A Call to Anguish...

I'm listening now to a sermon I've listened to a number of times by Pastor David (Wilkerson) entitled "A Call to Anguish."Although the sermon focuses on Nehemiah, here's another scripture to ponder (Luke 22:43-45 this is from the NIV):An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground. When he rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, he found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow.I don't know about your heart but I'm sad to say that I'm much like the disciples in verse 45 "exhausted from sorrow" compared to the anguish that Jesus experienced.I can remember a couple of years ago, I went to a non-denominational service and they asked if you wanted to be prayed for and I went up and they asked me what I wanted to be prayed for. I said "I want the baptism of anguish." They looked at me very strangely but prayed for me nonetheless.Have any of you entered into this anguish and how did the Holy Spirit do it in your heart?

I can't say that I've specifically asked for a baptism of anguish, but I have asked the Lord to give me His heart. I would rather have HIS broken heart than all of the pleasures in this world. I desire this simply because I love Him and desire to know Him in every possible way. Even if it means to suffer or to have a burdened heart. I once heard a preacher speaking of Jesus say; His capacity to Love is so much greater than we can imagine, but His heart is also that much more capable of being broken. I believe we need His entire heart to be able to touch this generation. It is only His heart that will enable us to move in the right direction. It is HIS burden that will drive us to our knees in prayer. It is HIS anguish for the lost and dying that will wake us form our spritual slumber and be the light in this dark world.

I can remember a couple of years ago, I went to a non-denominational service and they asked if you wanted to be prayed for and I went up and they asked me what I wanted to be prayed for. I said "I want the baptism of anguish." They looked at me very strangely but prayed for me nonetheless.Brother,... I won't even try.Have any of you entered into this anguish and how did the Holy Spirit do it in your heart?This is one of those messages that can be life changing, It's not the emotion though there is plenty of real gut wrenching emoting that comes through his soul being articulated.. it is just one of the most extremely honest things I have ever heard. It had a profound impact on me and have yet to listen to it without tears. It was something I listened to on the way to a "24 hour prayer meeting" a couple of years ago at the turn of the year and...With some time past now a couple of things are apparent. I ended up leaving this particular church partially due to my perception at the time and the drastic difference in syncing up with the same anguish of soul and carrying that into what seemed to be more of a topical, surface level venture on that particular night. There was just four of us and my spirit sank when we were given a prayer sheet with names and items on it and they were read off in such a fashion as to be completed in an hour before the next ones signed up came through, it was just so ... matter of fact and lacking any real particular concern. Had planned on staying all night even if it was just to find a corner somewhere to pray quietly alone but ended up being so distraught with the whole thing I just quietly left and never did return, have been 'out of church' ever since.It was at this point that I felt called out if I might put that in the right construct from the organized church in this fashion. There is a bit of a problem in that the leanings are towards much of what a great deal of the churches are now enamored with, the whole "Purpose Driven" craze and all that. But I loved the brethren that I got to know a bit, the bible studies...But there was a bigger problem than that and that was with me. It is quite easy to point a finger and many of the same sentiments that Wilkerson address's are evident, the tiredness of the things he has seen, the shallowness and surface level things. But all that came down on my own head with all the questions raised, why did I not speak up then? Why did I not pray honestly and voice the displeasure with the proceedings that particular night? Why did I not share the anguish I was feeling?I had to back out and reconsider everything that I was doing and the motives behind them. It caused me to really pray and really seek God on His own terms, to work hard after thinking His thoughts after Him and leave even my 'best' thoughts at the feet of Jesus... and there is a great deal of work still to be done. To the best of this fallen mind's ability to grasp, though it be renewed day by day, still it seems the call is to prayer.Much more could be said, but indeed this is but one example of how profound these messages here can be. The example our brother gave here is remarkable, who asks for such things? The paradox's of this walk, can attest to what I can only articulate as a "crying on the inside" that never totally wanes away, it is always present but not without joy and wonder and awe, thanksgiving and that compulsory worship that springs forth.Isa 53:3 He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Joh 17:13 And now come I to thee; and these things I speak in the world, that they might have my joy fulfilled in themselves.

