This is a heartfelt thing
I think I have had so many prophecies in my life or that people have said that have not been from god
I think when I was baptised someone told me I was going to be a pastor
I have preached in a church twice and probably have studied more
And I have constant dreams from god about being a missionary in Israel
It is ironic I have been praying that I will be able to go to a sermonindex conference in the UK again as I have not been to a bible based conference in years and because of work it has been so hard
I thought it was so fitting having the previous two in the UK where revivals previously broke out , in Wales and in Scotland
The one in Scotland and it was so fitting spending time with those that experienced the Scottish revival first hand actually praying in the prayer room
I do not think I had a better prayer time ever
When I got baptised I thought I heard god's voice say I would be a missionary is Israel
As just before I got baptised I got miraclous healed in my bedroom with Jesus turning up , I thought I was going to be bedridden for the rest of my life
When you have had so many people prophecy things or words from god over you that has not come to pass
You get so sceptical with age and I want god so much to invade my heart and to strengthen my faith
I have been through three church splits then went to bridge lane in London and then left there recently and have not felt at home
I have never found a job that actually uses what I trained in as a chef and in computer science
I have had so many dreams smashed and broken
I have so wanted to preach in church but no-one has ever given me the option as I used to work in the Christian bookshop and can read 4 books in a day but nothing compared to someone like c s Lewis who literally memorised all the books in his bookshelf and was able to quote from the pages if you turned to a page
I have wanted and felt called as a missionary to Israel but to me it just seems impossible for God to do it as my dream place to get married would be looking over the mount of olives but I think that would be impossible
What touched me was most by the revivials that are true is compared to those that are false is the love of the bible
With work and age , at university all night prayer meetings but with me with my job it has been almost impossible considering the fact that I am working for less money and barely survive week by week just on prayer financially
I have been working in a hospital and it really hits home about people going to hell as seeing people whether young or old coming out dead
I have been focused on just two things biblical one is eschatology wise about the building of the third temple and the antichrist as it is relevant
I find that we can get distracted as Christians by so many different subjects
I wish so much that I could give up TV but with YouTube it has become so prevalent and there are so many good Christian videos on there
The thing that breaks my heart is I have known so many Christians been told words from god and found out that they are not true and have left the faith becuase of it as I went to a christian school and I don't know what percentage of those I know are still in the faith and also at university the christian union.
I also find it is that God would not contradict himself from the bible with another message
I scream inside for churches where they can actually go through a book of the bible as it makes it so much hard work for the preacher if they have to literally come up with a new message each week
As I find messages or sermons so shallow as sermons I find need to be bathed in both prayer and bible study
I want to leave my job but I do not know where to go as they won't let me have Christmas of and I want to resign
I know this is very personal
