My life is in pieces but I want to bless everyone with every broken piece

D

deltadom Feb 11, 2006

With jumping out of the window everything in my life is broken including my foot. I need to know, that where I go is right and I need to know what god wants me to do whether it is hard or easy!!At university I have got to face alot of flac and pressure I am worried about finances, my own sanity and so is the university, they are not going to let me near any windows. I have been thinking do I go or do not go? I want an answer of the Lord even if it hurt, I have so much repenting and forgiveness to do.I am scared at making those leaps of faith that I need to make, I do not know my future but I trust in god. My finances I am not sure about but I trust god. I am in a dire way in every way. Jesus gave my life for me, I do not want to be selfish with what he has given me, I want to use every cell in my body to praise and be faithful to him, yet I am unfaithful. I have a court case coming up with the guy who stole my money I want to somehow get jesus into that and lay that down at his feet. I am worried about tution fees and accomidation. In any way I want to give my whole life if I never go to university again or I want to give my life to him. I want to use everything, all of the things that god has given me for him like David Livingstone used his medical skils, even if I have to lay it down. My heart is to not only bless as many people as possible and bring as many christians to Jesus and to know Jesus through every means possibleI am confused and a mess as I normally say I am a mess but I need Jesus I cannot handle things now, how am I going to handle things in the future.Dominic Shiells

C

Compton Feb 12, 2006

Dom,Your honest but distressed posts cause those who read them to wonder if you are part of a Christian fellowship. The description of your struggles hardly seems to mention the support of a local body of believers. I mention this only because people within an internet fellowship like this one, can only walk so far with you. We can pray for you...but it sounds like you could benifit from proximity with a stronger more experienced brother in the Lord.I commend your honesty in expressing your confusion and struggles. Yet, at the same I would suggest that their is more to honesty then honest speaking...there is also honest living. If we find that we are never gaining traction in our spiritual life then perhaps we need to face some deficiencies in our own character and seek to deal with these things with the help of a trusted mentor. It may be a virtue to admit defeat...but it is not a virtue to stay defeated. If I am speaking out of turn or in ignorance of your situation then count this as an example of the limitations of an internet fellowship. Those of us who are reading your desperate messages are compelled to respond to you...but we are extememly limited. I don't believe Christianity is only a "spiritual" relationship to God...it is also continued physical fellowship and accountability to other believers. Bless you brother and we'll keep you and the issues you shared in our prayers. MC

sermonindex Feb 12, 2006

Mat 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. Mat 11:30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. Dom, this verse came in my head as I was almost at the end of your post.I read Compton's post, and felt the pathos/heart feelings in it. He said so well what needs to be said and in much love and deep felt concern because of Christ our mutual Savior, reaching out from him to you.I usually post to every one of your threads my friend ... but I notice you seldom if ever post back to us.You don't come back to the threads you start normally.That is not good.You need "dialog" with the brothers and sisters here ... not just dumping thoughts and moving on.MC is so right.... It does and always has sounded as if you don't have the 'one on one' mentorship of a Godly Stable Brother.I've asked you that in the past, but is that the case ?A Biblical Counselor would not hurt neither. Some are actually Licensed Counselors, as long as you're sure they're Biblical Counselors. That would be a great idea. You're not the only one who's had their head scrambled like eggs, at some point in their lives. I think you already know, that not a few of us on here have, at one time or another.Anyhow ... your FIRST STEP is to 'STAY FOCUSED'.Come back to this thread and 'stay with it' for the remainder, and let's talk.Do you know what I'm saying ?Let's dialog here Brother And not stop until we see something happen for you.You're not the worst egg in the batch, Believe me.So let's kick this all around together as a Family O.K. ?The guys and gals here are pretty smart cookies and some of them have been through Hades too, in their lifetimes.Make the most of this avenue, while it's still available. O.K. ? We Love you Dom.Annie too

sermonindex Feb 12, 2006

I can only think of 2 things that you need.1. Rest in the Love of Jesus.2. Local fellowship.Simple response for your broken heart, I pray that you may follow through.

