Church is a lot like Football

Most everyone here knows I am a football coach. (If you dont... I'm a football coach) Anyway, I saw this and saw some humor and conviction in this. Hope everyone gets something out of this... KrispyBenchwarmer: Show up on Sunday eleven o’clock sharp and leave twelve o’clock dull. They do not sing, pray, work, and apparently do nothing but take up pew space. Sidelines: where lukewarm Christians always are. Running back: one who is unafraid to meet the opponent head on by faithfully proclaiming the truth of God’s Word. Linebacker: one who defends the faith against all attacks. Back Judge: one who only criticizes and never gets in the game. Nose tackle: method the pastor's wife uses to try and keep church gossip to a minimum. Assistant coach: an associate pastor. Stiff Arm: do not lay hands on anyone quickly. Off-season: summer vacation when church attendance falls off. Overtime: sermon continues past noon. Coin toss: taking up an offering. Pigskin: smoked ham at the church potluck dinner. Punt: point in the sermon where due to lack of response from the congregation, the pastor veers off-course from his sermon in desperation to regain the attention of the people. Punt return: congregation's response to pastor's punt. Defensive holding: gripping the back of the pew in front of you when under conviction. Delay of game: method special singers employ when their performance track is not cued to correct song. Offensive guard: persons who are constantly looking for something to be offended by. Quick count: estimate of Sunday attendance. Dead ball: awkward silence during the sermon in which pastor is pausing for an amen, which he never receives. Roster: official list of church members whether they are currently attending or not attending. Excessive timeouts: crying babies interrupting the service numerous times. Eligible receiver: a faithful servant of the Lord who can be trusted to do the work of the ministry. Unnecessary roughness: where gossiping has become a spiritual gift. Formation: with whom we gather with in the foyer after the service has ended. Signals: silent communication between the worship leader and the guy manning the sound board. 20 Second Time Out: pastor hasn’t prepared effectively to preach the Word of God on Sunday. Therefore, he extends a time of corporate prayer and singing that he claims is led by the Spirit, so that only ten minutes is left in the actual service time. He then uses remaining moments for congregational testimonials as an expression of “encouraging one another.” He concludes by saying, “I guess we’re out of time today, we’ll have to pick up the text again next week… but hasn’t the fellowship been sweet this morning?” Field Goal: getting at least something out of a poorly prepared sermon. Safety: proof that no one on the elder board had your pastor's "back." Touchdown: preaching the gospel in all its truth and seeing a non-Christian come to Christ for salvation, or a believer repent of their waywardness in sanctification. Special teams: church committees and home fellowship groups. Scrimmage: informal meeting of a "special team." Extra Point: when you thought that the pastor said, “now in conclusion” at least twenty minutes ago. Fumble: when the minister mispronounces a key word or O.T. name in his message, quotes the wrong verse, or theologically misspeaks and everyone notices. Penalty Flag: when a member of the church acts like a faithful Berean in confronting the pastor(s) when something unbiblical was preached and affirmed. Game ball: the Bible. Home-field advantage: where long-time attendees think they are entitled to sit when newcomers show up. Dime back: giving a tenth of your income. Huddle: Meeting of the elders and pastoral staff. Head coach: the pastor. Reverse: a former Arminian who is now Reformed. Too many men on the field: congregational rule. Interference: when pragmatics captures the hearts of some of the members absent of sound doctrine—methods vs. message. Incompletion: John Mark. Unsportsmanlike conduct: when tolerated undisciplined sin manifests itself. Winning percentage: sanctification is daily occurring. Quarterback Sneak: when the pastor makes a move that the elders and deacons weren’t prepared for. Draw Play: what children do with the church bulletin during worship. Half-time: the period between Sunday School and the main worship service where many choose to leave. Backfield-in-Motion/Man in Motion: too many restroom or water fountain runs during the service. Staying in the Pocket: what happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord's work. Two-minute Warning: the point at which you realize the sermon is almost over, but it somehow goes on for another half an hour. Instant Replay: the minister forgets his notes and falls back on last week's sermon. Sudden Death: what happens to a church where sin is tolerated. Trap: you're called on to pray the benediction and sleep through your cue. End Run: taking the long way around a difficult situation. Flex Defense: the ability to allow absolutely nothing said during the sermon to affect your life. Halfback Option: the decision of 75% of the congregation not to return for the evening service. Screen Play: using video and PowerPoint as part of your Sunday morning worship. Blitz: the rush to the parking lot to get to the restaurant first following the closing prayer.

