The Lord is digging in me right now as if to lay the axe to the root yet I know that His skillful hands that are digging are loving and compassionate hands and He knows what He is doing. It just hurts at times. There is a yet unnamed spiritual "thing" and hindrance that has followed me for years and I finally am trying to get to the root of it and lay it open by faith. It keeps manifesting and can be avoided no more. Whatever it is, it brings a type of mental confusion and fear of rejection and lack of clarity and focus in everyday practical matters and I am powerless against it partly because it has been with me so long it is like breathing air every day. You do it and live it without even thinking about it. It's just there. I discovered some very interesting family history not long ago and it seems there is a family tendency in my grandmother and father to some degree to overly go in this direction. When it goes off in me it negatively affects others around me in daily work life and elsewhere. I just don't know what it is or what to call it or where it came from. I just know it affects me in a spiritually and mentally negative way. I don't want to keep on talking lest you come under it, whatever it is. The heavy digging of the Lord can also cause heavy personal pain at times. Maybe it has to do with past rejection and me unconsciously trying to find ways to compensate. I don't really know the answer yet. I'm not to the bottom line of it all yet. I'm not seeking to be healed by psychology but by the Spirit of the Father. Just pray for me a bit if you would. It's times like these you realize you need others. It's a humbling delight to realize this.
I apologize again to anyone or everyone I may have ever offended on this forum. Especially in the area of eschatology which is one of my favorites subjects.
Blessings to you good folks.