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Need some (biblical) advice!

sermonindex Feb 15, 2006

I'm sort of stuck in a rut. I'll try to keep this as short as I can. (Incase you may not know, I am 16 and I still live with my parents.)For some background info, my step-dad is not saved, but claims to be a Christian. The same goes with my mother.I had suspicions 6 weeks ago that my step-dad was cheating on my mom. It came through checking up on the IE history through sheer curiosity. I found that he accessed profiles of women who were looking for single guys. So after further things I found, I decided to set up a key-logger on the computer that would record the keys. In retrospect, I should not have put up the key-logger; however once I put my hand in the plow, there was no going back.I began to discover graphic, graphic conversations between women online at the wee hours of the night that I will not get into here. This almost killed me, and I could not continue reading the logs. (Phi. 4:8) I probably read only a few logs out of the whole 6 weeks that I was recording this. The ones that I did read, I found out that he was meeting women outside, and this was not just something online-exclusive. It broke my heart.So, I contacted my sister (in her thirties) on advice for what to do. I didn't do it in any gossiping-manner; I told her that I urgently needed her advice on what to do.(She claims to be a Christian, though is quite deceived with being apart of the Faith Apostolic Church [denies the Trinity, baptism essential for salvation, tongues evidence of Holy Ghost, etc.]... In retrospect, I should not as well contacted her concerning this.)She initially was very shocked, and so and so forth. I'll speed ahead.For some other background information, I am homeschooled (been for the last three months). My step-dad and I have a very bad relationship.The reason I do not want to tell my mother now concerning this is because she will honestly do nothing, while I would be dead. I know her well enough to confidently say this (concerning the former). I draw this conclusion from her history which I will not go into here.If I confront my mother concerning this, she would say that I spied on them and I would be basically in big, big trouble. Likely, I would be sent back to public schooling, and would be very much behind. (If I had to go back to school next year, [which would be a punishment] I would be going back to the ninth grade, when I should’ve been going to the 11th, so it would be disastrous.) The living condition with my mother and step-dad would be, basically, unbearable.Now, my sister has told me that I am lying by not telling my mom. She sent me a very, very aggressive e-mail saying that I must confront my mother about this and that "all liars have their part in the lake of fire," that it is of absolute necessity for me to tell her. She does not understand what the true effects this would have upon me are.I am just confused on what to do. I deleted the key-logger program and its logs because I could not deal with even looking at them anymore. So I've even lost my proof, I even had screenshots. That isn't really a big deal. If the "right" thing to do is to tell my mother, I could always just set it up again.Understand before you reply with your advice the implications this would put upon me. I would be barred from everything. I would have nothing (save Christ, of course). Is it really worth it? I understand how important truth is as a Christian, don't get me wrong. My sister says no lie is ever going to be of God no matter how small or how big or in what situation. And that all lies are of the Devil. So she says I am out just doing the Devil's business by not telling my mother. My mother doesn't deserve this. She is quite old and doesn’t have long to live. She’s been through several divorces already. She has no where else to go. She literally depends on my step-dad for economical security. Their relationship is not that bad; I observe that they are happy together. I found out from my sister (friend of my step-dad’s ex-wife) that my step-dad was divorced from his ex-wife because she found out that he was seeing other women as well. My step-dad has told my mom it’s the other way around.Sigh, my 'comfort' and 'stability' are on the line. Does, in this situation, truth matter so much that I am bound by God to tell my mom? I've found out truth I didn't want to find! Sigh! Am I responsible to it now? My mother and step-dad are not saved; if my mother was saved I know I would definitely tell her. But here, it just seems pointless to confront a dead woman about such a thing as adultery. She doesn’t really see it as a big deal, she would be mad (mostly at me), but they would work it out and I would be screwed for life.Any biblical advice anyone could give I would be very much thankful for.Jordan

