The prayers I seek from you are the prayers that, I get wed in the Western sense. A debate can ensue here on these grounds yet I am past that stage I am praying for the Providence for me to do this and have a good relationship with my in-laws.RopafadzoI have many friends in your part of the world and have visited a few times too. The 'lobola' bride price is a difficult concept for westerners to understand. Please tell me if my understanding of the Zimbabwean version is mistaken.The bride price is paid by the husband-to-be, usually with the help of his family. The bride price is set by the oldest brother of the bride's mother, but paid to the bride's father.The bride price can be paid in installments but until the final installment is made the 'bride' (and any children) technically still belongs to the bride's father who may 'reclaim' them if the final payment is not made.It may surprise western Christians that there is much wisdom in this system and that it has some Biblical concepts in it. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” (Eph. 5:25, KJVS) In one sense Calvary was the 'lobola' (bride price). I remember taking with a Zimababwean who had only just discovered that Western Christians did not have a lobola system. He asked an interesting question 'How does your wife know you love her if you have not paid a lobola for her?' The answer might be... I lay down my life for her each day... but it is a legitimate question just the same. The scriptures do not give a specifically 'Christian' marriage system. It often surprises Western Christians to discover that the idea of 'being in love' is not a biblical concept. 'Love' in the Bible, in this sense, is not something that 'happens to you' but a choice that you make. This is actually why the old English wedding ceremony does not ask 'do you love her?' but 'will you love her?' Romantic love was the invention of the Rennaisance and was usually an excuse for marital unfaithfulness; how can 'love' :-( be wrong?I have two true stories from my African brothers which may serve to open Western eyes to non-Western concepts.The first was a schoolmaster who wanted to buy a radio. He had to save for it because it was more than he had. It took him two years to save sufficient for the radio and by that time the radio was no longer for sale. He told me this story himself and ended with the words "...the radio was no longer available so I took a wife".The second came from my questioning a brother about the way in which 'lobola' works. I know that the lobola can often be a high price and that the bridegroom is usually helped by his family. Knowing that many families are poor I asked "if my sons wanted to marry how would I help them to get the money for the lobola?" He looked me straight in the eye, clearly surprised by my naivety, and said "the father has to have some daughters!"I am telling these stories, not to mock my African brothers but to demonstrate to my Western brethren that our Western mind-set can often be a real barrier to communication; we need to remember that the Church of Christ is not Western, nor Eastern, nor African but is from heaven. In our discussions of these threads we surely need to keep in mind the whole church and not just our local experience of it. :-) With regard to your formal Western style marriage, use it an an opportunity to give yourself and your wife to God in prayer that God will make your union fruitful and a source of glory to Christ and, as they sometimes say in emails, enjoy! The Lord bless and guide you in all your desire to walk in His paths. Clicking on 'lobola' may help Western mind-set Christians to understand particularly why our brother asks for 'good relations with his in-laws'.