C

ccchhhrrriiisss Feb 12, 2006

Hi Deltadom...When I often read your posts, I am reminded of the desperation that I have read from such men as Charles Finney and John Bunyan during the struggles as they sought to know and fellowship with God. Have you read the autobiography of either men?Finney's autobiography was published appropriately as "An Autobiography." However, it was titled Memoirs of Revivals and Religion." It is available online here. John Bunyan's autobiography was entitled, "Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners." It is also available online in several locations, including here.Both of these books are wonderful editions to your spiritual library -- and they have helped me tremendously in my walk with the Lord. Brother, you are not alone in your feelings of desperation. But remember, there is a peace that surpasses all understanding -- one that is full of joy unspeakable and full of glofy. This comes only from resting quietly in the arms of God."Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me." John 14:1:-)

sermonindex Feb 12, 2006

Dear Dom,Yous said:I am scared at making those leaps of faith that I need to make, I do not know my future but I trust in god.First I want to reassure you that none of us know our future. Whatever we see, whatever God has put in our hearts, it waits there to be developed and unfolded as our years of cleaving unto Him continue. The more important thing than 'knowing' the future, is walking with Him today. Knowing the Lord today, is all that is required.This brings me on to the other point I've quoted from you ........ the idea of 'leaps of faith'.I think perhaps you are misunderstanding what that means..... because people make is sound as if, because it is a 'leap', it is a very long way, or, a very high jump. This is not what they mean AT ALL. It might be only a millimetre, or a centimetre, but to the person it LOOKS like 'a leap', or it FEELS like 'a leap' ....... when actually, it is not even a whole step..... but, it tries the faith of the person who has to take it. (Another way to say that is it proves the faith of the person who has to take it.In other words, as you walk by faith every day, you are making those so-called 'leaps', simply by continuing to walk with God honestly.Please think about this, and be encouraged. Concentrate on being faithful to all the small things you can do easily, as well as trying to win in some things which previously you lost.By the way, are you in Canterbury right now, or have you gone home with the broken foot?

S

saved_matt Feb 12, 2006

Hey Dom,I recently heard this poem by Carter Conlon, as i read it thought of you,What shall become of the hand full of crumbs?Gathered from the Masters table,A strong hand has embraced them,Alas some have fallen on the floor,with the lowly, their calling,Yet what shall become of the these crumbs?Unworthy, unlovely, fallen, despised,Says one filled with hate, feigning surpirise,Their pitiful condition is just plain to see,These crumbs everyone are for me.The dogs start to gather, lips smacking with glee,When a woman of faith says, 'These crumbs are for me'.With Tender compassion the Lord says 'You may'.The devourer once more slinks away in dismay,Yet what shall become of these crumbs?Though feeble and faultered they all start to see,Through them healing flows meeting deepest of need,A mother, a daughter, a family set free,Through things once discarded like you, and like me.Though often we've wandered from where we should be,The mercy of God continues to lead,Forever the blind, the maimed and the dumb,Find new life in Christ,Through a hand full of crumbs.matt

H

habakkuk3 Feb 12, 2006

One of the things the Lord is after is my self-sufficiency Dom. I know He is after this in every follower of His.That means that He must meet my family's needs as He orders our steps. No more flesh deals....I pray that you wholeheartedly seek the Lord and lay out everything before Him. Although your honesty is refreshing in this age when most of the time we're patting ourselves on the back saying how great we are, my spirit is distressed to some degree as well.The Christian life is about brokenness but it's also about victories (e.g. his victories over sin, his victories to provide). I just pray brother that you begin to have victories as he leads you into repentance and through barrenness. Know that Jesus is enough to meet every need, to heal every wound, to restore. I pray you will fully submit to Him and allow this work of grace to happen.Blessings to you in the name of Jesus...