I'm just wondering who is the waterboy?Robert "Bobby" Boucher Jr. (pronounced Boo-shay)Krispy

Krispy,Thanks for posting the similarities between football and church. I enjoyed it and passed it on to my brother who wants to post it on his blog. :-)It was good to see that you can get some spiritual insight out of football. :-P

I got an email tonite, that Ron's 'right-on-riot' post reminded me of ... See if you see it too ... relating it also to The Church. (May not be about 'Football', but then again, maybe that's where they were headed :) A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady.She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times.When she is about to hand him another batch he asks the little old lady why they don't eat the peanuts themselves."We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied.The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."

Looka here now ... We moved from the spiritually cold territory of New England to the "Belt Buckle of The Bible Belt" thinking, Wow, Look at ALLLL of these Churches ... only to find out, that these BIG Churches down yonder here, change the time of their monthly Communion Service to ACCOMMODATE TONITE'S SUPERBALL.Edited to add more Bible Belt Specials for today.An even larger "Church" is having the Game and a Party there tonite, 'instead of' a Service.Praise God and pass the pretzels.That's it, I give up. :-? :-P :-( :-?

PTywama3, I watched one SuperBowl since I've been saved.Guess which one it was ?Well, if it was playing at that same Church as usual, then the whole Church saw Janet Jackson too ... besides the 'commercials' and the cheer leaders and the other half-time stuff, that really fits into the House of God quite well, right ? Do you also think those commercials are something "Christ" would give a "child" or the half-time shows or the other non-game activities ? Do you really think "Jesus" would bring little children there or turn the tube on for them to see it all ? Do you think all of these non-game things I've brought up, is Jesus' idea of what HE called "Fellowship" ?And if the elderly members of that other Church couldn't make the morning service today, then they didn't get to hear, that no one would be there for Communion Service at the time they'll be getting there to an empty parking lot.I really don't know why you're so upset friend.I could see if I blasphemed the Lord or something ... but come on now ... Football ? I understand Krispy's post, but not this one PTywama3. This is very confusing. :-(

Whoa whoa... hold on everyone. Let's set a few things right side up again, shall we?First of all... the Carolina Panthers should have won that Super Bowl where the Janet Jackson thing happened, and that game is still a sore subject w/me. (I live in in North Carolina)All I can say is thank the Lord Mick Jagger didnt have a ward-robe malfunction! I think I would have seen my chicken wings for the second time if that had happened!Seriously tho... that church that was stupid enough to not turn the tube OFF when Janet hit the stage got what they deserved. We missed the whole thing because God gave us enough discernment to realize that if the half time show was produced by MTV... it doesnt need to be seen!Now, as to moving communion services: most churches have communion in the morning service because their are more people in attendance. Sice the game is a night game... I dont think too many communion services got re-scheduled.Evening services may have been changed... but so what? There werent evening services until the invention of the lightbulb some 120 years or so ago. Evening services started as an evangelistic tool to "lure" unbelievers to church out of curiousity about the lightbulb! Now-a-days people act like there's a command to have evening services buried somewhere in the book of Philemon!We dont have evening services because we try to keep Sunday as a day of rest. Having 2 services makes Sunday ANYTHING BUT a day of rest.Football is great, I love it. I coach it. I live it. It's a great way to teach young men about life, teamwork, work ethics, etc.There is nothing wrong with believers watching the Super Bowl. And surprisingly... the commercials were very clean last night. There was one advertiser that I knew would be a little "busty"... and since we have Tivo, we blipped right thru them.Great game last night... just wish the Carolina Panthers were there. Next year will be their time!Krispy

Just for the record ... I was rootin' for the Panthers for the same reason ... :-P ... but I don't do the cat make-up and I'm not Roman about the whole thing.I've got nothing against "Football" ... but you NEED Tivo to watch it around kids anymore. For that matter ... around anyone with a pure mind, or who wants to keep it pure anyhow.I'll have to find out if that big ol' Church has Tivo.I don't have Tivo, but if the Panthers were in the Superbowl, I could have had someone tape it for me and pause out the commercials and stuff ... and just see the game. But ....Anyhowz ... so now, are we still friends Coach ? :-? :-D BTW, what took you so long to find this post of mine ? HA !Can't say I didn't "warn" you. 8-)