Dear Mike,I feel the very same way."Had planned on staying all night even if it was just to find a corner somewhere to pray quietly alone but ended up being so distraught with the whole thing I just quietly left and never did return, have been 'out of church' ever since."I've been so struggling to go to church lately. I just don't have the heart to hear another dead sermon by someone who doesn't seem to have been with God in a while (my opinion)."But all that came down on my own head with all the questions raised, why did I not speak up then? Why did I not pray honestly and voice the displeasure with the proceedings that particular night? Why did I not share the anguish I was feeling?"Good question. Deep down I just don't believe I would be heard."I had to back out and reconsider everything that I was doing and the motives behind them. It caused me to really pray and really seek God on His own terms, to work hard after thinking His thoughts after Him and leave even my 'best' thoughts at the feet of Jesus... and there is a great deal of work still to be done. To the best of this fallen mind's ability to grasp, though it be renewed day by day, still it seems the call is to prayer."You got me there. Haven't done that so far. I guess that's my next assignment.Take care, Martin

Wilkerson said something to this effect once:Go to church. Even if its a dead church. If its a dead church pray that God would sent fire.In the context of this quote he was talking about going to church as compared to watching church on TV. I also think the same would go with listening to sermons on here, as good as they are. It is not like being in a service. I suggest both. Listen to sermons outside the building, and go to the meeting.

God laid His heart on me 2 summers ago. I WEPT for 30 mins STRAIGHT. Anguish. Pain. His heart for the Lost. My blind eyes could now see the dying and lost.I can testify that I have had a similar experience, twice actually, the most recent being a few months ago. I was in the prayer room at my church performing what the church calls "prayer counselling" after an altar call. I spoke with three young people who had responded to the call but was grieved after asking a few questions to find that they had basically come to buy an insurance policy, a get out of hell free card, and were not serious about a relationship with God. When I asked them why they came forward that night the response was, "well, it couldn't hurt". I shared some scriptures on what it means to believe and prayed with them but afterwards just felt the deepest grief I've ever felt come over me and I went back in the sanctuary and wept bitterly in what I can only call deep anguish; I don't think I even wept like that at my father's funeral.Not sure how that whole thing exactly relates to Mr. Wilkerson's sermon, as it seems something was birthed out of his anguish; not quite sure yet what was birthed out of my experience of anguish or if it can even be compared to what he was preaching about. It seemed to be a transient thing that just came upon me and I couldn't possibly work something like that up in my own strength and wouldn't want to quite frankly. I think I just experienced something of the grief of God's heart for the lost.In Christ,Ron

The term "baptism of anguish" was coined by Pastor David in the message referenced above.What I've found is that this anguish began in my heart over my own sin.For those on SI who know me, know that my first wife died in May 2001. I spent about six months crying & wailing. It was a horribly painful time. Many of my tears were simply sadness because my wife was gone. I also discovered that much of my repentance was false. Once the Holy Spirit showed me this then my heart was broken and I began to cry uncontrollably, oftentimes hours on end. Although I'm an emotional person, this was not an emotional response. It was similar to what Isaiah experienced in Chapter 6 “Then said I, Woe [is] me! for I am undone; because I [am] a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips: for mine eyes have seen the King, the LORD of hosts. The following verse describes where my heart was at before. (Hosea 7:14 They do not cry out to me from their hearts but wail upon their beds. They gather together for grain and new wine but turn away from me.) I have experienced great anguish over hearts and souls but the work is not yet complete. I’ve had several trips during the last year and most of these cities were places where God moved in a great way. I’ve walked with streets with great heaviness of heart and tears.As the Holy Spirit has enabled me to see my sin and granted me this gift of repentance, the tears of anguish have flowed and I’m beginning to have it in my heart for others and in my prayers, primarily in the prayer closet. I’m still too concerned, however about what others think and this grieves the work the Holy Spirit is trying to do in my heart. This is a bit different from the focus on Pastor David’s message, which was on Nehemiah. May the Lord God of heaven birth His anguish over the lost in our hearts.I've experienced this anguish much like Ron and Joshua and it's hasn't been an ongoing anguish, although I know that what the Lord wants. May He unveil my heart and remove anything that blocks this.I can't articulate very well but I believe this is something that he wants us to walk in.