R

roadsign Feb 12, 2006

Dom, I must admit that I don't know you very well, but, as I read this post, something seems to come to the surface: It is the inconsistency between your desire, and your experience. You desire great faith that God will provide, but you express the opposite - anxiety. You desire to bless EVERYONE with EVERY broken piece. Yet, I do not see a truly broken person yet. You really want to live a victorious life and be a good testimony, but this is not happening, right? Let me share from personal expereince: YOU CAN'T LIVE THE CHRISTIAN LIFE, so perhaps the challenge is for you to accept that. Accept your own broken condition, and also invite God to do a far greater breaking in your life - that is, a breaking of all that resists his grace. While you wish to "redeem" your flawed self, God wishes to utterly crucify it, and give you a new life. Will you take it? What might be standing in the way? You are sharing here, and that is awesome, because sharing is a vulnerable thing to do. I trust that you will glean from our various comments what pertains to you. Remember that God specializes in people just like you!Diane

D

deltadom Feb 28, 2006

A struggle to accept myself. I have read all your posts and they are loving and good. The issue that I am dealing with at the moment is my future I need guidance and how to accept jumping out a window of 18ft this is what I am struggling with.I am hard to comprehend it let alone with my mind and my heart is still in shock and i need prayer for my uni work.DOm

sermonindex Feb 28, 2006

Dom, you need to except the fact that you may just be a human being like the rest of us and can't quite walk on water yet ... 8-) .You're the type, that hurts themselves instead of doing what "some" of us do ....Like yell at our husband or wife !!!!Are there any PERFECT husbands or wives here ?You've made a mistake, but you basically only hurt yourself. Some of us here, have said things to others with our mouths, that have hurt them for longer than your ankle will hurt ... if we want to be upfront and honest here.You need to forgive yourself as you have 'been' forgiven.I take a long time forgiving myself too when I say something to hurt someone else, but, I think my saying something that hurts someone else is a worse sin than if I hurt myself in a way that you did.I don't recommend you make a habit of it ;-) , but please give yourself a break here.What if I jumped like that ... would you still condemn me today ?Knowing you .... NO WAY !!! So if you wouldn't condemn any of us ... why do you get the worst of the beatings ?Put it behind you and just thank God you didn't land on someone else and break their ankle with yours. :-D I still say that some of the things I've said to my husband is a 100 times worse than what you did.Let someone pick up the first stone ... and see what HE drops on them .... :roll: Just forget it bro and keep your eyes off of yourself. That's like trying to watch your feet as your walking down a highway. Keep your eyes on the author and Finisher of your Faith.Only HE is Faithful.God Bless you forever brother Dom.Don't ever give up.

C

ccchhhrrriiisss Feb 28, 2006

Hi Dom...The issue that I am dealing with at the moment is my future I need guidance and how to accept jumping out a window of 18ft this is what I am struggling with.Just in case you're literally talking about jumping out of an 18ft window -- don't! That is not a "leap of faith" -- it is a "leap of FATE." And it might not end up the way that you would like. If you were speaking metaphorically, just remember that there are things that we are supposed to do that we cannot accomplish in our own strength. Never neglect the lesson about carrying your cross. Even Jesus could not carry the cross to Calvary. He physically stumbled. Simon of Cyrene was prompted to carry the cross for Jesus. In the same way, we are only commanded to carry the cross. At times, we will stumble, fall, and ultimately fail. At that time, someone (the Helper) will help us to carry our cross the rest of the way. Brother, you are a blessing to alot of people -- even though many of us live thousands of miles (or kilometers) from you. We all get caught up in our failures and mistakes. It is at those times that we need to remember the Lord's heart towards us. The Lord is always longing -- always waiting -- to hold us close to himself. And never forget his great and patient love. He loves us regardless of our failures or sucesses. How great is the Love of God? It is strong enough to completely love some of the most despicable men ever -- like Hitler, Judas, the Ayatollah, Stalin and Osama bin Laden! Jesus loves all of these people -- even though these were some of the most terrible men in history. At any moment, these men could have (or in the case of Osama bin Laden -- could STILL) cried out to the Lord, and He would hear them. Now imagine yourself. You are desiring to know Christ -- even if you are still prone to sin and failure. Brother, God loves that heart. Brother, we are still praying for you. Just take some time to sit back and allow God to place his arms around you. I love to find a place where no one else will be around me (or can hear me). Then I just pour out my heart to God, and I allow Him to pour out his love to me. It is very refreshing to "be still and know" that he is God. :-)