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tacklebox Feb 15, 2006

Jodan,You are probably going to get differing opinions about what you should or should not do.I can already tell you that if you rely on man's wisdom, you will be tossed about from this suggestion to that...God is the only rock you should stand on.That said, I hope that you will pray for your step-dad and mother as well as yourself, for the wisdom to know what to do. James tells us that God gives wisdom to those who ask. Don't rely on the post of this board, because there will be two camps: those who list Bible verses justifying you confronting your step-dad, and others will provide verses on why you shouldn't.The simple truth is that you are under your parents' authority now, and you must submit to them. If your step-dad is lost, then you shouldn't expect him to obey God, for the carnal mind is not subject to the law of God, neither can it be (Romans 8:7.)Pray for your step-dad - that God will forgive him for disobeying his conscience and defiling his body. Pray that God would invade his heart and convict him of this sin.Pray fervently for your step-dad. Pray every day for a week, and pour out your frustrations and anguish before the LORD, not us. We will try to tell you what to DO, but the LORD will direct your path and cause you to sit still before HIM.PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PRAY! And we will join with you in prayer - every day for at least a week.If the LORD compels you to confront your step-dad, maybe you could talk to him about his sin indirectly, as Nathan did David after he got Bathsheba pregnant and killed her husband (Read 2 Samuel 12.)You could say something like this:YOU: Hey, _____, could I talk to you about something serious for a minute?STEP-DAD: SureYOU: Do you consider yourself to be a good person?STEP-DAD: Sure.YOU: What standard are you using for "good?"STEP-DAD: Well, I am better that a lot of people.YOU: What standard does God use for "good?"STEP-DAD: If you love Him and obey Him, I guess.YOU: Did you know that God gave us a standard in the Bible?STEP-DAD: What?YOU: Yeah, the 10 Commandments. They weren't just for the Old Testament, either, because Jesus uses them in the Sermon on the Mount and when talking with the rich, young ruler (Mark 10:17-27)- mainly as a measurement to see if we are "good" enough to get into heaven.STEP-DAD: So?YOU: Well, let's see if you are good enough - #9 says, "You shall not lie." Have you ever told a lie?STEP-DAD: Yes. We all have.YOU: That's right. And because we have all lied, that means we are all liars, and the Bible says that all liars will have their part in the lake of fire. And don't think that telling only a few lies doesn't make you a liar - it only takes one murder to make you a murderer.STEP-DAD: Ok, so I'm a liar.YOU: #8 says, "You shall not steal." Have you ever stolen anything? -I'm not talking grand theft auto here - just taking something that doesn't belong to you - like stealing your boses' time a work, etc.STEP-DAD: I have stolen.YOU: That makes you a thief, and 1 Cor. 6:10 says that thieves will NOT inherit the Kingdom of God. #7 says, "You shall not commit adultery." Now before you respond to that, remember that Jesus said if you look at a woman with lust, it's adultery of the heart.__________________________________________By that time, the LAW of God should be working on convicting him. It's the LAW's job to condemn, not our's. Paul didn't say he became aware he was a sinner by some guy telling him he was going to burn, burn, burn, but by looking to the LAW as a standard, he realized he was a sinner deserving hell (Romans 7:7.)Let the LAW do its work on your step-dad, and pray for him, for no man comes unto Christ unless the Father draws him (John 6:44)I will be praying as well...-Chris

sermonindex Feb 15, 2006

I think anyone reading this should be praying for you brother.I will. Blessings, may God lead your decsion.

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ccchhhrrriiisss Feb 15, 2006

Hi Jordan...!I am praying for you -- and I will quietly tell others to pray as well. If you need someone to talk to in San Antonio, I have some friends that are in college up there. Two of my friends were recently married (Jonathon and Lisa), and they are totally in love with God. If you would like, I could let them know about your situation.But I will be praying for you. This is a very difficult circumstance for anyone to endure -- let alone a high school student! May the Lord grant you both wisdom in this situation, as well as peace! :-)

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jimp Feb 15, 2006

hi, you are not going to like what i have to say. Gods commandment is to honor your father and mother.... the reason this is a commandment is because some parents are not worthy of honor. some have molested their own children, some are in prison, some have seft their families pennless from drugs or gambling etc.pray that the Holy Spirit move on this situation because without the Holy Spirit there will be know change.you live your life as an example in front of your parents and mind your own business;but pray. jimp

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dohzman Feb 15, 2006

Brother Jordan, Its been said that patience can be of the greatest benefit to any person. Be slow to speak, swift to hear etc... The fruit of wisdom, as with all fruit takes time, so in your asking God for wisdom allow for time to pass. Contact your local pastor in your local church who will keep what you share with him in the strictest confidence. Some things are best left for prayer, Jesus' said bless thoughs who curse you do good to them that use you and pray for them. I would say to you that you need church family close by who can be there for you in the days ahead, and you need to draw very close to Jesus. Cover everything in prayer and allow God to do any uncovering that needs to happen. In the midst of all that will probably happen settle it in your mind to respond in Christ like love and meekness, and don't let satan get a foothold in this matter in your thinking, place it in the Lord's able hands, even if that means you have to do that hundreds of times a day til you get a release. You're going to be alright, just lean on Jesus.

sermonindex Feb 15, 2006

Because none of us know you, your family, or any of the dynamics involved, I would highly recommend that you find a trusted pastor or elder to confide in. I don't think it's too wise for any of us to give you advise (as good as it might be) because there are several lives involved. You need someone who can sit down with you face to face. I don't think any of us should shoulder the liability of advise back-firing.We should all keep you in our prayers, and ask God to give you wisdom and discernment... and that's exactly what I will do. I'll also be praying that God will provide you with someone in spiritual authority with which to confide in.Krispy

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GaryE Feb 15, 2006

Dear Jordon,The following are verses that pertain to some of what you wrote:................................................Pro 11:13 A talebearer revealeth secrets: but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter.Pro 17:9 He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.Pro 10:12 Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.1Pe 4:8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.................................................Jordon, your sister is wrong in saying that you are lying by not repeating this matter to your mother. The only way this would be lying is if you were asked about this directly and you gave a different answer. Don't let your sister or anyone else make decisions that you are responsible for.My advice to someone in a situation like yours is to keep quiet about it and pray for those involved.You said your comfort and stability are on the line because of this matter. This should not be the reason you do not repeat it. You should not repeat it because you know that the Lord would not have you repeat it. If something is right to do in God's eyes, the risk against your comfort and security should not be a reason that you don't do the the right thing.In Christ,GaryE