Josh,In my flesh, I would like to agree with you but I can't.At this point, the anguish is temporal in my heart but I think that day will change, not only in my heart but yours as well. The anguish leads to intercession and I believe that principle still holds true.It's much more than human grief. My first wife died and I've been to five funerals in the last three months. I know what grief is but this is different. It's God's anguish. I literally thought I was doing to die in the prayer closet, the pain was much more than anything I've ever experienced.Look at Hebrews 7:24-25 referring to Jesus "But this man, because he continueth ever, hath an unchangeable priesthood. Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them."So the anguish Jesus experienced before the crucification is ongoing but it's through his intercession.The Holy Spirit has this same anguish as well. Look at Romans 8:26-27 "Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God." The anguish doesn't humble our hearts. To humble oneself has to be a conscious (i.e. intentional) choice. James 4:10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. 1 Peter 5:6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.The Lord God will humble us only if refuse to humble ourselves and I have walked through being humbled but it's first a choice before the discipline comes.The fire simply comes as we lay everything down on the altar. It's the fire of God, not something that is conjured up through some type of emotion or feeling.I'm seeking a deeper understanding of this in the spirit and my understanding is somewhat limited because I'm just beginning to walk this out.

I totally agree with you brother.I think we learn it as we walk on this narrow path with Jesus. It certainly is a straight road and I'm oftentimes surprised by the things the Holy Spirit shows me.I'm willing to learn from you or anyone else as the Holy Spirit leads. I think the Lord wants our hearts so soft that whatever He wants us to do, we will do with great thankfulness of heart and quick.One of my pastors said that Jesus is looking for "instant obedience" and it's so true.I trust Jesus to lead you Joshua on this path! :-(

Bro habakkuki know the grief you're talking about as the Lord has been merciful enough to me to allow me to experience this. This was a revelation of the Lord's grief concerning my own sins and rebellion and then the Lord revealed it to me that this was multiplied billions of times over to account for the sins of eveyone else. now the Lord iddn't lay all that grief on me but the anguish he let me feel concerning my own sins was excruciating. with this the Lord has made it so i am compelled to confess of my sins and repent and also to pray for others also that they may be made aware of the grief that sin causes the Lord. the Lord makes it so we shed tears of anguish over these things because He also sheds such tears. He wants us to know how He feels so that we can be sensitive to Him and respond in the way He would have us respond. let us fall on our faces and repent, repent and repent some more.AMEN

I think the anguish, isn't supposed to be ongoing.It's much more than human grief. Yes.The anguish leads to intercession and I believe that principle still holds true.Bunched those together for the contrast. One day I will find this section of thoughts from Charles Spurgeon that recall roughly, that he suffered from a lot of depression and am quite sure that this anguish was something of it, more than of a 'clinical' sort, though there was both and he suffered from many ailments. The vague quote that has stuck all these years was something to the effect of feeling the Lords Manifest Presence, that those days "were like precious gold to me". And the recollection was that they were rare. Without stretching that too far, the reason I guess it has stuck so deeply is in the similarities."Because the creature itself also shall be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now. And not only they, but ourselves also, which have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, waiting for the adoption, to wit, the redemption of our body." Rom 8:21-23The times when the indescribable Presence of the Lord is so overwhelming, the peace and contentment and understanding... There is nothing in all of life in comparison. The times when it is evident come instantly to mind, this time last year was one, though it was in various stages of ... intensity? Had been thrust into a new and foreign situation, a new job with a lot of commotion and responsibility, I was in over my head by a mile and yet... I could say that I was no longer "Practicing" the Presence of God in the sense of prayer, prayer was oxygen and blood and as Wilkerson put it in this particular message; "Lord, if you don't help me..."But it was at Christmas time, problems at home, my wife was throughly despondent and wanted nothing to do with Christmas, my head was reeling, attempting to finish an old job while carrying the new, beyond exhaustion, spiritually and emotionally ... spent. And then there was the Christmas shopping to do... All of it. To go out on the eve of Christmas, with the hordes and even more madness and...I will never forget it, the sense of the Lord was so precious and overwhelming I thought I would breakdown and cry right there in the mall with tears of joy. Everything had a sense of ease and peace, the love that welled up in my spirit for my family and even for those that I saw rushing about, I began to pray for every eye I met, not a care in the world, everything just fell off. If there was ever a time that I might have stood up and open air preached of the Love of God for the souls He created... It would have been a strange wonder, in hindsight it is easier to give words of expression to it, at the time it would have been something I am sure to see this fool standing there crying, dumbfounded and rendered speechless. Just the memory of it! One day saints this will be the norm and not the exception...How well this size's up with what Ed is trying to express I do not know, the contrast is that these times are rare indeed and the former much more common, even if they vacillate in intensity. I would appeal back to Romans passages above.