What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. (ESV)
It has become very obvious to me and hopefully to you that the level of strife and conflict between people is escalating off the charts and everywhere right now. In the world, in the country, in the church, and in the homes. So many people are in conflict with each other.
At its root, the conflicts are over strongly held passions and desires held by different people that are at war with each other. The conflicts are evidenced and played out by each person seeking to control the other person because they aren't getting what they strongly want or desire. To obtain what they desire, people are seeking to control those people that they view as standing in the way of what they want and desire. Control is the key. If I can control the other person, then I can get what I want or think I'm entitled to. We spend much of our worldly lives trying to get control of those things and people who can either provide what we desire or who are standing in the way of what we desire.
Control of life is the key to getting what you want out of life. Control is gained through manipulation, deceit, grabs for power, complaining, criticism, gossip, slander, fighting, personal attacks, and finally though violence, be it physical, emotional or verbal.
Self love always seeks to control its environment. Self love that is not in control will always simmer in resentment that grows into an internal rage. Self love almost always dresses itself up in moral superiority, or in arguments of unfairness, injustice or entitlement. Self love always justifies itself in the rightness of its methods in order to achieve its perceived morally good results.
Self love always justifies the means it uses to satisfy its desires because it views its ends as entirely noble. However, God has just as much concern for the means as the ends in any situation. But more importantly, God is not deceived. At the root of almost all conflict is self love. We aren't getting what we want and we will try to be civil and patient for a while, but if that isn't effective to get what we want, then out of moral indignation or perceived injustice, the hammer will come out to gain control of the situation to ensure that we do get what we want. You see this in politics, in the business environment, in the media, in the legal environment, in churches and in homes. Happens all the time, however, today, this has become a far pervasive and rampant problem. In the last days, God warns that people will be especially lovers of self. The difficulty is that it is sometimes difficult to discern because it is always disguised in moral righteousness and moral indignation.
When you or I get involved in a personal conflict, we must all get off our high horse and discern, where is the self love rising up in this conflict ? It's always there. We all do it. But know this for sure, conflict is the symptom, not the problem. The problem is self love and the passion of self to get what it wants even if it has to run over some people to get it.
It started with Adam and Eve but we see the violence of it with Cain and Abel. We kill each other with anger, personal attacks and strife. Then, to make it all so very ugly, we justify ourselves and our desire to control our life through evil means. If you think this doesn't apply to you, stop in the middle of the next argument at home and break it down. Invariably, at the root is a desire of self to get control of the situation so that it can get what it wants. Self love is the root of all strife. I'm not addressing legitimate disagreements here but rather dealing with disagreements that escalate into the kind of strife and conflict marked with personal attacks, mockery and self righteousness.