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ryanelijah Feb 15, 2006

Hi Jordan, First of all, I will be praying for you very hard in this situation. It has to be terrible for you. Remember that Jesus will bring you through! I agree with everyone so far: lean on Him and you will be ok, and we can't do anything without prayer! I also agree that the best thing to do would be to find a local pastor who could handle marriage counseling for them and could be involved in a mediation situation. But, I believe that the best thing for you to do is going to be very hard. If you can't find a pastor, I would say go to your dad. Confess that you have essentially spied on him and tell him you are sorry. But also tell him that now that you know what you do, he has to come clean with your mom. I believe it is always best to let spouses confess to eachother, when possible. That way, you can be left out of the whole thing, hopefully. I would also tell him that if he doesn't tell her soon you will be forced to tell her. (I know none of you would want that situation... and I am hoping and praying he will do it for you.) I would even give a specific time frame, like if he doesn't tell her within the weekend or within two weeks, etc. My pastor had the unfortunate position of "catching" many people in adultery and he would always give them time to tell their spouses themselves, and if they failed to do so, he would have to break the news. I understand that he is your step dad and that the relationship might not be comfortable enough to confront that. I also understand the concept of honoring your parents, but it is NO HONOR to your mother to hide this information from her. We honor our parents by LOVING TRUTH, as God does. DO everything you can to make him as comfortable as you can. Also, you might want to consider, if he doesn't tell your mom in a certain amount of time, then bring someone else in to the picture. Someone who loves Jesus and will be forgiving and urging repentance. (Like a pastor...) If the two of you confront him with this sin and that doesn't work, bring more people and so on. That is what Paul suggests in the Bible. I don't believe "covering your dads sin" is the way to go about this. I know it will be hard for you, and I will be praying for you to have Christs strength in this! I can never think of a time in the Bible where someone saw a persons sin and didn't try to deal with it. Ever. On a separate issue, a lot of times spouses will be in denial of their blame or their spouses blame. I would, as hard as this would be, print out what you have seen/read on the internet. I wouldn't confront your step dad with that at first, only if he denies it. Have something so that your step dad can't say something like, "He is making this up, he has always hated me..." If he admits there is a problem and confesses than throw those things away. Also: I think it would be best to stop essentially spying on him. It is very easy to get "hooked" on internet pornography, and the enemy wants nothing more than to destroy your home, your parents marriage, and your purity for the Lord. Stop reading all that crud!!!! Don't let it into your mind. A lot of sin comes from wanting to do the right thing! Be very careful friend that Satan doesn't suck you into this little game. I love you brother, and my heart goes out to you. In prayer, your sister

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ginnyrose Feb 21, 2006

Jordan,I have read the replies on this thread and all express sincere concern for you which I think is so commendable.As I read yur post there was one question that kept coming to me and this is: where is your biological dad? and what is your relationship with him like?ginnyrose

sermonindex Feb 21, 2006

Jordan, Very sorry this has had to fall on you.You are probably right that you will pay severely, one way or another, or from one side or the other, if you approach this.You are too young to have this fall on you.Your sister is the one who wants it exposed.You need to tell your sister ... "I live here, don't you understand what may happen to me ?"Then tell her, "You're thirty-something ... YOU tell Mom."And at the most ... if it comes to it ... you could just show your Mom how to put up the key logger, if your sister involves you in this.I'm sure your mother would understand you installed the key logger out of your love and protection for her only.Phewy Bro, this is a dangerous predicament you're in, but it should not fall on you ... being a Minor and having to continue to live there afterwards with them both.If your sister wants it done, let her do it, at her age and safe distance.I would not talk to your step-father about it.That won't stop him. He'll just let into you for finding out how you did and will just call you a liar and he'll just be sneakier, but revenge will come from him to you eventually.Adulterers can also be so reprobate that they can become dangerous when exposed ... even dangerous to their wives.This is just one more opinion friend and you'll have my prayers for your safety also.That is #1 here ... your safety being a minor.Go with God. Annie

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roadsign Feb 21, 2006

It was very good that you shared your dillema here Hopefully we can help you think things through. I think that these are wise words: I don't think it's too wise for any of us to give you adviseI believe that your difficuties go far beyond what you have shared. There is no easy fix. You are being pulled into something that is not your responsibility. You sure can't fix it. Sadly, when parents do not take responsibility for their own bad choices, the burden falls on their children, and that can be emotionally crippling. I echo the words of MeAgain: your own safety is the main concern. Your education is also a concern - being two years behind and thus reluctant to enter the education system. Many have urged you to pray. I too believe that as you cry out to God, he will help you in some way. He may use an agency, a person, or a church where someone understands and can help. I believe that there are people out there. God can lead you to them. May God be your strong deliverer, your mighty fortress, your comfort, and light. Diane

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