Christian work than high grades. Now that I wasn’t going into law, why struggle to win a scholarship? I know now that that was a mistake, an immature attitude.
I was headed straight for Bible school and the ministry. But Pastor Reg Layzell had other ideas. At Glad Tidings Temple, my mom and I had found a church home that suited us, a happy, joyful fellowship. Pastor Layzell became my father figure, a very strong man of God whom I deeply respected and loved. My brothers and sisters were shocked that I had abandoned my plans for law school. They may have resented the impact Pastor Layzell had on my life. My brother wryly remarked, "The gospel according to Kayy has at least three people in heaven: God on the throne, Jesus by His side, and Pastor Layzell next in command.”
A disciplinarian of high standards, our pastor demanded much from his young people. "Kayy, I don’t want you to go to Bible school. I believe you should get a job, rub shoulders with the world, and study at night.” Thus he punctured my dream of breezing through Bible school. He firmly believed that Bible training should be done in the local church, coupled with Christian work experience. Then, as the person proved his ministry, he could be set aside for full-time work in the call of God.
Such a long process didn’t appeal to me, but I finally agreed. "All right, Lord, if this is your will I’ll go by the pastor’s advice.” I registered in our evening Bible college program, and found a job as a dental assistant with the city of Vancouver. The job paid well, with many fringe benefits. Days were boring and drab, but evenings and weekends were what I lived for.
A preacher friend, Violet Kiteley, took me under her wing for skid row mission work. The men called Violet "Dynamite,” and I was "Little Dynamite.” It was good experience for a would-be preacher to learn to take rebuff, to learn how to keep people from falling asleep, to see how the other side of the world lives, to learn to appreciate the problems, fears, and joys of others. There were street meetings, and these were a great training ground for learning how to lift up one’s voice like a trumpet and preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. I was just
I was just eighteen when Dorothy Williams, an accomplished Bible teacher, felt it on her heart to start a work in the town of Abbotsford, a town some forty miles southeast of Vancouver near the U.S. border. To my surprise, she invited me to join her in this new branch church. What a challenge! Twice a week, after working in the dental office all day, I’d drive with Dorothy the hour-and-a-half out to Abbotsford. The Odd Fellows’ Hall was the only place available, and many people felt we were very odd indeed as we pioneered in that city with the message of revival, praise, and the moving of God’s Spirit. We knocked on doors, gave out pamphlets, and shouted over loudspeakers, advertising the meetings. Our theme song was, "There’s Revival in the Air Today.”
But still, in all this busy challenging life of working, studying and ministering, I felt a vacuum deep inside. What was my purpose in life? What contribution could I make to humanity? Oh, just to find the perfect will of God! The future seemed so hazy. Why couldn’t I share the same interests as my peers? Most of my friends were interested in their jobs, their future education, their boyfriends, hoping to find a husband and start a Christian home. But for me? Why did I have this strange compelling drive, a desire that burned like a fire to accomplish something for God?
At times I felt so restless and frustrated. "Why? Why, Lord?” A thousand times the question arose. What was it all about? It seemed as if I was just racing my motor and spinning my wheels working as a dental assistant and co-pastoring a small work at Abbotsford. Was this the only contribution that God wanted me to make?
Why was God so silent? Didn’t He realize I had abandoned my lifelong dream of becoming a lawyer, hoping to become a preacher? Actually, I thought I was doing Him a great service by dedicating my life to His work. No wonder the Lord couldn’t speak further to me; my priorities were so topsy-turvy.
How I would chafe inwardly when Pastor Layzell would expound repeatedly about the devastating effects that pride and selfish ambition brought to our lives. How it would sting! Proud, yes. Ambitious, yes.
"But is it so wrong to be ambitious, Lord? Oh, God, help me, break me, make me,” was my continual prayer.