A Longing for Jesus

I’ve read the commentaries of old and new. Piles and piles, for study after study. I’ve prayed in the mountains with tears of sorrow wanting to know Him better, with screams, with complete tiredness, in snow, and in heat. I threw everything away to get a deeper glimpse of Him who is our all, just a glimpse. I wrote down every sin I had ever done, repenting through His blood and threw it away. I spent years reading the biographies of Godly brethren throughout the centuries. Desiring to a burning fiery passion, "Send me Father send me.” To China to the Amazon, to Africa anywhere just send me! Yet, unlike those mighty brethren in our Lord, in their biographies, no answer ever came. Do you have this same inward desire burning from within you? Just to know Him closer?

I’ve read this precious Bible from front to back, and now I’m going from middle to back. I’ve said more times then I can fathom. Lord where do you want me, and where shall I go? What shall I do? Direct me Father that I may through Christ please you. Pastor, teacher, evangelist, prophet, apostle, Just let me do something through you! I wrote books pointing others to our Risen Savior. Look here, the Son of God risen from the grave, come see Him. He will give you life! He will change your ways. Follow Him and grow with Him. Look what I was, and look at what He has done! Come see the Lord for He is worthy! I’ve sought and I’ve sought. I’ve witnessed unsaved born anew through Jesus and His Spirit. I’ve battled the flesh many a time. I’ve wrestled with evil spirits through His precious blood. Yet here I am in tears, sobbing. Do you have this same inward desire burning from within you? Just to know Him closer?

Everything else I count as nothing. It seems like a spec of sand! I just want to know Him closer! I don’t look at the past works justified. I look with disdain. I want more of Him and less of me. So many callings, so many gifting’s. Where Father do you want me? Nothing else matters, let me know you closer Lord. All I surrender to you. I claim nothing. Break me that you can remake me. Lay me low as you did those of the past that I can know you. Prayers said a hundred times a hundred times, in many ways. Do you have this same inward desire burning from within you? Just to know Him closer?

I've heard of many receiving visions. The only vision I recall in all these years was while asleep. A few months after the new birth. I seen Christ, but we were in separate rooms. I still pray about this dream. I’ve never received an answer. It brings sadness to my heart. Will I some day see a vision that we are in the same room? If not I will wait to the day I see Him feet to face. Still I move forward. O, to be a fool for Christ! What better way to fight through this life! For what else can I do? He is my Savoir and I’m chasing after Him with a desire that I admit is from Him. No matter the cost! Does it matter what door He points me through? NO, for He is everything! Do you have this same inward desire burning from within you? Just to know Him closer?

Hello Billy, how did you find Jesus ? how has he helped you ? It's always nice to hear peoples stories of finding Christ. I watch peoples testimonies on video..

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and desires to know Jesus more.

Hello brother I will gladly share about Jesus! Thank you for your kind words!

How Did You Find Jesus?

Actually I believe He found me. Years before I had found a tract on Daniel in 1999 that someone had placed at work. "As for you, Daniel, conceal these words and seal up the book until the end of time; many will go back and forth, and knowledge will increase." It was very thought provoking to me. In 2002 while working at Dupont A friend and me were discussing the above verses and the end times. He told me his parents were missionaries and that I should go meet them. I went into a small office mall type area, and into a little room where they were having church. Sammie who has passed away now turned to me and asked if she could talk to me outside. So I went with her. She prayed over my ears and started telling me about the ten commandments. One at a time, and would ask if I had done this sin, and what does that make me in God's eyes. On ending that part I had to confess that I was a sinner in God's eyes deserving of hell. Then she told me about Christ. How He took my sins onto Himself and that through Him I could be forgiven by God! I agreed to pray with her. I did'nt feel anything that first day. When I woke up the next day though I was different. No cussing, no desire for habitual sins I had been a slave to for years and years. I had freedom, and peace.

As I sat here rereading this. A thought popped into my head. I did still have an urge to smoke after conversion. I used toothpicks and gum for awhile, it was not easy to quit unlike the inward behaviors.

How Has He Helped You.

Jesus has given me a new life, a renewed spirit, a clean conscience, and put His Holy Spirit within me so I can through Him attempt to live rightly! I even have a new standing With God the Father, and I'm adopted into God's family as a son! I also have a new road map to follow through His Word. A brother through Christ, comfort through hard times, and even encourgment! Christ has also given me a new family, scattered around the world! A new eternal destination when my spirit leaves this tent as well! So the more I think on how He has helped me. I have to answer, in every way possible.

Thank you brother for asking these questions, and allowing me to contemplate on our Lord even more!

Brother Greg if our Lord allows I will be following your example in that in His time.

Thank you for sharing your precious testimony Billy.
It was really good to hear that story.

Yes amen. "Christ is a comfort through hard times."

I would love to hear yours when time permits you. I believe our Lord handles us all a bit differently but I have not studied conversions deeply. It would be refreshing to hear your thoughts after looking into so many when you have the time.

Blessings in Christ brother David

Brother David I pray our Father gives me the humility I sense concerning you through your few words. I'm praying for you, but rather I sense I need you to pray for me. Bless you brother.

Billy
I'm so glad you are longing for Jesus !
You wrote: "Just let me do something through you..."
This sounds very good, but it could be part of the problem ! You see, HE might want to do something - through you.
Remember Moses, when Moses tried to do something in the beginning it didn't work out very well.
Then God prepared him for 40 years.
Then GOD called him and GOD wanted to something through Moses Big difference.
He is the potter, we are the clay.

"Have Thine own way, Lord, Have Thine own way..."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCopCjder1I

Thank you for this correction. It was certainly a foolish statement. Do you have the gift of teaching? It is certainly a good gift when it is soaked in Christ love. May our Father break me as he did Moses that His glory alone can be seen through me, and none of me. Bless you in Christ name. I will spend time with Father concerning this. My dependance has to be on Him.

Hi Billy, I feel that your vision which I believe is from the Lord follows Biblical scenarios.

A house is sometimes used in scripture to show where the Lord is in relation to us.

When you think that the Lord wants our true conversion so that we are no longer being drawn or tempted by anything in the world. And that there is great joy in heaven over someone who truly repents I believe it was the Lord in your vision beckoning you and us all to come and to die to self so he will draw close to us.

The Lord stands outside the door of a house in Revelation 3. And calls for us to repent so he can come in and have fellowship with us.

A house is used in 2 Tim 2 v 21 to tell us that when we cleanse ourselves, leaving our sin behind we will be a vessel of honour fit for the masters use.

2 Tim ... A large house contains not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay. Some indeed are for honorable use, but others are for common use. 21) So if anyone cleanses himself of what is unfit, he will be a vessel for honor: sanctified, useful to the Master, and prepared for every good work.

In James 4 v 8 it says :
Draw close to the Lord by repenting and He will draw close to us. Cleanse your hands you sinners and purify your hearts you double minded.
I was really out of control in my mind as a younger person. Temptation came and slew me as a young believer.

I went out each night to pray with the Lord up in the hills. The Lord would wake me up each night to go to do battle with satan and get victory over my sinful ways.

I feel that the Lord loves that... as we are away from everyone and in communion with him.

Thank you brethren. I will pray and digest this today.