Todd: This may sound strange to some, but when I try by my own efforts to fix my problems and become more Christlike, I actually strengthen sin in my life. It is right there in Romans 7..How can I obtain spiritual deliverance and success by efforts of my own mind and flesh. Fleshly effort yields fleshly fruit. I must come to the end of myself and my own effort.
I tried to overcome fear of man and a history of past rejection that left my heart wounded and hard. I never had success. But when I finally realized I could never by my efforts fix the issue, and when I completely surrendered it to the Lord, He gave me a revelation of His love that caused all desire for human approval to disappear. I knew intellectually all about His love and I could have explained it to you Biblically, but I had never experienced it in a way that it transformed my heart.
I have found, in the past, my identity in so many things. I found my identity in my own intellect. I found my identity in my ability to work very hard physically. I found my identity in my ability to understand scripture. I needed others to give me props and so I found my identity in those props. I also found, in a negative sense, my identity in the teasing and rejections of the past. I found my identity in my in ability to be a good social butterfly (I always felt like I did not truly understand social situation well [although I know now this was a lie from the enemy]). I found identity in the mistakes and sins of the past. When things got difficult my wife says I would always return to these negative things as I talked to her.
I had to surrender my own efforts to deal with these things to Him. I had to die to my own sense of identity, my own sense of pride, my own sense of accomplishment and failure, my own opinions.
We always want something practical that we can do, and I am not sure brother if I can explain it that way. I know what it looks like for me, but others are not me. I can tell you that I have dealt with many others that struggled over the same thing. Let me give you one instance.
A lady came to our church. She had been a song leader and sang lots of "special songs" in her old church. She had always done this, her entire life, and now she was late 50's. Her identity was totally wrapped up in what she could do for God rather than in God Himself and His relationship with her.
I prayed with, counseled with this lady many times. She actually cried as she told me that it seemed like I had something that was outside of her grasp. But she could not imagine a life of joy and fulfillment in Christ apart from her talents being used in a church. So, when the opportunity came from another church for her to sing regularly she disappeared. She could not die to her talents and her sense of identity being wrapped up in them. She could not give it to God and say, "Lord, if I never sing for you again and only sing to you in private, I will be totally fulfilled in simply knowing You intimately."
I cannot say that there is a particular point in time that you completely die to self. It is a process. But there is a point in time where we are totally in and committed to the process. There is a point in time when we decide that He is going to be everything to us and that we are no longer going to find our identity in anything but Him. There is a point in time where we realize that just as He died, we die. A point where we agree to partake in His suffereings (death to the flesh) so that we can partake of His glory.
I agree with you wholeheartedly Todd in this. People have somehow interpreted dying to self as some form of monastic lifestyle where they try to do the opposite of what they want to do. Nothing could be further from the truth.
